By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 19, 2015

And now, Part 2 of the 2015 DSR Raggies. If you missed Part 1, you can catch up on all of the worthy recipients here.

Worst Beat Writer
Vincent Goodwill
Detroit News

There are so many awful beat writers in Detroit that you almost couldn’t go wrong handing this Raggie out to any of a half a dozen willing morons — as the runner-up list would attest.

But Goodwill separated himself from the pack in 2014 with the revelation that he wasn’t merely GoodSHILLING for the Pistons organization as a whole but for Joe Dumars instead since taking over that beat.

And while Rob Parker procured $5,000 out of Joe D. for carrying his water and Adrian Wojnarowski got every Pistons’ exclusive over the last few years, Goodwill did all of the Dumars propaganda gratis, apparently.

The highlight of Goodshill’s year was his takedown of SVG based on his opinion that the new Pistons coach somehow was at fault for the Josh Smith debacle. My sources tell me that earned Junior a one-on-one tongue-lashing from SVG.

His failure to break any stories; his awful and inconsistent takes on previous management and Stan Van Gundy; and his Trey Burke obsession all earned him this prestigious Raggie.

Or, as his Twitter parody account @vgoodshill might say, “I got the Worst Beat Writer over Mowery, St. James and Lowe? Wonder what that’s all about. #SMH #HowAboutBlocked ?”

First Runner-Up: John Lowe (Detroit Free Press)
Second Runner-Up: Matthew B. Mowery (Oakland Press)
Third Runner-Up: Helene St. James (Detroit Free Press)
Fourth Runner-Up: Vince Ellis (Detroit Free Press)
Fifth Runner-Up: Chris Iott (MLive.com)

Best Beat Writer
Josh Katzenstein
Detroit News

In past years this category could have gone unawarded as there wasn’t one journalist worthy of the honor. This year, Freep Lions beat writer Dave Birkett couldn’t even get a runner-up mention (DQ’d mainly for being a Jim Caldwell apologist — which I am blaming on Dave’s Stockholm Syndrome.)

This Raggie came down to two Lions beat writers … Josh Katzenstein and Kyle Meinke. My first inclination was to split the award and give it to both of them as they both did outstanding work this year covering #1PlayoffWinIn57Years.

In the end, I figured that was a cop-out, so Katzenstein gets the slight nod based on his excellent work documenting Joe Lombardi’s propensity to take Golden Tate out of certain offensive packages.

And this ….

First Runner-Up: Kyle Meinke (MLive.com)
Second Runner-Up: David Mayo (MLive.com)
Third Runner-Up: Michael Rothstein (ESPN.com)

Worst Columnist
Mitch “Dr. Football” Albom
Detroit Free Press

In this category you had your pick of:

1) A sports columnist turning in drivel pieces to meet a yearly quota
2) A disingenuous, alleged drunk troll
3) A man who retired 10 years ago but nobody has bothered to tell him

And while it was tempting to give Bob Wojnowski this award for his continued safe, mail-it-in, never-rock the-boat columns, the Keebler Elf just would not be denied.

And if his Dr. Football articles — which were mocked NATIONALLY weren’t bad enough, Condescending Baggins locked up this Raggie with his putrid Jim Harbaugh “Welcome Home” column where he advised Jim that things have changed in Ann Arbor since he left because fans now want to win games!!!!

As opposed to when Harbaugh played for Bo Schembechler in the 80s and the fan base only paid attention to graduation rates.

The only good thing to come out of Albom’s 2014 season is the idea for my novella where a vertically-challenged, big-eared douche bag goes to Haiti, dies from dysentery and has to answer to St. Peter for all of his atrocious columns that he ONLY wrote to meet a contractual obligation with his primary employer.

First Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (Detroit Free Press)
Second Runner-Up: Bob Wojnowski (Detroit News)

Best Columnist
John Niyo
Detroit News

John Niyo is the #1 columnist in Detroit. He is the best Detroit sports columnist in my 42 years on this planet. Here is video of John Niyo winning this award over his “competition.”

First Runner-Up: None

Jamie Samuelsen Memorial Raggie
Jamie Samuelsen
97.1 and Free Press

Believe it or not, the winner of the Jamie Samuelsen Memorial Raggie for vanilla, bland, useless takes is ….. JAMIE SAMUELSEN!!!!!

And if Samuelsen’s normal tapioca takes, his Re-Tweets of his wife’s awful blog post and his own awful Tweets were not bad enough, the guy ruined my birthday dinner this past year with a HORRID Brad Ausmus take.

First Runner-Up: NyQuil
Second Runner-Up: Advil PM
Third Runner-Up: Valium
Fourth Runner-Up: Tryptophan
Fifth Runner-Up: Costanza Home Movies from Michigan Trips

Montreal Screw Job Raggie
Tom Gage
Detroit News

I have never been a huge Tom Gage guy. I was openly hoping for his retirement this offseason so Tony Paul could take over the Tigers beat.

But NO ONE in town was fucked over more than Gage in 2014. Just days after it was announced that Gage would be entering the sportswriters’ wing of the BASEBALL HALL OF FAME, the Detroit News announced that he was being DEMOTED in favor of Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky.

Can you imagine? One day you are going to Cooperstown and the next you are being replaced by the WORST media member in the city. It’s completely unfathomable. Vince McMahon himself couldn’t concoct such a storyline.

Does McCosky have pictures of the News‘s publisher in Bob Bashara’s dungeon? Is the paper worried that if they hadn’t given McCosky his prized job he’d drive his car head-on into oncoming traffic?

Seriously, how else can you explain this situation? This is an actual iMessage I recently received from an out-of-town media friend wondering if McCosky was still the Tigers beat writer ….

The man has no Twitter presence; he is lazy; he has continually been out-scooped by other reporters on every beat he has ever been on and believes EVERYTHING told to highim by the teams he’s covered.

On a list of things I want to witness in 2015, Tony Paul applying the Sharpshooter on McCosky is at the top.

First Runner-Up: Tony Paul Not Getting Beat Writer Job at either Freep or News

Worst Take by a Pundit
Pat Caputo
Oakland Press

I don’t like Ndamukong Suh as a person. I think he is a huge schmuck. But I won’t take anything away from his work as a defensive tackle because that would be asinine.

Well, that fat, ugly slob Pat Caputo spent the better part of the year trying to convince the poor saps who had the misfortune to be listening to the Oakland Press columnist that Suh was OVERRATED.

Yep, in the face of every bit of evidence to the contrary, Caputo was constantly claiming that Suh wasn’t a dominant force.

His favorite venue for this “Hot Take” was Fox-2’s Sportsworks. Keep giving this dolt a platform, Dan Miller.

First Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (Fister trade was good deal for Tigers)
Second Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (No Way Harbaugh Comes to Michigan)
Third Runner-Up: Drew Sharp (The Big Ten Should Disband)

Worst Moonlighting Award
Terry Foster
Mariachi’s Cantina

At one point this year, it looked like 105.1 producer Tom Mazawey was going to run away with this category thanks to his extremely creepy “concierge” service where he claimed he could pick up your kids, help them with their homework and “unwind” them.

But never count out African-American Ralph Kramden (Terry Foster) when it comes to ridiculously bad business ideas.

The DSR I-Team has provided wall-to-wall coverage in case you need to catch up:

Foster’s New Venture

The Racist Decor of the Cantina

The Mariachi’s Cantina Ex-Manager Interview

Has the Cantina Already Closed

Or, if you are in a hurry, just read this Yelp! review. It basically says it all ….

First Runner-Up: Tom Mazawey (Hey Mom Better Call Tom)

Ted Bundy Raggie
Dan Leach
97.1

This honor goes to the Detroit Sports Media member who is most likely to kill a hooker in his motel room. So of course, this Raggie goes to Dan Leach, who over the past year has discussed living in a motel, paying for hookers and having threesomes. I apologize that this article didn’t come up with a complimentary barf bag.

Actually, DSR reader Mark “Czar of the Telestrator” Fratella encapsulated Leach’s life perfectly …

Dan Leach is the real-life Billy Madison. Slightly slow, lives a life of debauchery off daddy’s money. Now that I think of it, Billy Madison may have been smarter.

I am pretty sure the eventual mugshot will look something like this …

First Runner-Up: None

Newcomer of the Year
Grant Long
Fox Sports Detroit

My Fox Sports Detroit crush Lindsey Hayes left the network to either videotape herself killing random wild animals or to maybe land a guest spot on the second season of “Fargo,” so FSD had to hire a replacement for the Pistons’ sideline reporter role.

And while Grant Long isn’t as easy on the eyes as Hayes, he seems to have a little more basketball knowledge. In fact, on a network that employs bumbling idiots like Darren Eliot, Craig Monroe and Mateen Cleaves, it is an absolute shock that they got a hire right.

Just don’t take any gambling advice from Long. He makes Ryan Ermanni look like Biff Tannen with a copy of the future Sports Almanac in his back pocket.

Twitter Faux Pas of the Year
Trevor Thompson
Fox Sports Detroit

There is nothing wrong with liking porn. I mean, who doesn’t like porn? It’s just probably not a good idea to “Favorite” a bunch of Tweets from @CumShotDaily if you have a high- profile media gig like Trevor Thompson does.

Hey Trev, get your fap on like the rest of us through Pornhub, YouPorn, TubeGalore and RedTube. You might even want to use the old “Incognito Window.”

We do like your style though, Trev!!!!

First Runner-Up: Lynn Henning Not Knowing How to Send a Direct Message

Captain Janks Raggie
Matthew Mills
The Drew Lane Show — 105.1

Remember when that “9/11 Truther” crashed the Super Bowl presser? Well, his name was Matthew Mills and Drew Lane and Marc Fellhauer wanted him on-air for an interview.

Unfortunately, the barbiturate fan and his intern didn’t do their due diligence in vetting whether or not they had the CORRECT Matthew Mills on the line.

So they ended up getting pranked by the Matthew Mills who is the son of former Dick Purtan personality, Dana Mills.

Mills then mocked Lane and Fellhauer on various social media platforms.

First Runner-Up: Dan Leach Getting Catfished by DSR Reader Matt Pierson

Worst Beat Writer Not Exclusively Covering A Detroit Franchise
Lynn Henning
Detroit News

The DSR was created in March of 2003. At no time in the 12 years since this websight™ (Terry Foster) was hatched has a media personality put up a prodigious season like Lynn Henning did this past year.

What Henning accomplished in 2014 is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Wayne Gretzky’s 92 goal, 120 assist season. Here is just a sample of Henning’s epic year. His WAR of Awfulness was an 11.5.

