By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 19, 2015
And now, Part 2 of the 2015 DSR Raggies. If you missed Part 1, you can catch up on all of the worthy recipients here.
Worst Beat Writer
Vincent Goodwill
Detroit News
There are so many awful beat writers in Detroit that you almost couldn’t go wrong handing this Raggie out to any of a half a dozen willing morons — as the runner-up list would attest.
But Goodwill separated himself from the pack in 2014 with the revelation that he wasn’t merely GoodSHILLING for the Pistons organization as a whole but for Joe Dumars instead since taking over that beat.
And while Rob Parker procured $5,000 out of Joe D. for carrying his water and Adrian Wojnarowski got every Pistons’ exclusive over the last few years, Goodwill did all of the Dumars propaganda gratis, apparently.
The highlight of Goodshill’s year was his takedown of SVG based on his opinion that the new Pistons coach somehow was at fault for the Josh Smith debacle. My sources tell me that earned Junior a one-on-one tongue-lashing from SVG.
His failure to break any stories; his awful and inconsistent takes on previous management and Stan Van Gundy; and his Trey Burke obsession all earned him this prestigious Raggie.
Or, as his Twitter parody account @vgoodshill might say, “I got the Worst Beat Writer over Mowery, St. James and Lowe? Wonder what that’s all about. #SMH #HowAboutBlocked ?”
First Runner-Up: John Lowe (Detroit Free Press)
Second Runner-Up: Matthew B. Mowery (Oakland Press)
Third Runner-Up: Helene St. James (Detroit Free Press)
Fourth Runner-Up: Vince Ellis (Detroit Free Press)
Fifth Runner-Up: Chris Iott (MLive.com)
Best Beat Writer
Josh Katzenstein
Detroit News
In past years this category could have gone unawarded as there wasn’t one journalist worthy of the honor. This year, Freep Lions beat writer Dave Birkett couldn’t even get a runner-up mention (DQ’d mainly for being a Jim Caldwell apologist — which I am blaming on Dave’s Stockholm Syndrome.)
This Raggie came down to two Lions beat writers … Josh Katzenstein and Kyle Meinke. My first inclination was to split the award and give it to both of them as they both did outstanding work this year covering #1PlayoffWinIn57Years.
In the end, I figured that was a cop-out, so Katzenstein gets the slight nod based on his excellent work documenting Joe Lombardi’s propensity to take Golden Tate out of certain offensive packages.
And this ….
First Runner-Up: Kyle Meinke (MLive.com)
Second Runner-Up: David Mayo (MLive.com)
Third Runner-Up: Michael Rothstein (ESPN.com)
Worst Columnist
Mitch “Dr. Football” Albom
Detroit Free Press
In this category you had your pick of:
1) A sports columnist turning in drivel pieces to meet a yearly quota
2) A disingenuous, alleged drunk troll
3) A man who retired 10 years ago but nobody has bothered to tell him
And while it was tempting to give Bob Wojnowski this award for his continued safe, mail-it-in, never-rock the-boat columns, the Keebler Elf just would not be denied.
And if his Dr. Football articles — which were mocked NATIONALLY weren’t bad enough, Condescending Baggins locked up this Raggie with his putrid Jim Harbaugh “Welcome Home” column where he advised Jim that things have changed in Ann Arbor since he left because fans now want to win games!!!!
As opposed to when Harbaugh played for Bo Schembechler in the 80s and the fan base only paid attention to graduation rates.
The only good thing to come out of Albom’s 2014 season is the idea for my novella where a vertically-challenged, big-eared douche bag goes to Haiti, dies from dysentery and has to answer to St. Peter for all of his atrocious columns that he ONLY wrote to meet a contractual obligation with his primary employer.
First Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (Detroit Free Press)
Second Runner-Up: Bob Wojnowski (Detroit News)
Best Columnist
John Niyo
Detroit News
John Niyo is the #1 columnist in Detroit. He is the best Detroit sports columnist in my 42 years on this planet. Here is video of John Niyo winning this award over his “competition.”
First Runner-Up: None
Jamie Samuelsen Memorial Raggie
Jamie Samuelsen
97.1 and Free Press
Believe it or not, the winner of the Jamie Samuelsen Memorial Raggie for vanilla, bland, useless takes is ….. JAMIE SAMUELSEN!!!!!
And if Samuelsen’s normal tapioca takes, his Re-Tweets of his wife’s awful blog post and his own awful Tweets were not bad enough, the guy ruined my birthday dinner this past year with a HORRID Brad Ausmus take.
First Runner-Up: NyQuil
Second Runner-Up: Advil PM
Third Runner-Up: Valium
Fourth Runner-Up: Tryptophan
Fifth Runner-Up: Costanza Home Movies from Michigan Trips
Montreal Screw Job Raggie
Tom Gage
Detroit News
I have never been a huge Tom Gage guy. I was openly hoping for his retirement this offseason so Tony Paul could take over the Tigers beat.