Henning Channels Myth Albom

Henning Defends Fister Trade And is Wrong About EVERYTHING 

A Lynn Henning Column Magically Disappears 

Lynn Henning Contradicts Himself in RECORD Time

Now, Lynn Henning is Just Lying

Lynn Henning Claims Doug Fister Was Tigers FIFTH STARTER in 2013!!!

Lynn Henning Gives Nick Castellanos Only AL ROY Vote

Lynn Henning Thinks David Cutcliffe Turned Down U of M 

That’s just a SAMPLING of Henning’s idiocy. That impressive body of work is the reason why Bovada has listed him as the 4 to 5 favorite to win next month’s DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament.

First Runner-Up: Shawn Windsor (Detroit Free Press)

Best Beat Writer Not Exclusively Covering A Detroit Franchise
Tony Paul
Detroit News

Bizarro Lynn Henning.

First Runner-Up: Justin Rogers (MLive.com)
Technically, Rogers is second chair to Kyle Meinke on the Lions beat but that qualifies him for this category.

Worst Article of the Year
Chris McCosky “Tigers’ Loss Stings, But Is No Cause For Fury”
Detroit News

In 2014, there was a meme espoused by some Tigers fans, the Uncle Tom bloggers at that awful Bless You Boys site and mainstream media members that Detroit baseball fans were somehow SPOILED.

No article all season long distilled this idea that Tigers fans shouldn’t get angry they even though we still haven’t won a World Series during this era more than Officer Barbrady’s piece-of-shit column AFTER the playoff sweep versus Baltimore.

Fuck this guy. And where IS he by the way? Major Max Scherzer news broke on Sunday and you couldn’t find Debbie Downer on the back of a milk carton.

First Runner-Up: Tom Gage “If I Were the GM This Winter …”
Second Runner-Up: Mitch Albom “Welcome Home Jim Harbaugh …”
Third Runner-Up: Anthony Fenech “Keep Tigers Together …“

Best Article of the Year
Kyle Meinke, Lions Offense Is Bad and Nobody Seems to Know Why
MLive.com

In my opinion, the most disappointing Lions loss all year was the VERY winnable game in Arizona against a very flawed Cardinals team quarterbacked by Detroit’s former second-round bust, Drew Stanton.

It was a chance for Jim Caldwell’s team to show that they were for real. That they were a bonafide contender for the #1 seed in the NFC. A victory would have gone a LONG way in helping them win their division.

Instead, their offense shit the bed AGAIN and Meinke attempted an autopsy in order to figure out why.

First Runner-Up: Josh Katzenstein “Lions’ play-calling appears puzzling“
Second Runner-Up: Tony Paul “Dombrowski Can’t Keep Job Forever ….“

Personality of the Year
Tony Paul
Detroit News

The Raggies are one of my favorite DSR projects I post each year even though they are extremely time-consuming and research intensive.

So why do I enjoy them? Because I am compelled to say nice things about Detroit sports media members and that’s not exactly something that occurs on an every-day basis around here.

It wasn’t an accident that this place was named the DetroitSportsRAG. And the question I get from readers of this site more than any is,”Isn’t there anyone you like?”

Well, there are SOME people whose work I do appreciate in this awful town. There were four Detroit sports media members up for “2015 Personality of the Year.”

And, not coincidentally, they are just about the only four journalists in Motown who don’t accept the company line and are actually critical of the teams they cover.

In the end, the juxtaposition of Tony Paul’s Tigers’ commentary with that of the beat writers who actually cover the team for a living gave Paul the edge over Meinke, Katzenstein and Niyo.

It will be interesting to see the follow-up year Paul has, as I have a pretty good idea that he is going to be in the news soon.

Finally, my advice to anyone looking to be the 2016 DSR Personality of the Year?

Be meaner.

First Runner-Up: Josh Katzenstein (Detroit News)
Second Runner-Up: Kyle Meinke (MLive.com)
Third Runner-Up: John Niyo (Detroit News)

By Justin Spiro
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 24, 2015

Last Spring, the DSR’s annual fantasy baseball draft was kicked off with something now known simply as “The Reveal”. The DSR had 9 established owners in a 10-team league, and the identity of the 10th owner was an unsolved mystery for months leading up to draft day. Only I knew who would fill that last spot, and the secret was kept airtight despite almost constant pressure from league members to spill the beans. Who was the mystery 10th owner? The question puzzled the DSR circle for 100 days.

I had introduced the concept of a mystery 10th owner in 2013, labeling the mystery man “The Higher Power” (Vince McMahon TM). But the idea flopped, as the surprise guest dropped out unexpectedly. But 2014 was different. It was everything The Reveal should be.

By now, most of you know the man in the cloak was baseball legend and pariah Jose Canseco. In case you somehow missed the (awful quality) video of The Reveal, here it is:

The looks on the faces and the sounds reverberating throughout the room captured the shock and awe of the DSR audience. The draft, scheduled to begin immediately after The Reveal, had to be pushed back 30 minutes as the DSR regrouped and gathered their emotions. No one’s life has been quite the same since that day. Average men became great men. Charitable contributions increased tenfold in the state. The world was changed.

And we are 57 days away from it happening again.

In 2014, league members were promised a $10 increase in their salary cap for the draft should they be the one to correctly guess the identity of The Higher Power. Despite months of investigation into all of my Twitter interactions, including recent additions to my “following” list, no one was able to name Canseco as the man in the cloak. The DSR’s collective investigative skills had failed, though the process was good practice for their later efforts in May.

Wholly unimpressed by the DSR Elite’s ability to identify The Higher Power of 2014, I have decided to open it up this year. The $10 salary cap increase offer still stands to the other 8 members of the league. But the general public is now invited to join in on the fun.

Who is The Higher Power? If you correctly guess His identity, you will win Detroit Tiger tickets and a $50 Amazon gift card. One guess per DSR reader, and you must attach your full name to the e-mail with your guess. Send your guess to spirojus@gmail.com.

We are fewer than 2 months away from minds being blown. Only 57 more days until a seismic shift in DSR history takes place. Who will wear the cloak on March 22, 2015?

The world awaits the next revelation.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 25, 2015

It’s been a good month for Detroit sports fans who own discerning taste. We have seen the exit of Josh Smith, Don Kelly, Dominic Raiola and now Detroit News Pistons beat writer Vincent Goodwill. We are a Johan Franzen retirement announcement away from utter euphoria.

The departure of Goodwill is absolutely hilarious in its timing. It comes on the heels of the sneaker aficionado getting chewed out by Stan Van Gundy over his ridiculous assertion that the Josh Smith clusterfuck was somehow the new management’s fault and not Joe Dumars’ Little Bighorn.

Since Vincent Goodwill, JUNIOR replaced Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky on the Pistons beat a few years ago, the Eastern Michigan product earned the label of team shill for all of his fluffing of the Dumars regime. While McCosky just lazily regurgitated the company line, Goodwill one-upped Debbie Downer by openly propagandizing for Joe D.

It got so bad that I asked on this website earlier this month if there was a beat writer in Detroit worse than Goodwill. Turns out …. there was not.

Vinny’s pandering act was so bad that he earned himself the nickname of GoodSHILL. The moniker became so prevalent among Pistons fans that a Twitter user capitalized on it by creating a parody account that drove the real Goodwill insane.

Twitterfolk, do me a favor. Block and spam @vgoodshill. That acct is putting out false trade rumors under my name. Get that clown outta here

— Vincent Goodwill (@vgoodwill) July 17, 2014

Well, it would appear that Goodwill found himself a new gig where shilling is ENCOURAGED instead of mocked. Junior is exiting the News for Chicago’s Comcast Sports Network where he will cover the Bulls.

Who owns CSN? Well … Comcast, the Cubs and Blackhawks all share twenty percent apiece.

Who has the other forty percent? Jerry Reinsdorf. The OWNER of the White Sox…and the Bulls!!!

I mean, did CSN management run a Google search for “biggest NBA team shill” and Vinny’s name popped up? If so, I probably should receive a thank-you card for his new gig.

And, make no mistake about it, there is very little autonomy when working for an outfit like this. I have been told HORRIFIC stories by journalists across the country who work for local Fox Sports websites.

Even if you can get team critical copy past the local Gestapo, the folks in Los Angeles will crush any hint of negativity at the national level. It is so bad that one scribe told me that he/she just stopped writing anything even remotely cynical because there was no chance it was getting posted.

That’s the atmosphere Goodwill is entering with CSN. Although, based on his past behavior, it is very doubtful he will care about restrictions that aren’t even applicable to his brand of “journalism.” Hell, I wonder how long Goodwill has known he is leaving Detroit for Chicago. My guess? December 6th.

Should be blocked/reported for spam RT @mdotbrown: First person to make a Derrick Rose injury joke tonight gets all the tomatoes.

— Vincent Goodwill (@vgoodwill) December 7, 2014

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 26, 2015

It’s that time of year, folks. We are one week away from the start of the DSR’s 2015 Worst Detroit Sports Media Tournament and the bracket is starting to take shape.

But before we can begin the process of crowning the next worst Detroit sports media personality, we have to finalize the last eight entrants. As of this writing, 56 participants have received at-large bids based on their awfulness in 2014.

The other eight spots are still up for grabs and will be determined this week in “Conference Tournament”-style matchups. There are 69 media members trying to avoid one of those last eight slots.

The 69 personalities in the “Play-In” tourneys are either actually good at what they do, not very impactful or nobody knows who the fuck they are.

Also, for the first time in this tournament’s history, we are giving one spot to a blogger. Originally, bloggers were going to be left out but Brian Cook of MGoBlog insisted on being included so I acquiesced.

Before you ask, I am not eligible for this tournament for the same reason you can’t bet on UNLV basketball games at the Wynn or at The Venetian.

The following are the 56 at-large automatic bids in alphabetical order:

And here are the conference tournaments …..

Announcer #1 Conference 

Announcer #2 Conference 

Blah Conference 

SEC East Conference 

SEC West Conference 

Who Are You? Conference #1

Who Are You Conference #2

Basement Blogger Conference 

I don’t really read any other blogs other than mine and MGoBlog so if you think I am missing anyone, let me know.

So …. without further ado ….. let’s commence Championship Week!!!

Don’t forget to vote for the worst ….

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 26, 2015

The first DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality play-in game is over and Fox Sports Detroit Pistons studio announcer Mateen Cleaves has earned his ticket to the Big Dance. Only seven slots left. Who will move on in the “Announcer #2 Conference”?

Vote for the worst above!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 27, 2015

The DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality play-in conference tournament match-ups continue today with the “Blah Conference.” Please note that Shannon Hogan and Lindsey Hayes are both eligible — even though they have both left Fox Sports Detroit — because they worked in this market during 2014.

Rick Mahorn narrowly defeated Will Tieman in the “Announcer #2″ conference.  Mateen Cleaves earned his bid by destroying the “Announcer #1″ tourney.

Vote for the worst above!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 26, 2015

Here is a piece of advice to anyone who enters into a contract negotiation with a man whose company logo is a cartoon of himself as a Roman dictator ….

DON’T PISS HIM OFF!!!!

If we learned anything from the fallout surrounding Max Scherzer’s “$210 million” contract with the Washington Nationals, it is that you never want to insult Mike Ilitch in the midst of financial discussions.

Truth is, Mike Ilitch does not lose free-agents whom he WANTS to keep in either baseball or hockey.

We should have already learned that lesson back in the summer of 2003 when Sergei Fedorov — the greatest playoff performer the Red Wings have ever employed — offended Ilitch by simply hesitating before finally ACCEPTING the Wings’ offer — only to be told by Ilitch that the deal was off the table.

Yes, contrary to what you have been told for years by the Detroit sports media, Sergei Fedorov wanted to return to Detroit. Unfortunately for #91 though, he was going through a depressing divorce from Anna Kournikova and was debating whether or not he wanted to continue to play second fiddle to Steve Yzerman.

Mike Ilitch took Fedorov’s internal debate over whether or not to continue playing in Detroit as a personal affront and told Sergei to pound salt. I have been told this story by people EXTREMELY close to Fedorov (they might share the same last name) and I don’t doubt it for a nanosecond.

Fedorov ended up taking less money to play in Anaheim and the rest is history. History that repeated itself in the Max Scherzer Saga.

I am not sure if anything sordid occurred in the Tigers/Scherzer negotiations prior to Scott Boras‘ telling Dave Dombrowski no thanks to the 6 year, $144-million deal — or if that alone was enough to draw Ilitch’s ire — but shit turned south between the two parties and it NEVER got better.

How else do you explain this press release from the Ilitch Family?:

Or the fact that Scherzer’s likeness was pulled from television ads that the Tigers were running in order to sell tickets in 2014? Yes, I have been told that the Tigers marketing people removed Scherzer from TV spots.

Because who wouldn’t want to promote the fact that you employ the reigning AL Cy Young winner??!!! Of course, it wouldn’t be the last time Ilitch, Inc. would cut off their own nose to spite their face.

And what was Scherzer’s major offense? That he turned down $144 million over six years? Well, why the FUCK wouldn’t he?!??! He should have accepted a deal for $4 million a year less than Justin Verlander when he is a better pitcher than Justin Verlander?!!??!?

If the Tigers were REALLY serious about keeping Scherzer, they would have offered him a deal worth around $165 million for six years and Max probably would have had to take it last spring. But they didn’t and Scherzer rightfully tested the market.

For whatever reason, Scherzer was never a Mike Ilitch “boy.” I could speculate that it had something to do with Max’s analytical businessman approach, but I have no idea. He clearly wasn’t one of the old man’s favorites and that’s why he is now pitching in our nation’s capital.

Guys like Yzerman (whom Ilitch prevented Scotty Bowman from trading back in 1996), Verlander, Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez are ALL Mr. I favorites and that is why JV, Miggy and V-Mart are still here and Max is not. It’s as simple as that.

While Ilitch — in his decrepit state — made a point of finding Victor before the season ended and telling him he wanted Martinez in a Tigers uniform for the rest of his career, he NEVER had Dombrowski re-engage Boras looking to bring Scherzer back.

This wasn’t about paying a luxury tax or an untenable budget moving forward …. this was all about Max Scherzer not being one of Mike Ilitch’s favorite toys.

The contract Scherzer eventually received from the Lerner family was EXACTLY the sort of deal that would have been extremely favorable to the Tigers’ current situation.

If you don’t believe me, check out Fangraphs’ Dave Cameron’s take on the Scherzer/Nationals agreement. The points in bold are MY emphasis ….

Scherzer signed a seven year contract, and in exchange for pitching for them for those seven years, the Nationals have agreed to pay him $210 million in salary. Divide $210 million by seven years and you get $30 million in AAV, which is how this deal will be reported. But because of how this deal was structured, it’s not really $30 million per year.

Instead, the Nationals will pay Scherzer $15 million per season, but do so for 14 years; essentially, they’ve deferred half of each season’s salary seven years into the future. Effectively, they signed Scherzer for $105 million over the seven years that he’ll pitch for them, and then they’ll pay him the next $105 million after the contract ends, making this the most deferred money contract in baseball history.

You know what the crowd projected Scherzer to sign for this winter? $168 million over seven years. I guessed $175 million. Pretty much everyone else did too. The $210 million figure is going to grab headlines, but this is essentially the contract that we all thought Scherzer would get this winter; it’s just structured differently than we anticipated.

And, as Jeff wrote last night, $170ish million is probably about what we should expect Scherzer to be worth over the next seven years. The extra $40 million in guaranteed money is just there to offset the fact that so much of it is being paid far off in the distant future.

In terms of guaranteed dollars, Scherzer got $55 million more than Lester did, which makes the gap between the two contracts seem enormous. When you factor in the payout structures, though, the value of the two contracts is actually only $10 million apart; the Nationals didn’t actually pay all that much more for Scherzer than the Cubs did for Lester. 

Scherzer really only needs to justify about $170 million in salary over the next seven years, because the rest of it is just there to account for the fact that the Nationals are forcing Scherzer to make them a long-term loan in order to keep their payrolls at a manageable level while he’s actually on the team.

Like I said, this contract was perfect for Mike and Chris Ilitch if the elder was really interested in keeping one of the best starting pitchers in all of baseball on his team. Not only would the Olympia folks be getting Scherzer at a discount for the next few years, Dan Gilbert (the team’s presumptive next owner) would have had to foot the bill for the balance of the deal.

And don’t kid yourself, the deferred payments wouldn’t have stopped Gilbert from fulfilling a lifelong goal of owning Detroit’s baseball franchise.

And while Scherzer himself never ruled out a return to the Tigers — and it’s my belief that Detroit was his preference — he was dead to “Mr. I” since last March. We just didn’t know it.

Mike Ilitch never pursued Max Scherzer once he said no to $144 million last spring. My story: http://t.co/L2vc1ucgeF@FOXSports

— Jon Morosi (@jonmorosi) January 20, 2015

Boras and Dombrowski echoed the same thoughts after the Nationals’ press conference.

A man who will turn 86 years old before the baseball trade deadline and who is currently dealing with his second cancer diagnosis let his ego and personal grievances get in the way of WINNING a World Series before he dies.

You really showed Max, Mr. I!!!!!!!!!!!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 28, 2015

The DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality play-in conference tournament match-ups continue today with the “SEC East.” We are calling this conference the SEC East because it is compromised of good media members. Same as the SEC West, which will tip-off later today.

So far, Rick Mahorn narrowly defeated Will Tieman in the “Announcer #2″ conference.  Mateen Cleaves earned his bid by destroying the “Announcer #1″ tourney. Friend of the site Tony Ortiz defeated noted douche bag Chris Vannini in a nip-and-tuck battle in the “Blah” conference. Only five spots remain!

Vote for the worst above!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 28, 2015

The conference tourneys move on with the loaded SEC West. Vote for the WORST!

Previous tourney winners who have earned bids:

Mateen Cleaves
Rick Mahorn
Tony Ortiz
Sam Webb

Ya people are a bunch of fucking racists. Poor Woody in this matchup.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 28, 2015

It’s time for a rare edition of the Mossisms™; we have some good, juicy gossip and a couple of Detroit Media members to assail.

So …. what do colonoscopies, Steve Grillo, Craig Janney, Morrie Schwartz, Francis Scott Key, Cancer Stick and Lite Light all have in common?

They are all included in Wednesday Evening Mossisms™.

Chris “Officer Barbrady” McCosky Already in Midseason Form

Well, we knew this moment was coming the second it was announced that Chris McCosky would be replacing Tom Gage on the Tigers beat for the Detroit News.

The ignorant and intellectually challenged bastard who has slurped up the juices of Pistons, Lions and Red Wings management during his embarrassing “journalistic” career has already stuck his nose so far up Dave Dombrowski’s ass that his article today should come with a jug of MiraLAX.

Today’s festivities all started when ESPN.com’s MLB farm system expert Keith Law released his rankings of minor league systems with Detroit’s bringing up the rear.

This was expected as the Tigers’ farm system has been putrid for years and is ALWAYS ranked in the bottom third, whether by Law, BaseballAmerica.com, BaseballProspectus.com or whomever else is compiling the rankings.

And it only stands to reason that a team that has traded away half of their top ten prospects in the last year or so would rate poorly.

Of course, this was all lost on the doltish Officer Barbrady, who viewed Law’s opinion piece as an opportunity to carry water for his new masters (Dombrowski, Ron Colangelo, Kate Ready, etc.).

And suicidal Gunga Din didn’t disappoint!!!!

Let me respond with the following ….

Hey, ya shitbag, do you think trading those seven prospects might have played a part in the Tigers’ minor league system being depleted, causing Law to rank them LAST?

That’s like expecting that, just because MC Hammer was wealthy right after “U Can’t Touch This” came out, his bank account would STILL be flush. You child; there is a cause-and-effect relationship that results when you deal away SEVEN commodities.

Also, every single team in baseball — no matter how bad their farm system is — has prospects to trade. There are like 138 rounds in the baseball draft, not to mention the many Central and South American players that can be signed.

Even if you are awful at developing young talent — and by EVERY measure, Dombrowski is horrid at it — you will always be able to deal prospects for established, non-superstar players.

For example, Detroit sent their #1 RHP prospect (Jake Thompson) and #2 relief arm (Cory Knebel) for a dude (Joakim Soria) they never had a fucking role for in 2014!!!! If you are willing to overpay for a dude at the deadline and are approximately 35 games out of first place, you can do it!!!!!

This fool also brags about the team’s farmhands because they acquired Anthony Gose — a no-hit centerfielder — for Devon Travis??? Seriously?

Can you imagine that Dombrowski actually had enough ammunition to acquire a stud like Alfredo Simon? DD’s a regular Christer Rockström, I tell ya.

Do you know how we know that Dombrowski does an awful job of drafting and developing players without a Keith Law ESPN paywall article? We have 13 years of empirical evidence!!!!

In that period of time, the GM has basically only developed Justin Verlander, Rick Porcello, MAYBE Drew Smyly and his assistant GM’s son.

Not to mention that NONE of the prospects whom Lynn Henning has fluffed over the years has amounted to jack shit after being traded away by Divot Chin Dave (except for Andrew Miller, and that was years after the fact in a different role).

Also, this just in, Barbrady …. Kyle Lobstein is not a home-grown talent. He was a Rule 5 draftee.

I am guessing the guy who SHOULD have your job (Tony Paul) knew that, though. This is going to be a LONG year with this piece of human debris covering the Tigers.