But NO ONE in town was fucked over more than Gage in 2014. Just days after it was announced that Gage would be entering the sportswriters’ wing of the BASEBALL HALL OF FAME, the Detroit News announced that he was being DEMOTED in favor of Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky.
Can you imagine? One day you are going to Cooperstown and the next you are being replaced by the WORST media member in the city. It’s completely unfathomable. Vince McMahon himself couldn’t concoct such a storyline.
Does McCosky have pictures of the News‘s publisher in Bob Bashara’s dungeon? Is the paper worried that if they hadn’t given McCosky his prized job he’d drive his car head-on into oncoming traffic?
Seriously, how else can you explain this situation? This is an actual iMessage I recently received from an out-of-town media friend wondering if McCosky was still the Tigers beat writer ….
The man has no Twitter presence; he is lazy; he has continually been out-scooped by other reporters on every beat he has ever been on and believes EVERYTHING told to highim by the teams he’s covered.
On a list of things I want to witness in 2015, Tony Paul applying the Sharpshooter on McCosky is at the top.
First Runner-Up: Tony Paul Not Getting Beat Writer Job at either Freep or News
Worst Take by a Pundit
Pat Caputo
Oakland Press
I don’t like Ndamukong Suh as a person. I think he is a huge schmuck. But I won’t take anything away from his work as a defensive tackle because that would be asinine.
Well, that fat, ugly slob Pat Caputo spent the better part of the year trying to convince the poor saps who had the misfortune to be listening to the Oakland Press columnist that Suh was OVERRATED.
Yep, in the face of every bit of evidence to the contrary, Caputo was constantly claiming that Suh wasn’t a dominant force.
His favorite venue for this “Hot Take” was Fox-2’s Sportsworks. Keep giving this dolt a platform, Dan Miller.
First Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (Fister trade was good deal for Tigers)
Second Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (No Way Harbaugh Comes to Michigan)
Third Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (The Big Ten Should Disband)
Worst Moonlighting Award
Terry Foster
Mariachi’s Cantina
At one point this year, it looked like 105.1 producer Tom Mazawey was going to run away with this category thanks to his extremely creepy “concierge” service where he claimed he could pick up your kids, help them with their homework and “unwind” them.
But never count out African-American Ralph Kramden (Terry Foster) when it comes to ridiculously bad business ideas.
The DSR I-Team has provided wall-to-wall coverage in case you need to catch up:
The Racist Decor of the Cantina
The Mariachi’s Cantina Ex-Manager Interview
Has the Cantina Already Closed
Or, if you are in a hurry, just read this Yelp! review. It basically says it all ….
First Runner-Up: Tom Mazawey (Hey Mom Better Call Tom)
Ted Bundy Raggie
Dan Leach
97.1
This honor goes to the Detroit Sports Media member who is most likely to kill a hooker in his motel room. So of course, this Raggie goes to Dan Leach, who over the past year has discussed living in a motel, paying for hookers and having threesomes. I apologize that this article didn’t come up with a complimentary barf bag.
Actually, DSR reader Mark “Czar of the Telestrator” Fratella encapsulated Leach’s life perfectly …
Dan Leach is the real-life Billy Madison. Slightly slow, lives a life of debauchery off daddy’s money. Now that I think of it, Billy Madison may have been smarter.
I am pretty sure the eventual mugshot will look something like this …
First Runner-Up: None
Newcomer of the Year
Grant Long
Fox Sports Detroit
My Fox Sports Detroit crush Lindsey Hayes left the network to either videotape herself killing random wild animals or to maybe land a guest spot on the second season of “Fargo,” so FSD had to hire a replacement for the Pistons’ sideline reporter role.
And while Grant Long isn’t as easy on the eyes as Hayes, he seems to have a little more basketball knowledge. In fact, on a network that employs bumbling idiots like Darren Eliot, Craig Monroe and Mateen Cleaves, it is an absolute shock that they got a hire right.
Just don’t take any gambling advice from Long. He makes Ryan Ermanni look like Biff Tannen with a copy of the future Sports Almanac in his back pocket.
Twitter Faux Pas of the Year
Trevor Thompson
Fox Sports Detroit
There is nothing wrong with liking porn. I mean, who doesn’t like porn? It’s just probably not a good idea to “Favorite” a bunch of Tweets from @CumShotDaily if you have a high- profile media gig like Trevor Thompson does.
Hey Trev, get your fap on like the rest of us through Pornhub, YouPorn, TubeGalore and RedTube. You might even want to use the old “Incognito Window.”
We do like your style though, Trev!!!!
First Runner-Up: Lynn Henning Not Knowing How to Send a Direct Message
Captain Janks Raggie
Matthew Mills
The Drew Lane Show — 105.1
Remember when that “9/11 Truther” crashed the Super Bowl presser? Well, his name was Matthew Mills and Drew Lane and Marc Fellhauer wanted him on-air for an interview.