Maybe this parody account will help me get through it …..

#BellLetsTalk

The Reason Brendan Shanahan Left the Red Wings

Yesterday, I posted an article in which I stated that Mike Ilitch never lost either a hockey or baseball free-agent that he wanted to keep. A couple of people contacted me and brought up the name of Brendan Shanahan.

Well, the current President of the Toronto Maple Leafs is an extraordinary case because it really was not Shanahan’s decision to leave Detroit for New York. My sources, who were extremely close to the situation, told me a while ago that Catherine Janney-Shanahan (Brendan’s wife whom he “stole” from former teammate Craig Janney) is the one who made the call.

Why? Because Shanahan was allegedly having an affair with Karen Newman. Or at the very least, Catherine thought Brendan was boinking the Red Wings’ national anthem singer.

Now, try to get the image of Shanny doing Newman from behind the next time she is belting out “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

I dare ya.

The Unseemly Relationship Between Mitch Albom and Matt(hew) Stafford

Under normal circumstances, news that a $10-million recreation center for inner-city kids is going to be opened would be fabulous. And the plan announced yesterday to renovate Detroit’s Lipke Park is great.

The only problem with the rejuvenation of the closed building is the partnership behind it. It is extremely unseemly that the lead sports columnist for the city’s most-read daily (Mitch Albom) would enter into any sort of arrangement — charitable or otherwise — with Detroit’s starting quarterback (Matt Stafford).

From yesterday’s Freep article by quality writer Joe Guillen …

Stafford said it was the columnist’s influence led him and his charity — Score7 Charitable Fund — to get involved in the biggest project in Detroit that Albom’s foundation has undertaken.

“I’ve been to quite a few of the events that he’s done,” Stafford said. “I do his radiothon every year. Obviously I’m on the radio with him every Monday of the season and I know what kind of work he does.

“And I knew going into this thing that it wasn’t going to be done any way but perfect. This guy’s going to go all out. Everything he does has a great impact and is run at the top-notch level. I knew he was going to be a great partner in this.”

I knew he was going to be a great PARTNER in this.

Partner!!!!!

Are you effing shitting me with this? The Free Press doesn’t think there might be an ethical issue with their columnist asking Stafford for ONE MILLION DOLLARS, even if it is for a good cause?

So now Dr. Football and the Lions’ QB are partners. Do you think the Keebler Elf Death-Obsessed Novella Writer for Menopausal Women will EVER say ANYTHING critical about his “partner” again?!!??!?

The answer is no. We already have witnessed this in the past with Condescending Baggins. Jim Leyland has worked with Frodo Albom on charity events and the columnist NEVER would write a negative word about the former Tigers manager. Like, ever.

This might be the worst journalistic transgression of Frodo’s career.

Well, except for the time he wrote that Chris Webber couldn’t afford a pizza when he was filthy rich due to a loan from Ed Martin.

Or that time when he made shit up about Jason Richardson and Mateen Cleaves.

Or when he might have plagiarized.

Where was I?

Look, if Albom wants to get in bed with Detroit athletes whom he is PAID TO COVER for a living, that is fine.

Just give up your gig at the Free Press. It’s a win-win for everyone from Detroit’s underprivileged youth to discerning Motor City sports fans.

And Finally …..

Earlier today, Lions tight end Eric Ebron Tweeted out the following …

Planning on partying for #SB49? Let Uber be your DD. Use promo code SB2015 for $20 off your first ride with @Uber

— Eric Ebron (@Ebron85) January 28, 2015

Now, me being the dick that I am, I thought it would be funny to needle the first-round bust. (Well, at least so far.) So I responded with a joke referencing the news that the Lions had to eliminate some plays from their playbook because Ebron wasn’t exactly the quickest learner.

.@Ebron85 @Uber I sure hope the Uber driver knows routes better than you.

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) January 28, 2015

A few minutes later, the North Carolina product responded with this ..

Well, he might not be worthy of a top ten pick, but at least he has maintained his sense of humor.

I’d still rather have an unfunny Aaron Donald or Odell Beckham, Jr.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 29, 2015

After Jim Brandstatter became the first Caucasian to win a conference tourney and clinch a spot in the Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality Tournament, we are now down to the last three available slots.

Since I need to do a lot of work on the bracket and preview this weekend, we are going to decide the last three spots today.

VOTE FOR THE WORST!!!

By Justin Spiro
spirojus@msu.edu
January 29, 2015

There are several reasons the Detroit Sports 105.1 experiment is failing miserably. You could blame the national programming in the morning that NO ONE cares about.

You could blame the continued employment of proven ratings failure and alleged gambling addict/homophobe/racist Ryan Ermanni.

You could blame Drew Lane, who thought wearing a Detroit Tigers hat in his Twitter avatar was the only adjustment he needed to make in his new life as a sports radio host.

These are all good reasons, and each has played a significant role in 105.1’s failure to stir any interest in the market.

But this week has demonstrated an entirely new reason to shake your head™ (Vincent Goodwill Jr.) at the three-ring circus taking place up the dial. Program Director Jason Dixon has made the decision to ax the Saturday baseball show “Hardcore Baseball”, hosted by Tony Paul.

The show was the best in town, with the possible exception of when Mike Valenti is completely alone in-studio and is, for whatever reason, particularly engaged.

Of course, even Dixon would likely tell you his preference would be to air “Hardcore Baseball” instead of more syndicated programming that zero people listen to. But the failure of 105.1 these past 17 months means that money is tight and times are tough. When the budget is tightened, some things have to go. A somewhat understandable situation, yes?

Then can someone please tell me why Matt Dery and THREE other members of 105.1 are currently in Arizona broadcasting live from media row!?!?

Yes, the radio conglomerate that only a couple of weeks ago laid off two employees because of 105.1’s financial failures thought it would be a brilliant idea to send Dery, Dixon,  Tom Mazawey and a marketing person from Greater Media to Arizona this week.

Look. Even if the 105.1 coffers were overflowing, sending a team of mediocre Detroit broadcasters to Arizona to cover a game between teams from New England and Seattle makes zero sense from a strategic programming perspective.

It is completely asinine to think that radio listeners in Detroit even CARE about the game beyond a casual interest. Yes, it is the Super Bowl and we all like our parties, squares, and prop bets. But what percentage of fans in this market is DYING for an entire week’s worth of Super Bowl coverage? And what percentage of THOSE fans would reject all other sources of this coverage in favor of MATT FRIGGIN DERY!?!?

And even if 105.1 did decide to cover the Super Bowl ad nauseam this week, why was it necessary for them to broadcast live from Arizona? Is the listening experience enriched whatsoever by Dery’s physical presence in the anti-immigrant state?

Money is extremely tight at the flailing 105.1, and they allocate precious resources to a weeklong live remote at the Super Bowl? I am sure the hotel rates in town are steeply discounted during the down period known as SUPER BOWL WEEK!!!

At least Dery and Mazawey had enough free time to take in the very Detroit-centric Wizards vs. Suns game at US Airways Center. Way to abuse your press pass privileges, guys! This is the worst offense involving a press pass since Jeff Moss was denied entry into the Dave Dombrowski season-ending press conference because he is Jewish.

Let’s call this trip to Arizona exactly what it is: A paid vacation for Dery, Mazawey, and co. There was absolutely zero strategic benefit to sending them on an all-expenses paid trip across the country.

Never forget™ (Rob Otto) that in the same week Dixon got rid of “Hardcore Baseball” due to budget constraints, he paid Dery and Mazawey and some other schmuck to fly cross-country and attend a Phoenix Suns game.

We now go live to the Greater Media compound in Ferndale for exclusive budgetary discussions regarding their sports station ….

When 105.1 finally dies, the autopsy won’t take long.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 29, 2015

A few years ago my wife had a miscarriage due to an ectopic pregnancy, which kind of sucked for her because she’d like to have a kid. Now, if she wants to have a baby, I will have to jerk off into a cup and we will have to go through the process of in vitro fertilization, which offers no guarantee of impregnation.

Melissa doesn’t really like being reminded of this fact, which is something the woman who owns the dry cleaner we go to discovered the hard way a few weeks back when she asked my wife if she would be getting pregnant in 2015.

The reason I am telling you this story is it probably wouldn’t behoove me to either text my spouse pictures of sonogram images or to leave photos of infants on our coffee table. Unfortunately, whichever imbecile runs the Detroit Lions website doesn’t understand this very basic human concept.

How else can you explain the fact that the webmaster for Detroit’s football team thought it was a good idea to post THIS today …..

Yes, you are reading that correctly. As part of the asinine hashtag Throwback Thursday nonsense, the Lions organization thought it would be a BRILLIANT idea to highlight “Lions in the Super Bowl.”

At this point you are probably saying to yourself, “But Myst, the Lions have never been to a Super Bowl!!!!” Well, that is correct. We are FORTY-NINE years into this grand football experiment and our franchise has never even come close to the big game.

But the people behind this organization that has won ONE playoff game in 57 years decided they would display pictures of CURRENT players who participated for the title on OTHER teams.

You know, like Golden Tate, Reggie Bush and Matt Prater. Ya gotta believe me. This actually occurred. It isn’t a funny exercise with PhotoShop.

The folks behind New Coke and subprime mortgages are laughing hysterically at this moronic decision by this embarrassing franchise.

HEY!!! Let’s all remind our fan base that we are colossal failures because we don’t have any pictures of OUR OWN TEAM in the fucking Super Bowl!!!!

What’s even funnier about the photo montage is one of the pictures — of Josh Bynes — wasn’t even from the SUPER BOWL!!! These dolts could not even get that right!!!!

As DSR reader Scott Anderson points out, Bynes’ jersey doesn’t have a Super Bowl patch and no Super Bowl has been played in Gillette Stadium to our knowledge. (This Scott Anderson isn’t the one on 97.1, by the way. Our Scott Anderson has actually put his penis in a female’s vagina.) 

The Lions also decided to highlight the fact that Jim Caldwell once coached in the game. You might remember Super Bowl XLIV. The match-up where his Colts were four-point favorites and got beat by two touchdowns while Comatose Cigar Store Indian was severely out-coached by Sean Payton.

This franchise finds new ways to amaze all the time. I hear WhiteHouse.gov is so impressed with this marketing strategy that next Thursday they are going to post a photo gallery of Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir, Benazir Bhutto and Angela Merkel.

This fucking town.

Anyway, for those who are asking why I would mention my wife’s miscarriage and then spend the last 500 words lecturing the Lions about staying away from bothersome topics…

Do you actually think Melissa reads this shit?

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 31, 2015

Five years ago yesterday, current Fox Sports reporter Clay Travis sent out a Tweet proclaiming that then-Kentucky center DeMarcus Cousins would be arrested within five years.

On the date that the [racist] prediction officially became incorrect, Cousins was named to his first NBA All-Star game. And the best part of this whole situation played out Friday morning when the Kings center reminded the world about Travis’ asinine comment via Instagram.

But Boogie wasn’t the only one lying in wait over a horrific prediction with the payoff coming on January 30, 2015. On July 23rd, Lynn Henning sent out the following Tweet ……

Now, ridiculing this bumbling fool today isn’t hindsight. This is what I posted just minutes after Henning’s missive that should have gotten him locked up in a mental institution …

I just saved that last Lynn Henning Tweet about Joba’s next contract for posterity. Will SOMEONE take the bottle of wine away from him?

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) July 23, 2014

Well, as you can surmise, Joba Chamberlain isn’t going to get a contact anywhere near $50 million or “way over” that figure as this madman suggested back at the end of July.

Seriously, a man who is paid to write about baseball suggested that JOBA CHAMBERLAIN was going to get north of 50 mill. Now, keep in mind that the two best relief pitchers on the free-agent market this offseason didn’t even command that kind of cash.

David Robertson signed a contract worth $46 million over four years. Andrew Miller inked a $36-million deal for the same length.

Since you are reading this website, I don’t think I have to tell you that Chamberlain isn’t in the same stratosphere (or galaxy) as those two gentlemen. I will just let Fox Sports baseball scribe Ken Rosenthal do that for me ….

At this point, Chamberlain knows that he is unlikely to meet his goal of a two-year deal and is considering a one-year offer with a relatively low base salary and incentives, the source said. Chamberlain made $2.5 million with the Tigers last season, and finished with a 3.57 ERA in 63 innings.

Yes, Joba is probably going to have to settle for a contract similar to the one he got last year from Detroit. Or in laymen’s terms ….. approximately $48 million LESS than Lynn Henning predicted!!!!

So, after making the worst prediction since Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer claimed the iPhone was going to be a bust and wouldn’t make a dent in marketshare, you’d think this kook Henning would sit back and take his medicine.

Well, if you thought that, ya don’t know Lynn very well. This was Henning’s actual reaction on Twitter when Jeremiah Junker (a one-time sports editor at EMU’s student-run newspaper and Vincent Goodwill’s former “boss”) called this clown out over his hilariously awful opinion ….

Yep, this response was straight out of the Lynn Henning Crazy Person handbook.

1) Accuse whomever is calling me out for my stupidity “Jeff Moss.” Because he is the only person in the world who thinks I am an imbecile.

2) Change the argument completely by stating that Joba’s numbers were better on June 7th than Andrew Miller’s — even though my Tweet came six weeks later.

3) Make some excuse as to why I would have been right even though I was never going to be correct based on my own exaggeration of events, like Joba “completely disintegrated” after the prediction was made.

4) Accuse the person of being Jeff Moss again.

5) State something that is completely inaccurate, like Chamberlain’s pre-injury track record being similar to his April and May numbers.

[Even though the prediction came at the end of July. If Joba was so great in New York, why did he get only $2.5 million from the Tigers for one year?]

Also, a lot of teams give contracts north of $50 million to former Tommy John patients who pitch well for a couple of months coming off a year with a 1.63 WHIP and 4.64 ERA.

But Lynn, you were always a true believer when it came to Joba’s past, so your insistence that he would get a huge deal this offseason was consistent with the position that April and May of 2014 were representative of the Hutt’s career ……

Why Tigers’ interest in Joba Chamberlain would be their most confusing pursuit of the off-season: WHIPs the past two years: 1.55, 1.74.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) December 12, 2013

@BarnesdaJMU David: We have yet to hear sound explanations for how Chamberlain could become part of the Tigers galaxy. I can’t imagine any.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) December 12, 2013

@dzstrmvet DZS: I don’t like the Chamberlain signing. But they’re not slashing payroll. It was bound to hit a ceiling. And has. Inevitable.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) December 13, 2013

@franchise_tdp Still cannot understand the Joba Chamberlain signing — no. Still expect Dombrowski to add another reliever. Has to …

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) December 21, 2013

Tigers are banking on Chamberlain’s K-per-inning fastball; better slider 2 years after TJ surgery; and fewer walks. That’s a lot of banking.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) December 13, 2013

Welp!!!! In a just few months, Henning went from thinking Joba was pure garbage to suggesting he’d get more money than just about any free-agent closer has earned this decade.

I apologize if your head is spinning like Linda Blair’s in “The Exorcist” at this point, but the farm boy deacon tends to have that effect on people.

Oh … I almost forgot number Rule #6. LIE THROUGH YOUR FUCKING TEETH — which really isn’t very CHRISTIAN of you, Lynn.

The man never said anything about Joba only getting that contract if he was a viable starter. It never occurred. He is pathological.

Not to mention the argument that Joba supposedly outperforming Andrew Miller for two months at the beginning of a season means anything at all in the grand scheme of things.

Does Lynn think if James Loney outhits Miguel Cabrera for a couple of months he should be able to demand a $30-million-a-year contract?

This dude has straight up lost his mind.

Can someone please get the straitjacket and paddy wagon ready?

By Jeff Moss
Detroito portsRag@GMail.com
February 1, 2015

The moment of truth is nearly upon us. In a few days the DSR’s 2015 Detroit Worst Sports Media Personality tournament will commence as 64 worthy opponents attempt to reach the Fucked-Up 4 and a date with destiny.

“Destiny” meaning future, fate and fortune not the hooker Dan Leach fucked last night at his Super 8 Motel room.

What moron, slob, patsy, Uncle Tom or shill will join past winners Michael “The Nebbish” Rosenberg and Terry “Five Tool Imbecile” Foster on the Horse’s Ass trophy?

That process will begin on Thursday but in the meantime here is your chance to fill out a bracket for a wonderful prize package that includes:

1) Four tickets to a 2015 Detroit Tigers game at Comerica Park.

2) An Amazon Gift Card.

3) A free-roll entry into the 2015 DSR Fantasy Football League with a chance to win a substantial cash prize.

To enter you need to do the following:

Fill out a bracket and include your name, phone number and email address. Email said bracket to DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com.

[Print bracket, fill it out, scan and email back to me. Sorry, we’re a poor site.]

Here is the point system that is being used. It’s the same one ESPN utilizes for the NCAA Men’s Basketball tourney …

So without further adieu, here is the bracket …..

Please note the following:

1) The overall #1 seed in the tournament is Lynn Henning of the Detroit News.

2) The biggest debate the committee has ever had was over the final #1 seed which went to Chris McCosky over Vincent Goodwill. There were really five #1 seeds because ….

3) We changed the bracket and included a “You Should Know Better” regional which is best personified by the #1 seed Bob Wojnowski and #2 seed Dan Miller in that bracket.

We graded on a curve and due to the committee’s belief that these two gentleman are the biggest disappointments relative to intelligence, power and their overall ability to make a difference in the market they received their seeding accordingly.

Because, for whatever reason (laziness, comfortability or blind loyalties) they continually refuse to do the right thing.

Over the next couple of days we will release various tournament previews, official odds and even a special Podcast with myself and Justin “@DarkoStateNews” Spiro breaking down the bracket.

Because of attempted sabotage during the play-in voting we have made a substantial change to the process. All voting will be held on the DSR’s Facebook page. If you would like to participate in determining the match-up results you will have to join the group by clicking here.

This is the only way we can guarantee someone doesn’t attempt to rig the outcome which almost occurred in the Blogger Play-In Match-Up.

Don’t worry, when the tournament is finished you can just leave the group. We aren’t Scientologists.

So, send your bracket to DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com by 11:59 EST on Wednesday February 4th and let’s have some fun at other people’s expense!!!!!

By Montana Prince’s Ex-Girlfriend
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
February 2, 2015

[Editor’s Note: The following “Pros and Cons” breakdown of the 64 participants in the DSR’s Detroit Worst Media Tournament was mostly written by DSR contributor, Montana Prince’s Ex-Girlfriend. Moss also assisted in penning some of this.

And considering that Montana Prince’s Ex-Girlfriend is trying to get into the sports media business, please assume that anything vitriolic or excessively mean was written by Jiff Myst and not Montana Prince’s Ex-Girlfriend.

Hell, we can’t even use Montana Ex-Girlfriend’s real name because any association with this site could kill his career that hasn’t even started yet.

The picture above is of Montana’s real girlfriend — just in case anyone is wondering and wants to punch him in the face.

Anyway, here is a thumbnail sketch of all 64 entrants looking to be crowned the Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality for 2015. You can check out the full bracket here.]

Mitch Albom
Detroit Free Press
#1 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Won’t block your view if he’s sitting in front of you at a concert.

Cons: Two words. Doctor. Football. While Mitch has taken a more, shall we say, “hands off” approach to covering Detroit sports since “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” was made into a TV movie, his contract with the Free Press states that he has to publish a certain number of columns each year. What was Frodo’s solution? Writing a weekly column full of inane jokes and even more inane takes. Albom’s work was so intellectually insulting that multiple national sports media members publicly mocked it. At this point in their respective careers, I would rather have Jack Kevorkian write a weekly sports column than Dr. Football. And “Dr. Death” has been dead since 2011.

Ryan Wooley
97.1
#16 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Has a better voice for radio than Jeff Riger, which is clear whenever they work together.

Cons: So would Fran Drescher.

Bill McAllister
97.1
#8 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Not Sara Fouracre.

Cons: You mean other than the fact that he’s a “personality” on a sports station who doesn’t know anything about sports?

Tom Gage
Detroit News
#9 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: No longer the Tigers beat writer.

Cons: See: McCosky, Chris.

Ryan Ermanni
105.1 and Fox-2
#5 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: He’s not his brother.

Cons: A racist, homophobic, degenerate gambler with zero knowledge or ability to perform admirably in any field, Ermanni is not only a shitbag of a media member, but also a terrible human being. Perhaps his most disgusting moment came this year when he publicly stated on his radio show — which barely qualifies as a “public” forum — that he knew about the sexual assault allegations against Brendan Gibbons “a long time ago.” http://detroitsportsrag.net/ryan-ermanni-a-total-disgrace-to-mankind/

John Keating
Fox Sports Detroit
#12 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: On screen for only a few minutes a night.

Cons: His questions are such softballs that even Don Kelly could hit one. Also, fuck Don Kelly.

Anthony Fenech
Detroit Free Press
#4 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: “The Beast” is probably the best source of hilarious real-life material the DSR has had in a while.

Cons: Fenech might be the only young baseball journalist in America with an understanding of the game that would be right at home in 1920. And since he’s young, he will probably be filling papers with drivel for the foreseeable future.  Well, unless he gets behind the wheel of another PT Cruiser, that is.