Unfortunately, the barbiturate fan and his intern didn’t do their due diligence in vetting whether or not they had the CORRECT Matthew Mills on the line.
So they ended up getting pranked by the Matthew Mills who is the son of former Dick Purtan personality, Dana Mills.
Mills then mocked Lane and Fellhauer on various social media platforms.
First Runner-Up: Dan Leach Getting Catfished by DSR Reader Matt Pierson
Worst Beat Writer Not Exclusively Covering A Detroit Franchise
Lynn Henning
Detroit News
The DSR was created in March of 2003. At no time in the 12 years since this websight™ (Terry Foster) was hatched has a media personality put up a prodigious season like Lynn Henning did this past year.
What Henning accomplished in 2014 is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Wayne Gretzky’s 92 goal, 120 assist season. Here is just a sample of Henning’s epic year. His WAR of Awfulness was an 11.5.
Henning Defends Fister Trade And is Wrong About EVERYTHING
A Lynn Henning Column Magically Disappears
Lynn Henning Contradicts Himself in RECORD Time
Now, Lynn Henning is Just Lying
Lynn Henning Claims Doug Fister Was Tigers FIFTH STARTER in 2013!!!
Lynn Henning Gives Nick Castellanos Only AL ROY Vote
Lynn Henning Thinks David Cutcliffe Turned Down U of M
That’s just a SAMPLING of Henning’s idiocy. That impressive body of work is the reason why Bovada has listed him as the 4 to 5 favorite to win next month’s DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament.
First Runner-Up: Shawn Windsor (Detroit Free Press)
Best Beat Writer Not Exclusively Covering A Detroit Franchise
Tony Paul
Detroit News
Bizarro Lynn Henning.
First Runner-Up: Justin Rogers (MLive.com)
Technically, Rogers is second chair to Kyle Meinke on the Lions beat but that qualifies him for this category.
Worst Article of the Year
Chris McCosky “Tigers’ Loss Stings, But Is No Cause For Fury”
Detroit News
In 2014, there was a meme espoused by some Tigers fans, the Uncle Tom bloggers at that awful Bless You Boys site and mainstream media members that Detroit baseball fans were somehow SPOILED.
No article all season long distilled this idea that Tigers fans shouldn’t get angry they even though we still haven’t won a World Series during this era more than Officer Barbrady’s piece-of-shit column AFTER the playoff sweep versus Baltimore.
Fuck this guy. And where IS he by the way? Major Max Scherzer news broke on Sunday and you couldn’t find Debbie Downer on the back of a milk carton.
First Runner-Up: Tom Gage “If I Were the GM This Winter …”
Second Runner-Up: Mitch Albom “Welcome Home Jim Harbaugh …”
Third Runner-Up: Anthony Fenech “Keep Tigers Together …“
Best Article of the Year
Kyle Meinke, Lions Offense Is Bad and Nobody Seems to Know Why
MLive.com
In my opinion, the most disappointing Lions loss all year was the VERY winnable game in Arizona against a very flawed Cardinals team quarterbacked by Detroit’s former second-round bust, Drew Stanton.
It was a chance for Jim Caldwell’s team to show that they were for real. That they were a bonafide contender for the #1 seed in the NFC. A victory would have gone a LONG way in helping them win their division.
Instead, their offense shit the bed AGAIN and Meinke attempted an autopsy in order to figure out why.
First Runner-Up: Josh Katzenstein “Lions’ play-calling appears puzzling“
Second Runner-Up: Tony Paul “Dombrowski Can’t Keep Job Forever ….“
Personality of the Year
Tony Paul
Detroit News
The Raggies are one of my favorite DSR projects I post each year even though they are extremely time-consuming and research intensive.
So why do I enjoy them? Because I am compelled to say nice things about Detroit sports media members and that’s not exactly something that occurs on an every-day basis around here.
It wasn’t an accident that this place was named the DetroitSportsRAG. And the question I get from readers of this site more than any is,”Isn’t there anyone you like?”
Well, there are SOME people whose work I do appreciate in this awful town. There were four Detroit sports media members up for “2015 Personality of the Year.”
And, not coincidentally, they are just about the only four journalists in Motown who don’t accept the company line and are actually critical of the teams they cover.
In the end, the juxtaposition of Tony Paul’s Tigers’ commentary with that of the beat writers who actually cover the team for a living gave Paul the edge over Meinke, Katzenstein and Niyo.
It will be interesting to see the follow-up year Paul has, as I have a pretty good idea that he is going to be in the news soon.
Finally, my advice to anyone looking to be the 2016 DSR Personality of the Year?
Be meaner.
First Runner-Up: Josh Katzenstein (Detroit News)
Second Runner-Up: Kyle Meinke (MLive.com)
Third Runner-Up: John Niyo (Detroit News)