Bernie Smilovitz
WDIV-4
#13 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Honestly, Bernie does a pretty good job in my book.

Cons: Shani Inge.

Tom Mazawey
105.1 
#6 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Really fat, so he might die soon.

Cons: Thought that Justin Verlander should have gotten the Game 1 start over Max Scherzer in the playoffs. Thought Victor Martinez should have been MVP over Mike Trout. Got completely embarrassed on a national stage. Wants to “unwind your kids,” whatever THAT means.

Dennis Fithian
97.1
#11 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Holy shit, Dennis Fithian is only an ELEVEN SEED??

Cons: Nothing. As in, he is a nothing person who doesn’t matter. He only got an eleven seed not because he’s any good, but because nothing he did in 2014 mattered at all.

Rod Allen
Fox Sports Detroit
#3 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Talks during Tigers games instead of farting directly into the microphone.

Cons: Would probably be better at his job if he farted directly into the microphone.

Brian Chapman
97.1
#14 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Huh?

Cons: Who?

Shawn Windsor
Detroit Free Press
#7 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Actually wrote a very interesting and informative piece on former Michigan star Roy Tarpley and the science of addiction a few weeks ago. Lost a ton of weight on the Subway diet.

Cons: Dumb idiot apologist who is wrong about EVERYTHING.

Jennifer Hammond
Fox-2
#10 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Probably not a member of Boko Haram.

Cons: Subjected us all to the mental image of Dom Raiola pumping away on top of her … OH GOD. MAKE IT STOP.

Drew Lane
105.1
#2 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Slowly creeping towards death, as we all are.

Cons: Out-of-touch, misogynistic moron with reprehensible views on the Jameis Winston rape case. Drew was supposed to be the crown jewel for 105.1 during their switch to an all-sports format. Instead, his laughable ratings and even more laughable sports “knowledge” have probably doomed PD Jason Dixon and the format on 105.1 altogether.

Ansar Khan
MLive.com
#15 Seed (Eric Pate Region)

Pros: Supremely adequate.

Cons: Doesn’t really bring anything special to the table. There isn’t a lot to knock Khan for, but nothing to praise him for, either.

Chris McCosky
Detroit News
#1 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: He hasn’t killed anyone in a car. Yet.

Cons: Look, McCosky getting the Detroit News’ Tigers beat writer position would be bad no matter what, but this miserable piece of shit getting the job over Tony Paul? Fucking inexcusable. McCosky is the worst kind of journalist. The one who is so lazy and stupid that he just takes whatever ownership gives him and regurgitates it onto the page. McCosky is a mean, stupid jackass who defended the Tigers after their EMBARRASSING playoff loss to the Orioles by hollering about the four straight AL Central titles. Which might be an ok argument if any of those had ended with an ACTUAL TITLE. McCosky is such a loser that he’ll probably be the first #1 seed to be voted out.

Sam Webb
WTKA
#16 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Webb is pretty good at covering U of M and he once obliterated Terry Foster and Matt Dery

Cons: Kind of a Wolverine slappy.

Matt Shepard
WDFN & Fox Sports Detroit
#8 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Easy to ignore. I mean, how many people know that WDFN is still a sports station? Anyone?

Cons: Matt “Sheep” Shepard had some truly awful takes this year that might have earned him a higher seed if anyone actually gave a shit about him. From defending Tony Dungy’s comments about Michael Sam to defending Brady Hoke throughout the entire Shane Morris concussion saga so he wouldn’t hurt his chances at the UM Football gig, Shepard is a good underdog pick.

Eric Thomas
97.1
#9 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Completely and totally irrelevant. So irrelevant that Moss labeled him “Eric Flint” in the first rough draft bracket.

Cons: Just listen to this.

Kurt Mensching
Bless You Boys and Bit Part in Wedding Crashers
#5 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Probably not gonna steal your significant other anytime soon.

Cons: Might steal your kid, though.

Jerry Green
Detroit News
#12 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Essentially retired at this point.

Cons: Apparently immortal.

Tim Twentyman
DetroitLions.com
#4 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Good at his job.

Cons: His job is being a paid propagandist for the Lions. While he technically isn’t a journalist, he pretends that he is — which is almost worse. Seriously, dude takes a check from Bill Ford. And gets bonuses when the Lions advance in the playoffs. Well, he would…if they ever did.

Ted Kulfan
Detroit News
#13 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: I don’t know who this is.

Cons: Basically Ansar Khan on a tape-delay.

Vince Ellis
Detroit Free Press
#6 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Marginally better than Vincent Goodwill.

Cons: The company man to Goodwill’s Joe Dumars cultist act, Ellis continually spits out what he is given by the Pistons’ front office while simultaneously NEVER breaking Pistons news. This includes a hilarious episode in which Ellis and Goodwill didn’t find out that Pistons’ forward Greg Monroe had been pulled over for drinking and driving until NINE MONTHS after the fact. And they only found out about Moose’s contemporaneous lack of bladder control because SOMEONE ELSE HAD BROKEN THE NEWS. Ellis is absolutely worthless. Frankly, he deserves “better” than a 6 seed.

James Schmehl
MLive.com
#11 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Kind of a funny-sounding last name.

Cons: Like Anthony “The Beast” Fenech, Schmehl is a young moron. He LOVES to regurgitate meaningless nonsense in a desperate attempt for web clicks.

Dan Leach
97.1
#3 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Very easy to catfish.

Cons: Leach is a fucking psychopath who lives in a motel room, talks about banging hookers, pisses himself and makes batshit crazy Vines and Tout videos. Likely murderer.

Michael Stone
97.1
#14 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Not Bill or Sara.

Cons: Old and terrible.

Helene St. James
Detroit Free Press
#7 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Will probably never be on TV again.

Cons: A walking, talking Ken Holland press release. Loves scarves, which are an annoying and worthless clothing item. Does zero actual analysis and shills for the organization.

Mickey Redmond
Fox Sports Detroit
#10 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Not unspeakably terrible, but still terrible.

Cons: Total homer, probably more so than any other Detroit TV broadcaster. Probably should be higher for blocking Chris Osgood from working more.

Scott Anderson
97.1
#2 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Easy to beat in a race, be it on foot or to get in a girl’s pants.

Cons: This fat, cross-eyed virgin had yet another banner year for the committee to admire. I think these ACTUAL SHOW TOPICS from Karsch and Anderson speak for themselves. Who has the best bread?
 Would you hook up with a woman with 3 breasts?
 What local community has the craziest parents? 
Is the SI cover jinx for real? Who is the next victim? 
Were you a Champ or Chump of the grill yesterday?
 Peter Griffin or Homer Simpson?

Anderson also doesn’t know how WHIP is calculated. That’s right, Scott Anderson doesn’t understand how to calculate the statistic WALKS PLUS HITS PER INNING PITCHED. (Tomorrow, Justin Spiro will be making a more impassioned plea for Anderson to win this tourney.)

Jim Brandstatter
Michigan Radio Network and Lions Radio Network
#15 Seed (Meat Shop Region)

Pros: Has never, to our knowledge, written an article on how black people should be proud that they like fried chicken.

Cons: A perfectly good color guy, Brandstatter was a complete disaster as the play-by-play man this year. Sounds like he is going to die at any second.

Lynn Henning
Detroit News
# 1 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Good political beliefs.

Cons: The odds-on favorite to win this tournament, Lynn’s slow descent into complete madness was on full display this year. He accused anyone who criticized either him or the Tigers organization on Twitter of being poor ‘ol Jeffrey Myst, despite often obvious signs that the people criticizing him were real.

Henning also displayed a stunning inability to be right about anything in applauding the horrendous Doug Fister trade; mocking the Price and Soria trades; and continually touting the Tigers’ farm system. You know, the same one that ESPN’s Keith Law just ranked as THE WORST IN BASEBALL. Oh, and he said Joba Chamberlain would get $40-50 million as a free agent this year. How does this guy still have a job?

Mike Valenti
97.1
#16 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Hands down the best sports talk radio personality in the market — when he is alone and gives a shit.

Cons: Frankly, I think this is too low of a seed for Scarface Valenti. While he is the easily the most entertaining and insightful person that 97.1 employs, he is often either zoned out on air, or trolling UM fans on Twitter (and then quitting Twitter because people got too mean). Should rightfully be in the “You Should Know Better” Region.

Mark Snyder
Detroit Free Press
#8 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Not totally stupid.

Cons: Conspired with Michael Rosenberg on the Rich Rod hit-piece, which will probably earn him 8-seeds in this tournament until he dies. You really aren’t supposed to consider his abhorrent behavior regarding that witch hunt because it didn’t occur in 2014 …. but on the other hand … how can you not? Also, he looks like a weasel you’d hit with a shovel if he were milling around your garage.

Jim Price
Tigers Radio Network
#9 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Has become more critical when Tigers either play poorly or make stupid mistakes. Raises money for autism.

Cons: Tends to repeat himself. Says the same thing over and over. Uses catchphrases, like the “art of pitching,” way too much. He’s repetitive. Says things like “nice area” over and over. Repetitive. Repeats himself. Eats while he is on the air. Eats while he is on the air. Have we mentioned the “art of pitching”? The DSR is a nice area.

Mario Impemba
Fox Sports Detroit
#5 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Better than Rod Allen.

Cons: Shills for the Tigers on a nightly basis, sometimes by completely ignoring huge stories in favor of painting the Tigers organization in a positive light.

Paula Pasche
Oakland Press
#12 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: I don’t know who this is.

Cons: Seriously, no clue.

Terry Foster
Detroit News, 97.1 & Mariachi’s Cantina Proprietor 
#4 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Really, really easy to laugh at.

Cons: Foster once again backed up his reputation as the single dumbest member of the Detroit sports media this year, from his nearly incomprehensible blog; to his third failed business venture; to his Twitter feed, which is so bad that it could easily be mistaken for absurdist art. Still, Foster never really had a standout moment this year, which may result in the champ being dumped out of the tournament earlier than ever before. (Foster won it all in 2014 and was the runner-up in 2012.)

Mickey York
Fox Sports Detroit
#13 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Solid, albeit a bit boring at times. A Rich Man’s Rob Otto.

Cons: Yet another shill at FSD. Corny as hell.

Jamie Samuelsen
97.1 and Detroit Free Press Website
#6 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Goddamn, this section is really getting hard to fill out.

Cons: Has a personality so bland it can be used as a palate cleanser. Has red wine parties at his house. Just fucking horrible.

Rick Mahorn
Pistons Radio Network
#11 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Won an NBA title with the Pistons in 1989.

Cons: Unbelievably lazy and clearly doesn’t give a shit about his job, although he would probably still suck even if he did.

Pat Caputo
Oakland Press and 97.1
#3 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: I got nothing.

Cons: Winner of this year’s Raggie for “Worst Take by a Pundit” for his asinine take that Ndamukong Suh is overrated. An awful writer and terrible radio personality who basically lets his listeners (all five of them) pick his show topics while he bullies poor Dennis Fithian into submission.

Craig Monroe
Fox Sports Detroit
#14 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Has a great method for acquiring heavily-discounted clothing.

Cons: He is fairly dim and is an absolute shill for the team. Understands neither basic math nor the art of not getting caught.

Rob Parker
WDIV-4
#7 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: No longer on national TV.

Cons: Still on in Detroit, where he makes crap up on Sports Final Edition. Might have owned the worst Hall of Fame ballot in 2014, where he included Lee Smith.

Jason Beck
Tigers.com
#10 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: He reminds Moss of one of his favorite Howard Stern “Wackpackers” …. Medicated Pete.

Cons: He’s a paid shill.

Vincent Goodwill
Detroit News
#2 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: He is leaving Detroit in a week or so to cover the Chicago Bulls for a website partially owned by the Chicago Bulls.

Cons: He is well-prepared for his next gig of shilling for Jerry Reinsdorf by virtue of spending the last three years fellating Joe Dumars. Actually wrote that Stan Van Gundy “handled” Josh Smith incorrectly. Complete apologist for the Pistons’ previous regime.

Tony Ortiz
97.1
#15 Seed (Jon Paul Morosi Region)

Pros: Pretty friendly to the DSR even though he works at The Ticket. Professional broadcaster.

Cons: If Tim The Size of Twentyman has a massive coronary, he could step into that job as Ortiz is a HUGE Lions slap.

Bob Wojnowski
Detroit News and 97.1
#1 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Good writer when he actually cares — which hasn’t occurred since John Kerry was running against George W. Bush.

Cons: One of the worst Twitter feeds known to mankind. Purveyor of awful jokes. Has been mailing it in for years. Never takes a controversial position or utilizes his bully pulpit for good. Has made an inordinate amount of money between his radio and paper gigs, has neither a wife nor kids but STILL isn’t willing to put it all on the line. The primary reason we created a “You Should Know Better” region because Wojo could be an agent for good instead of another cog in this awful machine.

Trevor Thompson
Fox Sports Detroit
#16 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Has very good taste in porn.

Cons: We only know about his very good taste in porn based on his Twitter Favorites page, which he clearly didn’t know everyone could see. Never critical of the local teams, which is basically a job requirement.

Mateen Cleaves
Fox Sports Detroit
#8 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Won a national title at MSU. Helped embarrass Mitch Albom by making a change in his travel plans years ago.

Cons: Pistons apologist when you can actually decipher what he is trying to say on the broadcast.

Chris Iott
Detroit News and 97.1
#9 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: His straight Tigers write-ups could be worse.

Cons: Bland and usually defends the Tigers no matter the issue. Loves to fly under the radar by not making any sudden moves. Boring. Zzzzzzz. Likes to complain when breaking news occurs and it interrupts his dinner plans. Probably wouldn’t handle covering the war in Syria well, especially if kindapped by ISIL.

Matt Dery
105.1
#5 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Once was a good source for Moss until that lunatic started publishing private emails and direct messages between the two.

Cons: A big phony. Acts like a huge Detroit sports fan on the radio when he really doesn’t care. Obviously reads Myst’s Twitter feed — even though he blocked him — for opinions that he espouses on the air.

Angelique Chengelis
Detroit News 
#12 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Seems like a good friend to Wojo.

Cons: Totally whiffed on the Michigan coaching search. The platonic relationship Tweets between her and Wojnowski are nauseating.

Matthew B. Mowery
Oakland Press
#4 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Nobody reads the Oakland Press.

Cons: Where would one begin? Another Tigers apologist. A complete tool. His catchphrase when Victor Martinez gets a hit (Batador Profesional) is douche chill-inducing. Loved himself some Don Kelly…Even more than the rest of the awful media in Detroit. Thinks everyone on social media might attempt to kidnap his child and has 911 always at the ready on his cell phone. Is horrible and the only thing protecting him from a higher seed is his anonymity.

Rico Beard
105.1
#13 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Sits with Ryan Ermanni for a few hours a day and somehow doesn’t choke him to death. Must have great restraint. Seems like a generally nice guy.

Cons: One would have to listen to this show to know any “Cons.” We couldn’t find anyone who does.

Jeff Seidel
Detroit Free Press
#6 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: His columns on California Chrome’s Michigan connections weren’t terrible. Is the best sports columnist at his paper.

Cons: Everything else he writes is horrid. Guy doesn’t know sports. Has a worse sense of humor than Michael Rosenberg … if that can be believed. Seidel is terrible and is only the best columnist at the Freep because the other two are Drew Sharp and Frodo Albom.

Mike O’Hara
DetroitLions.com
#11 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Even though he writes for the Lions website and takes a paycheck from the Ford Family, he still writes critical things about the organization.

Cons: That happens very rarely. What a sell-out ho.

Drew Sharp
Detroit Free Press
#3 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: His head acts as a solar panel.

Cons: A total clown and coward. A troll who doesn’t believe half of the shit he writes. Still thinks the Doug Fister trade was a good deal for the Tigers. Proclaimed that Jim Harbaugh would never coach at U of M — and then didn’t show up for the presser announcing Harbaugh was hired by his alma mater. Mocked the Big Ten all year only to watch Ohio State win the National Championship. Duplicitous scumbag.

Justin Rose
WXYZ-7
#14 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: He isn’t Brad Galli.

Cons: A total MSU slap. We aren’t sure why he is in this tournament now that we think about it.

Doug Karsch
97.1
#7 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Probably would have done a better job than Jim Brandstatter if he had been given the U of M radio play-by-play gig because nobody could have been worse. Made fun of Scott Anderson for being a virgin. On the air.

Cons: Traitor. Another math denier. Detroit sports apologist.

Marc Fellhauer
105.1
#10 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: He isn’t Drew Lane.

Cons: Thinks homophobia is funny. Sports knowledge is lacking, which wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t on a sports station with a co-host who knows even less than he does.

Dan Miller
Fox-2 and Detroit Lions Radio
#2 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Solid play-by-play for the Lions. Quality news reader on Fox-2.

Cons: Earned the #2 seed in the “You Should Know Better” bracket by giving a weekly platform to some of the favorites for this tourney via HIS Sportsworks program. While Miller is better than about 99% of the people in this bracket, his loyalty to morons like Foster, Caputo, Samuelsen and Sharp can no longer be ignored. Like Wojo, Miller has become a huge part of the problem instead of a part of the solution.

Jeff Riger
97.1
#15 Seed (You Should Know Better Region)

Pros: Asks tough questions in media scrums. Seems like a hard worker.

Cons: In 2012, Riger was a member of the Fucked-Up 4 mainly because of his take that Tomas Holmstrom had a better Wings career than Sergei Fedorov. That HORRENDOUSLY AWFUL take has been expunged from his record, though, and he is now a 15 seed in 2015. This is a clear indication that the DSR rewards improvement.

By Justin Spiro
spirojus@msu.edu
February 3, 2015

It is the most wonderful time of the DSR Year! The Worst Detroit Media Personality Bracket has been released and the tournament is beginning. As the DSR’s resident bracketologist, I have taken it upon myself to deeply examine the field. I will now provide the greatest and worst value picks and my overall feelings on who will make it to Lafayette Coney Island for the “Fucked Up Four.”

Let’s get this thing started!

The Favorite 

We should get this out of the way right now. The prohibitive favorite in this tournament is #1 overall seed Lynn Henning. The 97-year-old Henning opens as a 3 to 5 favorite to claim the prestigious trophy, meaning you must risk $100 to win $60. In a field this jam-packed with absolute filth, those truly are prohibitive odds.

Henning is the rightful favorite, and would certainly be a worthy heir to Terry Foster’s “throne”. But there is no way I am making a 3 to 5 bet in THIS tournament with THIS field. There is just no value there.

And for the record, I have made an even money “The Field vs. Lynn Henning” bet with DSR Boss Joff Moss. The Dort’s Editor-in-Chief is convinced Henning cannot be beaten.

I am not so sure.

The Defending Champion

Terry Foster landed a 4-seed in the tournament, a fact that was so shocking to a handful of DSR members that they spent two hours bashing the decision.

But when you really look at the field, there are good arguments for all of the 1-3 seeds being placed ahead of Foster.

Foster’s placement in Henning’s region is likely to be devastating to his chances for a repeat. The DSR Sportsbook has Foster going off at 12-1, a very good value. This might be fool’s gold, however, with the Henning juggernaut on the warpath.

Don’t completely count out the defending champion, however. An upset over Henning IS possible, and I like Foster’s chances to reach the Fucked Up Four if that upset occurs.

Could Foster possibly take down the #1 overall seed? One must keep in mind that while MANY people hate Terry Foster, only Jeff Moss doesn’t like Lynn Henning.

I smell upset.

The Worst Values

One of the worst values on the board is Vincent Goodwill, the outgoing Joe Dumars apologist and former pupil of incumbent champion Terry Foster.

The DSR Sportsbook is offering the public 15 to 1 odds on Goodwill winning this thing, and while tempting, I must advise you to steer clear of a wager on this hack.

Goodwill would lose to either Terry Foster or Lynn Henning. And if you don’t escape your own region, you can’t escape with the trophy. Goodwill deserves a 2-seed, but we are handicapping the public here, and the heat is not high enough on this shill.

The absolute worst value on the board is the 1-seeded Mitch Albom. The odds on the elf winning are currently 12 to 1. I would not entertain a bet on Albom at anything less than 15-1. While the résumé is impressive, he is not winning this thing.

The Best Values

The aforementioned Terry Foster (12-1) is one of my favorite picks on the board, but there are other options available to value seekers.

The 3-seed of the You Should Know Better Better Region is THE BEST BET ON THE BOARD. At 10-1, Drew Sharp is a tremendous value. He is a lock to go far, and a great bet to win the whole thing. Place your largest wager on Drew Sharp to win at 10-1.

Typically you do not see much value in the higher seeds, but the 2-seeded Scott Anderson is going off at 20-1. You’re telling me you are not tempted to wager $50, the price of a Sea World ticket, on Detroit’s Shamu?

Anderson’s takes are as bad as anyone’s (i.e., mocking sabermetrics, defending the home team at all costs), but his awful attitude does not get enough run on the DSR farm. This is a guy who hangs up on callers who suggest batting average is overrated. Nothing like being condescending from the first rung of the ladder.

At least many awful members of the media are nice enough as people. Dan Leach, Jeff Riger, Dennis Fithian, Michael Stone, etc. All of those guys are bad at their jobs, but they are very cordial and friendly, even with their harshest critics.

Scott Anderson has all of the bad takes with none of the humility. The documentary Blackfish featured an asshole orca whale that the idiot public would inexplicably congregate around and applaud. The film could have been about Anderson’s career.

Toss a few clams on The Whale at 20-1.

The Awful Value Who Should Be A Great Value

Dan Miller is going off at 75-1, a seemingly ridiculous number for a 2-seed, but reasonable when you consider the public will never award Miller the “top prize”.

If Moss and I were the only two voting, Miller would be going off at 10-1.

No seeding within this tournament received more scrutiny than Miller’s 2-seed. I had to throw the enormous weight of my influential support behind Moss on this decision. Let’s be clear, there are MANY members of the media who are FAR WORSE in a vacuum. But you have to take each member’s role in town under strong consideration.

Is Matt Dery (a 5-seed) really “better” than Miller (a 2-seed)? Uhhhh, no.

But Miller has a television show with a large audience. And rather than elevating the discourse with intelligent guest hosts, he consistently invites a parade of FAVORITES TO WIN THIS TOURNAMENT!!!

Miller himself is not garbage. But he DOES place an oscillating fan in front of the city landfill and turns it up to max speed.

To whom much is given, much is expected. And Miller disappoints time and time again.

I wouldn’t mind if Miller won the whole thing. It is not Foster’s fault he is stupid. Miller is not dumb. He should know better.

Final Prediction

This is my prediction of what will happen, not what I think should happen. The public and I disagree on some of these guys. With that disclaimer out of the way, who will reach Lafayette Coney Island for the Fucked Up Four festivities?

The Eric Pate Region is the tournament’s weakest, but I see the 2-seeded Drew Lane advancing. He is the worst value to his own employer, cashing large paychecks in exchange for lazy work that has failed to move the needle in town. Lane is a real knuckle dragger, and a big reason why our long desired alternative to 97.1 has failed miserably. The public will choose Lane out of the Pate Region.

The Meat Shop Region presents a stronger field. I am going with another 2-seed. Scott Anderson needs to represent at Lafayette Coney Island for the Fucked Up Four. We all think Chris McCosky is awful, but Anderson has the bigger voice (and everything else) in town. I believe when the public really digs into the issues, they will decide Anderson cannot be (gastric) bypassed.

The lethal ™ (Sima Birach, Jr’s legal team) Jon Paul Morosi Region includes both the defending champion (Foster) and the #1 overall seed (Henning). Vincent Goodwill and Pat Caputo are nothing to thumb your nose at either. While I will be wagering on the underdog Foster to repeat, I believe the public will ultimately vote Henning to his 3^rd consecutive Fucked Up Four.

The You Should Know Better Regional features the weakest 1-seed AND the weakest 2-seed in Bob Wojnowski and Dan Miller, respectively. Which brings us to the 3-seed Drew Sharp, who I believe will shoot past his competition and into the Fucked Up Four. Be prepared for Sharp to shock the world with the dominance he will show during the Regionals. He will win each of his matchups handily.

There you have it. Drew Lane vs. Scott Anderson out West, Lynn Henning vs. Drew Sharp back East. What a massive pile of crap.

I will be writing a separate Fucked Up Four preview when we get that far, but for the record, I am throwing my support behind Scott Anderson to win the whole thing.

Wynn Las Vegas Odds

Good luck, my friends!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
February 5, 2015

You’ve been waiting a year for this day to come. The discussions have been taking place for months. And now it is upon us … the DSR’s Worst Sports Media Personality commences now!!!!!

You’ve entered your bracket for huge prizes. You’ve read all of the Pros and Cons of the 64 entrants — 56 automatic bids and 8 play-in winners — and you’ve read our Gambler’s Guide.

Now it’s time for you to vote on these wonderful match-ups. Before we get to the polls, though, a couple points of clarification ….

1) The website has decided to hold ALL voting on the DSR’s Facebook page. You will have to join the group to vote. This has been done so no one can sabotage the system.

During one of the play-in tournaments, we learned that the PollDaddy software we were using was susceptible to chicanery. To vote more than once, all you had to do was clear your cookies and website data. This led to an incident where someone attempted to get Brian Cook of MGoBlog into the bracket through shenanigans.

(We are operating under the working theory that the culprit was actually Brian Cook.)

We won’t stand for it. This tournament is sacrosanct to our community and this kind of bullshit will not be tolerated.

Will this exclusive balloting process cost us overall votes? Yes, but we can guarantee the winner of this historic event will be legitimate. We aren’t some Banana Republic, folks.

2) In the past, there have been accusations that I have manipulated the tournament for my own benefit. This complaint was of course made by Terry Foster —  the runner-up in 2012 and the winner in 2014.

The committee went out of its way to make sure that everything was above board. And while I think Lynn Henning is a prohibitive favorite to take the crown, we have made his path to victory extremely difficult.

In fact, the region where Henning is the #1 seed has been labeled “El Soporte de la Muerte.”

The Bracket of Death.

The #2 seed in that bracket (Vincent Goodwill) SHOULD be a #1 seed. The #3 seed (Pat Caputo) has already made one “Fucked-Up Four” and had another banner year of idiocy in 2014. The #4 seed is Foster, for Christ’s sake.

Hell, even Henning’s first-round opponent is a #16 seed with a puncher’s chance — due to Mike Valenti’s popularity among Michigan Wolverine fans.

If Lynn wins this tournament he will have gone through a gauntlet the likes of which no one has ever had to overcome. So there should be no accusations that the “Diaper Rash Gang” rigged this thing against him.

3) When voting you should only consider the personality’s 2014 performance. This isn’t a lifetime achievement award like back in 2012. We are doing this every year now and only the past twelve months of stupidity should be weighed.

4) Join the Facebook page here in order to vote.

5) Let the games begin!!!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
February 5, 2015

The first round of the DSR’s Detroit Worst Sports Media Personality tournament is now complete and we now move on to the matches that will provide us the “Shitty 16.”

Here are the results that got us from 64 entrants down to 32 ….

Eric Pate Regional

1] Mitch Albom 96%
16] Ryan Wooley 4%

8] Bill McAllister 78%
9] Tom Gage 22%

5] Ryan Ermanni 93%
12] John Keating 7%

4] Anthony “The Beast” Fenech 88%
13] Bernie Smilovitz 12%

6] Tom Mazawey 83%
11] Dennis Fithian 17%

3] Rod Allen 86%
14] Brian Chapman 14%

7] Shawn Windsor 26%
10] Jennifer Hammond 74%

2] Drew Lane 88%
15] Ansar Khan 12%

Biggest Upset: Hammond crushing Jared from Subway

Most Anticipated 2nd Round Matchup: Fenech vs. Ermanni

Meatshop Regional

1] Chris McCosky 98%
16] Sam Webb 2%

8] Matt Shepard 49%
9] Eric Thomas 51%

5] Kurt Mensching 88%
12] Jerry Green 12%

4] Tim Twentyman 98%
13] Ted Kulfan 2%

6] Vince Ellis 86%
11] James Schmehl 14%

3] Dan Leach 86%
14] Michael Stone 14%

7] Helene St. James 78%
10] Mickey Redmond 22%

2] Scott “The Virgin Whale” Anderson 95%
15] Jim Brandstatter 5%

Biggest Upset: Neither Brandstatter or Anderson went into cardiac arrest during this game

Most Anticipated 2nd Round Matchup: “The Thrilla of the Shillas” Mensching vs. Twentyman

Jon Paul Morosi Regional

1] Lynn Henning 90%
16] Mike Valenti 10%

8] Mark Snyder 59%
9] Jim Price 41%

5] Mario Impemba 75%
12] Paula Pasche 25%

4] Terry Foster 100%
13] Mickey York 0%

6] Jamie Samuelsen 70%
11] Rick Mahorn 30%

3] Pat Caputo 89%
14] Craig Monroe 11%

7] Rob Parker 95%
10] Jason Beck 5%

2] Vincent Goodwill, Jr. 96%
15] Tony Ortiz 4%

Biggest Upset: Terry Foster shutting out Mickey York. Someone looks a little aggrieved at the #4 seed. T-Fos is not going to give up his title without a fight and the potential third round matchup with Lynn Henning might be for all of the marbles.

Most Anticipated 2nd Round Matchup: “Say Uncle Match” Goodwill vs. Parker with the winner getting 5 large from Joe Dumars

You Should Know Better Regional

1] Bob Wojnowski 71%
16] Trevor “Sexual Healing” Thompson 29

8] Mateen Cleaves 70%
9] Chris Iott 30%

5] Matt “The Weasel” Dery 80%
12] Angelique Chengelis 20%

4] Matthew B. “Aggressive” Mowery 67%
13] Rico Beard 33%

6] Jeff Seidel 80%
11] Mike O’Hara 20%

3] Drew Sharp 100%
14] Justin Rose 0%

7] Doug Karsch 47%
10] Marc Fellhauer 53%

2] Dan Miller 51%
15] Jeff Riger 49%

Biggest Upset: Fellhauer defeating Karsch. The first time in 18 months that 105.1 beat 97.1 in anything.

Most Anticipated 2nd Round Matchup: Ratt Dreary vs. Mowery

Updated Bracket:

Updated Wynn Las Vegas Odds

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
February 7, 2015

The second round of the DSR’s Detroit Worst Sports Media Personality tournament is now complete and the “Shitty 16″ is set. The showdowns to determine the “Awful Eight” starts Monday morning.

Eric Pate Regional

1] Mitch Albom 86%
8] Bill McAllister 14%

4] Anthony Fenech 45%
5] Ryan Ermanni 55%

3] Rico Beard 39%
6] Tom Mazawey 61%

2] Drew Lane 79%
10] Jennifer Hammond 21%

Meatshop Regional

1] Chris McCosky 86%
9] Eric Thomas 14%

4] Tim Twentyman 32%
5] Kurt Mensching 68%

3] Dan Leach 71%
6] Vince Ellis 29%

2] Scott Anderson 92%
7] Helene St. James 8%

Jon Paul Morosi Regional

1] Lynn Henning 93%
8] Mark Snyder 7%

4] Terry Foster 99%
5] Mario Impemba 1%

3] Pat Caputo 85%
6] Jamie Samuelsen 15%

2] Vincent Goodwill 58%
7] Rob Parker 42%

You Should Know Better Regional

1] Bob Wojnowski 56%
8] Mateen Cleaves  44%

4] Matthew B. Mowery 47%
5] Matt Dery 53%

3] Drew Sharp 97%
6] Jeff Seidel 3%

2] Dan Miller 34%
10] Marc Fellhauer 66%

The Updated Bracket: