By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 2, 2013

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Worst TV Broadcast Team

Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit

Honorable Mention: Ken Daniels and Mickey Redmond — Fox Sports Detroit, Matt Shepard and Rob Rubick– WXYZ

Best Radio Broadcast Team

Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1

Honorable Mention: Ken Kal and Paul Woods — 97.1, Mark Champion and Rick Mahorn — 97.1

Worst Radio Broadcast Team

Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1

Honorable Mention: None

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show” 
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – Coming Soon
Worst Beat Writer – Coming Soon
Best Columnist – Coming Soon
Worst Columnist – Coming Soon
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Coming Soon

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 2, 2013

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Best Detroit Sports Beat Writer

David Mayo — MLive.com

To be quite honest, we aren’t sure if David Mayo of MLive.com was the best beat writer in 2013. The possibility does exist that his competence is a mirage.

Ya know when you go to a bar and there is a group of girls hanging out together and a couple of them are built like Rikishi and the other one, if not the prettiest in the face, is at least thin? That chick might be a five, but based on the company she keeps she is an artificial seven or eight.

The Pistons beat writer for Booth Newspapers is the beneficiary of this sort of phenomenon. His fellow Pistons beat writers are Vincent Goodwill at the News, Vince Ellis at the Freep and Keith Langlois, who works for the team. One of those fools is paid by Tom Gores directly; the other two just act like it.

Mayo, meanwhile, is a pretty good writer who doesn’t drink the Joe Dumars’ Kool-Aid like the rest of his media brethren who cover this franchise for a living.

For example, a couple of weeks ago, Vince Ellis was defending Dumars regarding the disastrous Arron Afflalo trade from a few years back. When followers blasted him for perennially defending Dumars, Ellis’ defense was that he had criticized Joe D. for the Darko pick and the Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva signings.

Like those moves were in any way defensible.

And Goodwill is an absolute lunatic who gets so aggravated by anyone questioning the Pistons GM that his Twitter avatar should be a picture of Dikembe Mutumbo’s index finger.

If you ask Goodshill a reasonable question about the Pistons passing on Trey Burke or if Greg Monroe should be dealt, you can expect one of the following responses …….

“Wanna get blocked?????

“How about blocked????”

“Blocked. #smh”

Given his competition, merely being somewhat competent at his job would make Mayo look like the lovechild of Frank Deford and Jim Murray by comparison.

And Mayo also gets extra credit for his impressive coverage of boxing, especially of Grand Rapids’ own Floyd Mayweather.

Finally, this Raggie should be seen as an apology and an olive branch from the DSR to Mayo.

Back in 2009, Mayo was charged with growing marijuana and operating his home as a “drug house.” Mayo eventually ended up pleading guilty and was sentenced to three years of probation and community service.

The DirtSpurt had a lot of fun with this conviction, going as far as to nickname the writer “Puff the Magic Mayo.”

And then we remembered that EVERY MEMBER of the DSR committee believes marijuana usage should be legal and the poor guy never should have been prosecuted in the first place.

If Mayo deserved our derision for anything, it was for his return column in which he admitted he was a weed addict. Is there even such a thing? In reality, there are those who like marijuana moderately and those who REALLY like it a lot.

The guy credited God and Narcotics Anonymous for keeping him “sober.” We hope that column was total bullshit and just a means to keep his gig.

Seriously, if we had to spend seven or eight months in close proximity to Ellis and Goodwill, we would be getting lit up more than Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson at a Willie Nelson concert.

Honorable Mention: Tony Paul – Detroit News, Kyle Meinke — MLive.com

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – Coming Soon
Best Columnist – Coming Soon
Worst Columnist – Coming Soon
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Coming Soon

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@Gmail.com
January 5, 2014

On Friday afternoon, Hall of Fame-worthy former Tigers second baseman Lou Whitaker joined Jeff Joyce and Jim Bowden on MLB Radio Network’s Inside Pitch for an interview.

The short session was extremely awkward. The pair quizzed “Sweet Lou” about his former teammate, Hall of Fame-eligible pitcher Jack Morris.

Whitaker started off by stating that Morris “probably” should gain entrance into Cooperstown. Whitaker then labeled Morris a “stud” before strangely comparing the Tigers’ former ace to Jimmy Key of the Toronto Blue Jays.

When the duo asked another Morris-related question, Whitaker appeared to let the world in on his true opinion of Morris’ ability …..

“Wow, you going to Lou Whitaker’s mind now ..uh … yeah .. trying to get in my head, huh? Trying to be the best? Jack Morris was no better than … Alan Trammell .. Lou Whitaker … uh .. if we didn’t make the plays and if we didn’t come up with the big hits Jack Morris wouldn’t be where he was or is.”

When Joyce and Bowden decided this interview was going nowhere, they started to say goodbye to Lou, which elicited this reaction from the second baseman …..

“You don’t have too much conversation going on here do you … hmmm.”

Wow. We have heard the Iron Sheik and Beetlejuice give more lucid interviews. We aren’t sure why Bowden and Joyce let Lou off the line, as this could have been radio gold.

Anyway, if you want to hear the craziness for yourself, you can click on the following link. Just hit play.

He’s Sweet Lou
He’s as bad as can
And he knows
He’s the best

[Thanks go out to DSR reader Travis Perdue, also known as Fryman IUPUI, for providing us with the audio.]

You can also get the audio by clicking here:

Lou Whitaker’s Bizarre Interview

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 6, 2013

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Worst Detroit Sports Beat Writer

John Lowe — Detroit Free Press

This was an awfully tough category for the committee to determine when you consider that most of the brain-dead imbeciles who spew misinformation in Detroit are employed as beat writers.

If you constructed a monument for the “Honorable Mentions” in this category, it would be as vast as the Vietnam Memorial. And more depressing.

Tom Gage. Chris Iott. Matthew B. [Aggressive] Mowery. Vince Ellis. Chris McCosky. Helene St. James. Ted Kulfan. And that doesn’t even include the paid shills who aren’t eligible for this category because they aren’t journalists. Tim Twentyman, Jason Beck and Keith Langlois.

The category went down to the wire between John Lowe and Vincent Goodwill and ended up a split decision.

In awarding Lowe and his doofus hat the Raggie over GoodSHILL, the thinking was the following:

1) GoodSHILL had already received a Raggie for Worst Twitter Account.

2) Most of GoodSHILL’s damage is done on Twitter and not in his articles.

3) The Pistons are the red-headed stepchild of Detroit sports, while the Tigers are the DSR’s primary focus.

4) John Lowe hasn’t just been epically awful over the last twelve months; he brings a four-decade history of dumbing down Detroit sports fans to the table. If this vote was basically a dead-heat, the tiebreaker went to Lowe for his creation of the horrid “Quality Start” stat and for his 2012 tenth-place MVP vote for Raul Ibanez.

We know that this is an Award for 2013 only, but the committee (read: Moss) is unable to throw out prior prejudices. Also, if you don’t like it, sue us in the World Court.

Anyway, while GoodSHILL is a menace to the Twitter World, Lowe specializes in shitting on his audience in “Live Chats” hosted on the Free Press websight™ (Terry Foster).

And Lowe is EVERYTHING that is wrong with the old-school baseball writers; they despise the sabermetic movement and are desperately attempting to hold onto power until kids like Chris Cotillo graduate from college.

If anything solidified this honor for Lowe, it was his chat discussion on December 5, 2013. This was Lowe’s first chat after the disastrous Doug Fister trade to Washington, D.C. Before anyone could even ask Lowe a question about this awful deal, Lowe attempted a preemptive strike with this four-point defense of the trade, which might have come directly from Dave Dombrowski’s coat pocket.

1. Trading Fister clears payroll room that helps the Tigers make a bid to sign Scherzer to a long-term deal before next season starts. Dave Dombrowski said yesterday the Tigers now believe they have the capability to do that (although he didn’t refer to Scherzer directly by name).

2. The Tigers are really lacking in starting-pitching prospects in the minors, especially ones they believe can come up and help them this year if a starter goes down. So Robbie Ray gives the Tigers someone who might be a better starting pitching prospect than anyone they had. Dombrowski seems him as insurance for next year’s rotation. The Tigers also used their first seven picks — seven — in last June’s draft to take college pitchers. That was also a tacit admission they need to get more pitching into the farm system.

3. The Tigers had that beautiful thing, a starting-pitching surplus. Unless you think Smyly will be a big dropoff from Fister, then the Tigers were wise to use Fister to try to clear money for Scherzer and to improve the pitching depth in the minors.

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4. And Smyly has a chance to be the first steady lefty starter since ’06, in a park made for lefty starters. The Tigers this year, like the ’84 Tigers and ’54 Indians, had a magnificent rotation without a lefthander. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to keep going without a left-hander. And Smyly will look nice starting in the road parks with the short porch to right (such as against Prince in Texas, eh?).

As bad as GoodShill’s obsession over Trey Burke is, this is actually more offensive. First, Lowe spends ZERO time discussing the fact that Dombrowski didn’t receive anywhere near full value value in return for Fister.

Lowe goes on to mention that the Tigers needed young pitchers in their farm system, as evidenced by the team taking seven — SEVEN college pitchers in the first seven rounds of the 2013 draft. Well, if Dombrowski added all of those college pitchers, why the fuck did he also need to trade one of the Top 20 starters in the majors for Robbie Ray? A guy who scouts label a “project.”

This dolt never mentions that the Fister trade actually hurt the 2014 bullpen due to the fact that the team’s best relief pitcher in 2013 is now in the starting rotation. There is about zero chance that Ian Kroll will be as effective as a 2013 Drew Smyly.

Finally, this argument that the Tigers needed a lefty in the rotation is so fucking intellectually dishonest.

The Tigers are coming off a playoff run where their starters were setting records on a nightly basis and were almost unhittable. Yeah, THAT was the team’s problem. That they didn’t have a lefty in the rotation.

JUST RETIRE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING RELIC!!!!!!

Then, this shitbag fossil responded to a user’s question about DD not getting value for Fister:

How do we know they could have gotten more? If Dombrowski hasn’t earned the benefit of the doubt by now, no one ever will. Jeac08, please see my comments at the start of the chat. What the Tigers got in return was hardly the only important element of the deal. Dombrowski said there were some teams that wanted Fister but didn’t have what Tigers wanted. And as I recall, when Tigers got Fister, some folks were wondering why Tigers gave up “so much” for him. Dombrowski has been a GM for far longer than most of the trade critics have been critics. If the Tigers sign Scherzer, I think you can say this was a good trade.

This motherfucker NEVER criticizes anything the Tigers do. NEVER. Unfortunately, his last name doesn’t rhyme with “shill.”

He’s also a total Don Kelly slappy. In one chat this year, Lowe asked a commenter why he would call Kelly a “never was.” Ummm, maybe because Don Kelly is a “never was.”

Of course, the advanced-metrically-challenged Lowe refused to accept that Prince Fielder had a lousy 2013 season because his traditional stats were still “good.”

Prince Fielder is fifth in the American League with 83 RBIs. He’s on a pace for 112, which would be five more than he had last season and six above his career average.

But because Fielder’s average and homers have dropped, a perception has arisen that he’s not producing as usual. Of the six longest homerless streaks of his career, three have come this season.

Yep, there was a perception that Fielder wasn’t producing. Not TONS of actual stats that PROVED it.

This is also the moron who embarrassed himself at the Joe Nathan press conference by asking the new Tigers closer why he picked 36 as his new number. Well, SOMEONE had to ask that crucial question since David Solano wasn’t in attendance.

Congratulations, John Lowe. You managed to separate yourself in a category that includes Officer Barbrady, the star of the film “Bring it On” and a guy whom the DSR had to SHAME into getting a passport so that he could cover the Pistons in Toronto.

That’s true quality.

Honorable Mention: Tom Gage, Chris Iott. Matthew Mowery, Vince Ellis. Chris McCosky, Helene St. James and Ted Kulfan.

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Best Columnist – Coming Soon
Worst Columnist – Coming Soon
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Coming Soon

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@Gmail.com
January 7, 2014

Probably because I am an overgrown child, I still really enjoy phony phone calls. I have always been a big prank call guy, from The Jerky Boys to Crank Yankers to Richard Christie and Sal Governale’s virtuoso work on “The Howard Stern Show.”

So my curiosity was piqued on Sunday when I received an email from a new DetroitSportsRag reader claiming that he and his friends have spent the last several years making phony phone calls to the “talent” at WXYT-FM.

I don’t know, I enjoyed these prank calls mainly because I can’t stand the dolts at 97.1. You can be the judge of their quality.

(Hopefully, in the future they will get away from all of the gay hijinks as this isn’t “The Drew Lane Show.”)

Anyway, I have deputized these anonymous goofballs as the Official Prank Phone Callers of the DSR. I am hoping in the future they will have some DSR-related prank calls for our amusement, and that they don’t laugh over the punchlines.

In the meantime, here are a few of their calls. At the very least, the one where Jeff Riger admits that nobody likes him or his show is classic.

Press the play button to start listening to the audio files.

A Big Fan of Jeff Riger Also Likes Jerry Sandusky

The Pranksters Tell Pat Caputo That the DIA is More Important Than Sports

Racism Behind the Denard Robinson/Devin Gardner Decision?

Moneyballs Prank Call to Pat Caputo

Bath Salts???, Moneyball and Pat Caputo … Again

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 7, 2014

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Worst Detroit Sports Columnist

Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press

There were four candidates for this category and like almost all of the “Worst” Raggies in 2013, this was another slobberknocker.

The four possibilities all had their cons upon cons, but at some point the committee had to make a decision. Here was the thought process of the DSR Elite when contemplating this year-end honor.

Let’s start with Drew Sharp, who would probably relish winning an award like this. Yes, Sharp is an imbecile. And yes, Not the Sharpest Drew has horrible takes (nobody is better suited to manage the Tigers than Jim Leyland). And yes, Sharp is a monorail salesman™ (Richard Deitsch) in the Skip Bayless vein.

But giving this balding dope a Raggie is no different than booing Triple H for screwing Daniel Bryan out of another title shot against the Apex Predator, Randy Orton.

So, in the end, the committee had to say “No! No! No!” to Sharp receiving ‘Worst Columnist” recognition.

Then you have the curious case of Bob Wojnowski, who in 2011 was an “Honorable Mention” for BEST Print Journalist.

Now, placing Wojo in the same group as Albom, Seidel and Sharp is almost cruel and unusual punishment, but we do have our reasoning. There isn’t anyone in the Detroit media market who is more intelligent than Wojo,which is why his continual mail-it-in approach warrants his inclusion.

Instead of utilizing his column to critique the Detroit sports teams and their mostly lousy management, Wojo decided long ago to make ZERO waves and instead write lame and tame pieces that NEVER move the needle.

The worst part about Wojnowski’s approach is that it is cowardly. Wojo isn’t some young reporter trying to scratch out a living. Dude has made a boatload of money between his News gig, all of the cash he earned at WDFN over the years and the money he is paid by CBS Radio just so he can’t move to 105.1.

Seriously, the guy is receiving a substantial check from 97.1 to work approximately 5.5 hours a week just in case Greater Media was going to launch an FM sports station.

Wojo never got married. He doesn’t have 74 kids to feed like John Niyo and he probably has made enough dough to live off of until he is Yoda’s age.

THAT’S the guy who has decided to play it safe and just skate through his career with as little controversy as possible. All we get from Bob these days is an endless stream of bland opinion pieces along withTwitter “flirting” with News cohort Angelique Chengelis.

And while Wojo is easily the most disappointing columnist in town due to his refusal to call a spade a spade, we still couldn’t pull the trigger and give him this Raggie.

So, we were then down to the other two Freep columnists — who are atrocious in their own unique ways.

Frodo Albom is awful in so many ways that they are hard to quantify at this point. For a douche bag who thinks he is superior to, and more of an intellectual than his mouth-breathing colleagues who ONLY cover dumb jocks for a living — and who don’t write death-inspired novellas and save the Haitians with Sean Penn — Condescending Baggins spends a lot of time being anti-logic.

Forget for a moment his absolute obsession with God and heaven and other fairy tales that most people with his supposed intellect and education reject as hocus pocus. Let’s give the Keebler Elf the benefit of the doubt that he is merely exploiting the naive and foolish with his best-selling books for financial gain and he doesn’t ACTUALLY believe in all of that voodoo.

How about Albom’s total rejection of math when it comes to advanced metrics in sports? This supposed scholar sounds like the average white-trash dummy bellied up to a bar drinking Miller Lites whenever he writes about sabermetrics.

And when this moron — who has an MBA from COLUMBIA’S BUSINESS SCHOOL — isn’t downplaying MATH, he is ripping on baristas and raging against technology in his columns.

Unfortunately, the committee decided that Condescending Baggins’ new book about phone calls from …. wait for it …… HEAVEN and his Freepcolumns warning about the evils of Apple products and twerking weren’t to be considered when deliberating this Raggie.

So, even though Albom’s sports columns were horrible in 2013, and he might have plagiarized, there weren’t enough of them for Frodo to get the nod over Seidel.

Which brings us to the “Poor Man’s Michael Rosenberg” and the recipient of this Raggie.

When RosenNebbish decided to take his lack of talent to Sports Illustrated in 2012, we figured that his replacement couldn’t be any worse. Like, RosenDork was sooooo bad that he won the inaugural “DSR Worst Detroit Sports Media Personality” tournament.

Yet, if you take away RosenDweeb’s horrifically biased and meaningless expose on Rich Rodriguez’s practices, Seidel is every bit as awful as RosenGeek.

Hell, RosenTool might actually be funnier than Seidel. Can you imagine? Rosenberg is probably the unfunniest person on the planet, yet the Freep managed to replace him with someone possessing a worse sense of humor. It would be like Duck Dynasty replacing Phil Robertson with a filthier, homophobic religious wacko.

We could spend the rest of 2014 recounting all of the idiotic things Seidel said in print in 2013. From writing that the Tigers needed to hire a clone of Leyland, to his bashing of Michigan State basketball fans for not showing up for a meaningless game, to his asinine and naive opinion that FIRST time PED users should be kicked out of sports for good, it’s a never-ending cascade of horrible takes mixed with jokes that would make Carrot Top rip out his orange hair.

But there was one column that completely illustrates both Seidel’s awful “humor” and his complete lack of sports knowledge. It was this garbage, lazy piece previewing the Red Wings’ playoff series with the Chicago Blackhawks.

This “column” was such an abortion that DSR contributor “Jum Pete” decimated it line by line when it was first published. Here is that takedown in its entirety ……

1. Quick note to the Chicago Blackhawks: No reason to be concerned about this pesky little team from the Motor City. PESKY IMPLIES THAT CHICAGO SHOULD HAVE SOME CONCERN.

3. So let’s say Chicago is rusty. Let’s say the Wings steal a game in Chicago. Then, the Wings will come home to Joe Louis Arena, which was electric last week during the first round of the playoffs. THE WINGS LOST THE FIRST GAME AT HOME, SO…

4. The Blackhawks were featured on a Sports Illustrated cover this year, and they were given credit for saving hockey! Maybe you should be feeling nervous. SEIDEL KEEPS SHIFTING WHO HE IS ADDRESSING. IT’S UNCLEAR IF HE IS USING “YOU” TO ADDRESS THE READER OR THE BLACKHAWKS DIRECTLY AGAIN? THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS, BUT A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF POOR WRITING.

6. Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews didn’t score against Minnesota. Quick note to Kane and Toews: Not to put any pressure on you boys, but don’t blow it! Maybe you should be feeling nervous. THEIR STARS ARE IN A RUT AND THEY MIGHT NOT GET OUT OF IT.

7. Patrick Sharp is bound to slow down. He scored five goals against the Wild. But he is just one of several guys who can score for Chicago. “They have four lines who are rolling and can score,” Niklas Kronwall said. AAAND, HE COMPLETELY CONTRADICTS HIS PREVIOUS POINT.

10. Chicago swept the Wings during the regular season, but they were (almost) all close games (I will, at this point, conveniently dismiss the 7-1 blowout loss in Detroit as an aberration). All of those close, tight games will give the young Wings confidence. WE’LL JUST TAKE HIS WORD FOR IT.

11. OK, so maybe Wings goalie Jimmy Howard doesn’t have the best save percentage, but every player on the roster says the same thing: He is the MVP of this team. “We know we can skate with them,” Howard said. THIS QUOTE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SENTENCES PRECEDING IT.

12. The Wings’ Henrik Zetterberg is playing like Captain Incredible. He strapped this team to his back and is evolving into a great leader. WHO IS CAPTAIN INCREDIBLE? THERE IS NOT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER WITH THAT NAME.

13. If Howard plays even better, and if Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk are just as amazing, and if they can play well on special teams, and if the young kids continue to improve, and if Wings play four near-perfect games, and if the defense is solid, they will win this series. PLAGARIZING FROM ROSENBERG.

15. Remember, hatin’ is bad. Unless you’re hatin’ a team from Chicago. REPEAT JOKE. AND ‘HATIN’” HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHY EITHER TEAM WILL WIN.

16. Can the Wings pull off the upset? Even if Chicago is better, deeper and stronger? Logic points to Chicago winning this series. But here’s the fun part: The Wings have a chance. Sure, it might take a little luck or a strange bounce. It’s not probable but it’s possible. ZERO ANALYSIS WITH ZERO INSIGHT.

So here you go, based on the growth over the past two weeks, Wings in six. PANDERING TO WINGS FANS.

TO SUMMARIZE, THE TEAM IS “RIDING HIGH,” “IMPROVING EVERY GAME,” “GROWN UNDER THE PRESSURE,” AND “BASED ON (THAT) GROWTH” CAN WIN THE SERIES.

At this point you may be asking yourself how the FUCK Seidel got this job in the first place. Even for a paper as lousy as the Freep has become. Well, from what the DSR has learned, it wasn’t Sports Editor Gene Myers’ decision to give Seidel this gig.

When Shecky Rosenberg quit, the higher-ups at the paper decided to force Seidel on Myers. You see, before making the move to the sports section, Seidel was writing columns about his daughter’s underwear and illegal fireworks for the Freep.

Even before Seidel posted his first “sports” column, Moss wrote that this hire would be an utter disaster, and the 2013 Raggie for Worst Detroit Sports Columnist only verifies that prediction.

We would be remiss if we didn’t make one more comment about the columnists and the opinion pieces in general in this city.

During his five years in Detroit, ex-Lions coach Jim Schwartz had a putrid record of 29-51. Schwartz’s teams were incredibly undisciplined, both on the field and off of it, during most of his tenure. Schwartz displayed pathological behavior at times and in 80 games at the helm, he had an anemic record against winning teams.

Yet, not ONE columnist in Detroit called for Jim Schwartz’s head until his team’s loss against the Giants a few weeks ago, which knocked the Lions out of playoff contention.

Not ONE writer had the foresight to see that Schwartz was a lousy head coach based on the previous 78 games, even though there was a mountain of evidence suggesting it.

Nope. None of these pantywaists had the gumption to take a stand and write the obvious — that Schwartz was an enabler of his star players and was too arrogant and cocksure of himself to be in a position of power. And we haven’t even mentioned his awful clock management..

In fact, if Justin Tucker’s field goal drifts a little more to the right, or if Matthew Stafford doesn’t throw that awful fourth quarter interception against the G-Men, you probably still wouldn’t have one Detroit journalist writing that Schwartz had to go.

Of course, when it became inevitable that the Lions were going to replace their head coach, they all came out of the woodwork calling for Schwartz’s scalp. You couldn’t click on a Detroit media website without another scribe saying Schwartz had to go.

Not because he was an awful coach over a 60-month period, but because of a few plays that could have gone either way at the end of a disappointing season.

The truth is, almost all of the opinion writers in Detroit are spineless, feckless cowards who embarrass themselves on a weekly basis.

So, congratulations to Jeff Seidel for rising to the top of that smelly landfill.

Honorable Mention: Mitch Albom, Bob Wojnowski and Drew Sharp.

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Worst Columnist – Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Coming Soon
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Craig Monroe Memorial Award — Coming Soon
Best Columnist – Coming Soon

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 7, 2014

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Worst Media Related Restaurant Disaster

Terry Foster — Foster’s Smokehouse

It is shocking in itself this is an actual category. Compound it with the fact that the two finalists for this award come from the same radio show …. well …. it’s AMAZING.

We aren’t going to spend a lot of time rehashing the abject failure that was Foster’s Smokehouse in Fraser.

Suffice it to say, Foster spent the first few months of 2013 blabbering about his new culinary endeavor on his blog and on Twitter — spamming the imbeciles who follow this dolt for sports takes — only to refuse to address the fact on his blog that the awful joint went out of business after only 124 days.

Here is the Foster’s Smokehouse obituary the DSR published, as the New York Times didn’t deem the death of a dining establishment named after an illiterate “journalist” to be newsworthy.

Meanwhile, as late as this past Sunday, Foster was still lying about the future of this disaster of a business idea ….

@jb61973 That’s because we are in the process of moving. I will give you more details later

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 5, 2014

That’s the latest fib “The Truth” has told a Twitter follower about the Closedhouse™ (Justin Spiro). Foster had the audacity to tell another follower that he made money. On a restaurant. That went out of business after 124 days. Because someone “bought” him out.

What a fucking pathological lunatic.

@JTalon00j Laugh all you want. We got bought out and made money. We shall return

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) December 29, 2013

You’d think that Mike Valenti getting his face lit on fire by a waiter squirting a bottle of liqueur on a dead cow tableside would win this Raggie during a normal year, but Valenti’s “Flaming Tomahawk” wasn’t even the winner on his OWN RADIO SHOW.

We can only imagine what Foster’s next Ralph Kramden-esque business venture will be. Just know that a Raggie will probably await that failure in 12 months.

Honorable Mention: Mike Valenti’s Flaming Tomahawk

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Worst Columnist – Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Terry Foster — Foster’s Smokehouse
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Craig Monroe Memorial Award — Coming Soon
Best Columnist – Coming Soon

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 7, 2014

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Craig Monroe Memorial Raggie

Bill Shea– Crain’s Detroit

Because the DSR is a subversive website that regularly attacks the establishment Detroit sports media, we regularly don’t receive credit for breaking stories. The thought of many in the industry is that acknowledging that the DSR exists at all will come back to haunt them at a later date.

This has started to change in recent months as mainstream media members like Tony Paul, Justin Rogers, Michael Rothstein and Kyle Meinke have all uttered the name that supposedly cannot be spoken.

But there is one absolute thief who deserves special recognition for ripping off the DetroitSportsRag without attribution over the past year, and that is Bill Shea of Crain’s Detroit.

This career loser — who is around 40 years old and allegedly inspired by Hunter S. Thompson and Phillip Roth, among others — is still working at a trade publication and jacking the hard work of others.

Can you imagine if Hunter S. Thompson was writing for a business publication at the age of 40? The “Fear and Loathing…” author would have blown his face off 27 years earlier.

Anyway, Shea locked up this Raggie for stealing Jeff Moss’ scoop that Greater Media was going to flip WMGC-105.1 from adult contemporary to Detroit Sports 105.1, and that Drew Lane would be the centerpiece of the new station.

You can catch up on that story here, as we aren’t going to waste any more bandwidth discussing this remora™ (Bill Shea). Just know that Moss and Gregg Henson broke every single aspect of the 105.1 story and that Shea lifted the material, getting credit from the Free Press, News and MLive.com for “breaking” the news.

It was despicable behavior on every level.

It was so contemptible that even Matt Dery LYING about never having heard of the DSR and then mentioning exclusive reports a couple weeks later didn’t even come close to knocking Shea off of his perch.

While the Raggie for every other category was a Detroit snow globe, a “Made in Detroit” coffee cozy and one of Moss’s wife’s unused tampons, we will be sending this Shea in honor of his win …..

Honorable Mention: Matt Dery Jacking DSR Material for “The Discussion” and Eric Lacy — MLive.com, Jeff Moss not properly crediting Justin Spiro for the Foster’s Smokehouse Contest

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Worst Columnist – Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Terry Foster — Foster’s Smokehouse
Craig Monroe Memorial Award — Bill Shea — Crain’s Detroit
The Jamie Samulesen Award – Coming Soon
Best Columnist – Coming Soon

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@Gmail.com
January 8, 2014

Terry Foster isn’t a very bright guy.  And when he has no one to edit his work or advise him on what is appropriate to say and not to say on a social media platform, well … you get what occurred on Tuesday morning.

It all started innocently enough with Foster Tweeting out a link to his blog in which he declared his love for his new smoker.  That the guy has the nerve to write an article about his personal smoker when he still hasn’t posted about his restaurant failure in Fraser is beyond me, but whatever.

Of course, this dolt Tweeting about his new smoker was sure to get a response from one of my minions.  And it did.

Terry Foster blog: I love my new smoker: http://t.co/8kQXVkNK1g

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@TerryFoster971 How is it possible that you have a smoker but your idly silent restaurant that has smokehouse in the name doesn’t have one?

— Kyle Clifford (@KyleJClifford) January 7, 2014

And there it was.  Foster eventually responds to this Tweet, but we will get to that later.  But the interesting Foster blowup occurred over another Twitter account.  Some goof named “slickisnick.”  I tried to post this person’s Tweets as well, but it seems Foster got his or her account suspended.

Anyway, you can read Foster’s Tweets to this account.  He starts about by comparing the “troll” to Clarence Thomas.  For some reason Foster thought “slickisnick” was black right off the bat, but I am not sure why.

@slickisnick @KyleJClifford Hey Clarence. You played the card that every angry white guy does. You are a disgrace

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick and how did you get your job? Was it because of mom or dad?

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick The smoke house is moving. I got two and a half jobs supporting a famil. Life is good. stick to your own business

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick two jobs cause I work my ass off. you don’t even know half of what I do. I get tired of closet bigots like you who say the same

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick every black man has been told the same by bigots like you. the only ones that don’t hear it are those that don’t have jobs

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick You are an uncle Tom then. You are not really black cause if you were you’d know better. you know what blacks are up against

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick what you are is Clarence Thomas. if you are indeed black. you are a phony bastard and should be ashamed of yourself

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick you played the race card first dumb ass. You are a fake

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick @KyleJClifford Hey Clarence. You played the card that every angry white guy does. You are a disgrace

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@KyleJClifford I will give you full information down the road. We are not closed. We are moving. And despite what you read it hada smoker

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

We are not closed.  Oh, really?????? If the Smokehouse isn’t closed, why has the place been shuttered since October 27th.  And someone better correct Yelp! Moving? Oh, ok.  Right, because a lot of restaurants go out of business in less than six months and then move.  Maybe the new location will be Foster’s house.  At least we know they have an actual smoker onsite.   

@slickisnick Some of the worst bigots in the world are black dudes with white women. You should know that. If indeed you are black — Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

Uh oh.  Seems like Idiot Foster is going down the Rob Parker career suicide highway …..

@slickisnick See, you parade your white woman around like you got something. It is your source of pride like you made it in the world — Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

@slickisnick Of course you love your white woman. That is all you got in life. This is your self hatred coming out. You need help — Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

Foster is seriously bagging on an African-American for marrying a white woman. So, was Foster a self-hating black guy when he married Michelle Kaufman? Did Foster need “help” when he married a white chick? Is this guy insane and why is he Tweeting this lunacy?

@slickisnick I live in the suburbs. The majority of my street is black people. Opps. You messed up again. Get your facts straight — Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

Remember that Britney Spears song?  ”Opps I did it again.”

@slickisnick You are not a brother. you are a fake. I got to go though. You know how it is. Affirmative action is calling.

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 7, 2014

Rats.  We were just minutes from Foster calling @slickisnick a “Cornbread Brutha” and ending his career before he realized someone was fucking with him.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 7, 2014

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Jamie Samuelsen Raggie

Jamie Samuelsen — 97.1 and Detroit Free Press

This Raggie was created at the request of DSR co-creator Gregg Schultz whose dislike for the bland, vanilla, ass-kissing career bore Jamie Samuelsen even surpasses Moss’ distaste for the “professional” broadcaster.

Schultz was adamant that JB receive some recognition as being one of the worst media members in Detroit and he was afraid that Samuelsen would fall through the cracks, as his blog wouldn’t qualify him for the “Worst Columnist” Raggie, and his constantly-preempted radio program with Bob Wojnowksi wouldn’t meet the minimum content requirement for that honor.

Well, Schultz was concerned that Samuelsen would come away unscathed. Just not worried enough to actually pen this write-up.

Anyway, if Samuelsen’s uneventful, snoozefest career wasn’t enough to have already earned this “Lifetime Achievement Award,” he wrote this asinine blog post in the Freep that sent Schultz into a furious rage. This article was so awful that it rivaled the idiot’s “Kenny Holland should be the Lions GM” blog from a few years back.

This piece was so illogical and fucked up that you would have to question how this dolt got into Northwestern. The DSR has retired the word “retard” from our lexicon because it is offensive. But we’re sorry, this article was fucking RETARDED.

Let’s take a look…

Schwartz is not a perfect coach. His flaws are well documented. There have been off-field issues involving his players. His teams frequently play sloppy and mistake-prone football. Schwartz himself has made highly questionable coaching decisions that have either directly or indirectly cost the Lions wins in very winnable games. And his career coaching record after Sunday’s loss in Philadelphia is 29-48.

But even if you put all those things aside, he still stands on very shaky ground for two reasons that supersede everything else.

1. A month ago, the Lions were 6-3 coming off an impressive road win at Soldier Field. They were in first place in the division with seven games remaining against teams with a combined record at the time of 23-42. Bears quarterback Jay Cutler was trying to come back from an injured groin but hasn’t played since the Lions game. Packers All-Pro Aaron Rodgers has missed the past six games with a broken collarbone and the Packers are 1-4-1 in his absence. This division was essentially being handed over to the Lions and they’ve responded by going 1-3 despite being favored in three of the four games. During that stretch, they’ve turned the ball over 15 times while forcing just four turnovers. The division should be clinched by now and easily could have been if the Lions took care of the football. Instead, the Bears are tied with the Lions at 7-6 (although the Lions do hold the tiebreaker) and the Packers are right behind at 6-6-1.

2. Tell me another team in the division that boasts the star power that the Lions do. They have the best wide receiver in the game (Calvin Johnson). They have the best quarterback in the division (Matthew Stafford) who’s not nursing an injury. They have the best defensive player in the division (Ndamukong Suh). And they also have standout players like Reggie Bush, Nick Fairley, Rob Sims, Glover Quin and Brandon Pettigrew who are playing as well as they’ve ever played in their careers. For years, the Lions struggles have been about talent, or a lack thereof. The talent is here. Martin Mayhew had an outstanding draft and free agent season to bolster the roster that was already in place. This team is ready to win and should be winning and the fact that they’re not falls squarely on the shoulders of Schwartz.

So, not only does Samuelsen lay out an airtight case for why Schwartz isn’t a good coach, he acknowledges that he has a talented roster. When Jizz Bucket wrote this article, Schwartz had already helmed the Lions 77 times.

SEVENTY. SEVEN.

Paul Coffee. Ray Bourque.

Can you imagine not being able to make a judgment on a coach’s acumen after watching him up close for nearly five seasons?!?!!?!!

Obviously, Samuelsen could not; after he listed all of the reasons why Schwartz should have been a Dead Man Walking, he wrote this …..

Lions fans have a hard time believing in this team and I have a hard time blaming them. But I do believe in this talent. And I believe this talent should shine through in these last three winnable games and then on into the playoffs.

If it doesn’t, I do believe another man should have the chance to coach them in 2014.

This is the logic this train wreck uses. Can you imagine? Yeah, Schwartz is a bad coach and the team has underperformed, but if they somehow win enough games to make the playoffs in 2013, EVERYTHING ELSE WE KNOW ABOUT JIM SCHWARTZ SHOULD GO OUT THE WINDOW.

You dumb motherfucker. You ignorant cunt. Who told you that you could work with men?

If only the Ford Family would have read Samuelsen’s original blog a five years ago, Kenny Holland would have been the Lions GM and Jim Schwartz never would have had the gig.

And we’d all be debating if Lindy Ruff deserved another year in the Honolulu blue and silver.

Honorable Mention: Are you serious?

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show”
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Worst Columnist – Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Terry Foster — Foster’s Smokehouse
Craig Monroe Memorial Award — Bill Shea — Crain’s Detroit
The Jamie Samuelsen Award – Jamie Samuelsen
Best Columnist – Coming Soon

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 9, 2014

[Editor's Note: After a one-year hiatus, the DSR has revived our year-end awards given out to the Detroit Media. Instead of one long article presenting all of the recipients at once, we will be rolling these out over the next few days. And yes, the Raggie Trophy is a Detroit snow globe, a "Made in Detroit" coffee cozy and one of Moss's wife's unused tampons.]

Best Detroit Sports Columnist

John Niyo — Detroit News

When I was growing up, there weren’t many options if you wanted to read about sports.  Locally, you basically had the Freep and the News; nationally, you had Sports Illustrated.

Of course, over the last decade or so, those outlets have become less relevant due to the fact that traditional publications have struggled mightily in the transition to the Digital Age.   The local papers are a shell of what they once were and Sports Illustrated has almost been rendered irrelevant.

And while these periodicals haven’t figured out how to properly monetize in the Internet Era, they have also made mistake after mistake, causing their readers to look elsewhere.

You don’t have to look much further than Sports Illustrated’s awful decision to hire Michael Rosenberg away from the Free Press and the Detroit paper’s decision to replace him with Jeff Seidel for proof that these once-great entities have no fucking clue what they are doing.

In an era where CONTENT is king, SI made the brilliant decision to hire Shecky RosenNebbish, while a Homeless Man’s Dave Barry — without much of a sports background — replaced him.

(Thanks to DSR contributor Brian Richard Coburn, we may have figured out how Seidel got that gig.  Mitch Albom thanked Seidel in his hilariously naive  ”Fab Five” book, which was published almost 21 years ago now.   I have been told that higher-ups at the paper got Seidel the job over sports editor Gene Myers’ objections.  I am guessing that the “higher-up” was Frodo Albom.  Although “higher” and Albom usually don’t mix.  Maybe he was in a booster seat when he made the recommendation.)

You’d think that when faced with intense competition, these papers and magazines would reward excellence instead of mediocrity (or worse), but they don’t.  Which leads us to the winner of the last Raggie to be presented for 2013.

If anyone in Detroit deserved the shot at national prominence that RosenDweeb received, it was Detroit News columnist John Niyo.   But, not only did Niyo not get that gig, he can’t even get promoted by his current employer.

Seriously, Niyo is BY FAR the best sports journalist in Detroit.  The chasm between him and whomever else you want to nominate for second place is of Grand Canyon proportions.

As I wrote back in June of this year, Niyo even working in the same department as many of those brain-dead jerkoffs is like if Daniel Day-Lewis were performing in your child’s middle school production of “Inherit the Wind.”

From his bombing of the Pistons to his bombing of Jim Schwartz to his bombing of Prince Fielder ….. hell, John McCain thinks Niyo has an itchy trigger finger.

(He did wait WAY too long to bury Schwartz, and while he is the only person in the Detroit media to be critical of Kenny Holland, I am still waiting for a double-barrel attack on that overrated clown.)

And unlike Drew Sharp, Niyo doesn’t rip simply to troll Detroit sports fans.  He does it in the name of accountability.

Unfortunately, the News editors don’t even realize what they have in Niyo. Instead of promoting this guy and giving him the plum assignments, they make him play second-fiddle to a guy (Bob Wojnowski) who almost acknowledges that he is mailing it in at this point.

The News should make Niyo’s column the prominent commentary on everything local — Lions games,Tigers postseason contests, Red Wings playoff games and Pistons head coaching hires.  He should be the top banana at that paper as even Wojo himself has to know he isn’t as good as Niyo is.

Instead, his editors send him to the Olympics.  Who gives a shit about the Olympics? Well, other than women.

And they should splash his pieces on the front page of the website.  Instead, half the time you have to navigate the paper’s website in order to find for his work.  Hell, that pedophile-looking motherfucker Kurt Mensching’s Tigers blog seems to get more exposure than some of Niyo’s columns.

You want to know how obscure Niyo is? The dude won two Raggies this year.  One for “Best Columnist” and the other for “Best Column of the Year.”  Because there is only ONE picture of the guy on Google Images, I had to use a photo of Phil Ivey for his other award!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me? And if he would have won Best Twitter Account. I would have had to post a pic of Tiger Woods.

The next time I see Niyo, I am going to have to take a picture of him MYSELF just to prepare for the 2014 Raggies (where he is already the heavy favorite for “Column of the Year” with this decimation of the Pistons from Monday).

(And yes, I am stealing some jokes from that June piece on Niyo, but give me a break, I don’t have a lot of practice when it comes to saying nice things about people.)

So there you have it.  The DSR’s version of “Best Picture” goes to Niyo, which FINALLY ends our roll-out of the Raggies.

But stay tuned for the site’s second Tournament of 64 WORST Detroit Sports Media Personalities; the opening rounds will begin later this month.  And we already have a creative way to fellate Niyo when they commence.

Now, start following me on Twitter again, ya ungrateful bastard.

@JeffMossDSR you. tweet. too. much. and angrily so.

— John Niyo (@JohnNiyo) January 1, 2014

Honorable Mention: Nobody

Best Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Discussion” with Matt Dery
Worst Sports Talk Radio Show — “The Drew Lane Show” 
Best Local TV Anchor — Lindsey Hayes — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Media Twitter Account — Tony Paul — @TonyPaul1984
Worst Media Twitter Account — TIE (@TerryFoster971 and @VGoodwill)
Worst Article/Column of the Year — Pat Caputo — Oakland Press
Best Article/Column of the Year — John Niyo — Detroit News
Best TV Broadcast Team – George Blaha and Greg Kelser — Fox Sports Detroit
Worst TV Broadcast Team – Mario Impemba and Rod Allen — Fox Sports Detroit
Best Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Miller and Jim Brandstatter — 97.1
Worst Radio Broadcast Team – Dan Dickerson and Jim Price — 97.1 Best Beat Writer – David Mayo — MLive.com
Worst Beat Writer – John Lowe — Detroit Free Press
Worst Columnist – Jeff Seidel — Detroit Free Press
Worst Media-Related Restaurant Disaster – Coming Soon
The Jamie Samuelsen Award – Jamie Samuelsen — 97.1 and Detroit Free Press
Craig Monroe Memorial Award —  Bill Shea — Crain’s Detroit
Best Columnist – John Niyo — Detroit News

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 10, 2014

It is now January 10, 2014. The Detroit Pistons have played a total of 36 games, which represents 44% of the season. Their record is a pathetic 14-22 — a winning percentage of .389 –while residing in what is potentially the worst winter sport conference in the history of organized athletics. They are currently on a six-game losing streak –All against teams that were UNDER .500 at the time

As it stands today, the team would miss the postseason again — which is the equivalent of not qualifying academically for Wayne County Community College. All of this leads me to ask the following question ……..

WHY DOES JOE DUMARS STILL HAVE A JOB WITH THIS FRANCHISE?????

My educated guess is that the team is owned by an absentee private equity businessman who lives in Beverly Hills, California and has zero clue how to run a professional sports organization.

Ya know, the same dude who INSANELY rushed the court after a game-winning buzzer-beater by Josh Smith. DURING THE EXHIBITION SEASON.

(I am not sure what video is more entertaining. This one, or the one of Tom Lewand’s DUI arrest. Let’s call it a draw.)

Excuse me if I am not sold that a grown man who couldn’t properly pronounce the names of his players at his debut press conference and who decided to join his team on the court in a celebration over a PRESEASON victory knows how to manage an NBA franchise.

Just a few weeks ago, I wrote an article reviewing the Year in Detroit Sports and made the case that the Pistons were the most enjoyable team to watch in Motown because they hadn’t failed to live up to expectations. Since that column was posted, the team has won one game.

And lost eight.

Look, there is a plethora of reasons why Joe Dumars should currently be in an unemployment line behind Jim Schwartz and Al Borges.

You can start with this nugget. Here are his team’s winning percentages over the last six years.

2009: .476
2010: .329
2011: .366
2012: .379
2013: .354
2014: .389

If Joe Dumars were a leadoff hitter, Billy Beane would be drooling over those on-base percentages. Unfortunately for Dumars, he is the GM of a basketball team even though it is a mystery as to why he still retains that title.

And look at some of the organizations that Dumars’ Pistons team is currently trailing in the standings. The Atlanta Hawks, for one. Didn’t Joe D. take one of that team’s best players via free-agency a few months ago?

Even the Toronto Raptors are 17-17 — and they are doing it AFTER they traded Rudy Gay to Sacramento in hopes of tanking the season for more lottery balls. Unfortunately, Toronto management must not be John Hollinger disciples and didn’t realize that trading Gay would actually make them a better squad.

The Chicago Bulls lost Derrick Rose for the season — again — and yet they have a better record than a Pistons team that has basically been constructed for one goal: Make the playoffs THIS year.

Hell, the Boston Celtics got rid of Paul Piece and Kevin Garnett and still don’t have Rajon Rondo in the lineup and they basically told their fanbase that they were playing for Jabari Parker or Andrew Wiggins; even they are only one game behind a team whose GM is doing everything possible to qualify for the postseason in order to save his own ass.

But the Celts didn’t hire a retread head coach like Maurice Cheeks and instead got creative with Butler’s Brad “Galli” Stevens, who has performed a minor miracle in keeping Boston afloat.

Stevens must salivate at all of the wasted talent on the Pistons roster while he is scraping by with the likes of Jeff Green and Jared Sullinger.

Which brings us to Cheeks. What the hell is this guy getting paid to do? Best as I can tell, the only time he has gotten mad since coming to Detroit is when his fuck buddy found another woman’s lipstick on a wine glass and he became irate with her for questioning him about it.

The Pistons regularly take  leads into halftime only to get annihilated in the third and fourth quarters. Even a total moron who, as of December 19th, thought the Pistons were the most entertaining team in town can can predict that ……

Pistons up by 4 at halftime. Looking forward to Dwane Casey out-coaching Mo Cheeks in second half and a 12 point Raptor victory.

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) January 9, 2014

Oops. I was off by nine points. They actually lost by 21!!!! I mean, what does Maurice do during halftime? Flip between Piers Morgan and Rachel Maddow? Peruse AshleyMadison.com?

And it’s not like there isn’t SOME talent on the Pistons. Most teams in the Least would love to have a nucleus of Andre Drummond, Greg Monroe, Josh Smith, Brandon Jennings and Rodney Stuckey.

And it’s not like the Pistons are eight game under .500, but starting to show signs of turning a corner.  With the addition of a new point guard and Smith playing out of position plus Drummond getting a larger role with the team, you could have expected a rough couple of months to start the season.

The only thing a Pistons fan could have asked for is progression from the Island of Misfit Toys and yet they have been regressing on a nightly basis.  How could a team still trying to find itself beat the Heat and Pacers on the ROAD and then go on a six-game losing streak when they should be starting to jell?

But it would appear that Cheeks has no clue what the fuck to do with these guys. That makes only the seventh straight awful head coaching hire by Dumars.

But none of the above are the real reason why I believe that Dumars should be axed immediately. Hell, at this point, I would even consider the Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva signings to be water under the bridge.

Look, this team isn’t going anywhere this season. Why the novice owner is so hellbent on a first-round playoff exit is beyond me. Winning 38 games and making the playoffs only to be annihilated by the Heat or Pacers isn’t going to bring fans back to the Palace or get a buzz going in Detroit.

At this point, Gores has to look at his roster and make the decision that his “Playoffs or Bust” edict has already caused irreparable harm to this team. He should cut his losses while he can.

Since Gores foolishly told his lame-duck GM that his job was going to be taken away from him if he didn’t qualify as a postseason sacrificial lamb, Dumars has behaved like a man whose first priority is his own fat ass, and not the future of a $500 million franchise.

Look, Joe Dumars didn’t pass on Trey Burke in the 2013 draft because he thought the Michigan product wasn’t an exciting prospect.

Joe Dumars didn’t pass on Trey Burke because he was worried it would be too much pressure for the “hometown” kid to perform in Auburn Hills. Fuck, Trey Burke is from Columbus and 50% of Pistons fans are probably MSU supporters who couldn’t give a fuck about his collegiate heroics.

Joe Dumars passed on Trey Burke because his OWN job was on the line and he wasn’t going to let a rookie point guard determine his fate. THAT is why he passed on Trey and took Kentavious Caldwell-Pope instead.

Even Joe’s two propaganda machines — Vincent Ellis and Vincent Goodwill — would tell you that.

(By the way, do you know who was the NBA Rookie of the Month in December? ESPN’s top rated rookie as of December 27th? I will give you a big hint.  The player that Dumars compared to Steve Alford on draft night!!!!!!!)

Because it’s always a great decision in professional sports to give your chief executive an ultimatum so that the GM puts his own status above the welfare of the team. And that is exactly what this naive venture capitalist did.

And it has to stop now. Due to Gores’ stubborn unwillingness to amnesty Ben Gordon in June of 2012, the Pistons now must have a Top 8 pick in the 2014 draft in order to avoid sending it to the Charlotte Bobcats.

Yep, for the privilege of taking Gordon’s albatross of a contract off of Gores’ books, Michael Jordan is preparing to receive the Pistons’ first-round pick in the deepest draft since Chad Ford had us convinced that Darko Milicic was Smelly Euro Kevin Garnett.

So now the Pistons are sitting a half-game out of the playoff race and the NBA Trade Deadline of February 20th is fast approaching. Do you have any faith that Dumars will do the RIGHT thing for the future of this team over the next 42 days, or do you believe he will do whatever is necessary to keep his family in Bloomfield Hills?

If you think he will sacrifice himself for the greater good, you probably were sleeping when he signed Josh Smith, traded for Brandon Jennings instead of drafting Trey Burke, and hired a retread coach instead of taking a shot on someone like Stevens.

Gores needs to shitcan Dumars immediately and send Mo Cheeks out the door with him.

The last thing that this organization needs is a GM who is trying to save his own skin and who is on the record as having a moral dilemma with regard to tanking for more lottery balls.

And we aren’t talking about losing in order to get the 5th pick instead of the 9th. We are talking about the difference between having a first-round selection and getting a Grade A prospect or not having one AT ALL!!!!!!

Because if you think dealing Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson and trading Arron Afflalo for a second-round pick that turned into Vernon Macklin were unmitigated disasters, just wait for this team to miss the playoffs and end up with the ninth selection in the draft.

I am calling my shot now.  The Pistons will miss the postseason and end up with the eighth worst record in the league.  And then someone behind them in the standings will leapfrog Detroit and get into the top three which will result in the Bobcats getting our selection.

Seriously, do you know how hard it is to get ripped off in a trade with MICHAEL JORDAN??!!?!?!? Yet, here we are.

I will always appreciate Joe Dumars for his contribution to the Bad Boys Era championships and for constructing the 2004 title team.

But to quote Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli …..

It’s time to say goodbye.

By DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 10, 2014

David Arquette has had many problems with alcohol abuse during his life.

He’s admitted to drinking his first beer at the age of four.

At one point, his friends and family had to stage an intervention to save him from the bottle.

He lost THIS because he couldn’t keep his shit together:

In the greatest indignity a male human being can suffer, Arquette had to appear on TV with Oprah Winfrey to explain how alcohol nearly wrecked his life and career.

He has called Howard Stern’s radio show many times over the years in an inebriated state.

But ALL of that pales in comparison to a clip TMZ posted this afternoon of the Scream star and Lions punter Sam Martin.

Now, we have ZERO CLUE how Arquette hooked up with a Georgia-born football player who attended Appalachian State,but the pair two were out in Los Angeles last night.

Anyway, in the clearest indication that Arquette needs to be immediately whisked away to a rehab facility, the actor offered to bet a TMZ cameraman EVEN MONEY that the Detroit Lions would win the Super Bowl next year.

Now, 500 bucks might not seem like a lot to a guy who received a large financial settlement from one of the stars of Friends, but $500 is still $500.

Arquette offered this insane wager even though the Lions are currently without a head coach. Even though they are one of the few franchises that has NEVER even sniffed a Super Bowl appearance. And even though they’d have to win at least THREE playoffs games in one run when they have only won ONE postseason affair in the last 56 years!!!!!

Also, Arquette kind of thought that Martin was a placekicker and not a punter.

Can someone please get David some antabuse and an immediate ride to Betty Ford? And please, keep Coco away from this lunatic.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 10, 2014

Some of you out there believe I am “obsessed” with Terry Foster. It’s not true. I am obsessed with stupidity, lying, hypocrisy and horrid sports takes.

Well, after typing that out, I guess I am guilty as charged. Look, when Foster stops telling untruths and spouting the worst sports takes known to mankind, I will stop bashing him on this website. In other words, when one of us drops dead.

Honestly, I am no more obsessed with Foster than David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel are fixated on Sarah Palin. You go where the content is — and Foster is a goddamned reservoir.

So what did the imbecile do this time to draw my ire? Well, he wrote a blog for his websight™ (Terry Foster) on Thursday about the new Michigan Offensive Coordinator, Doug Nussmeier.

What initially had me interested in this horrid piece was Foster’s constant misspelling of Nussmeier’s name. It wasn’t that big of a deal that this dolt couldn’t bother to “Google” the proper spelling of his subject’s name, but it was worth a Tweet or two mocking this buffoon.

Trust me, if Foster had ONLY spelled Alabama’s former OC’s name “Nussmeir” repeatedly,we wouldn’t be here right now. Unfortunately, Foster never learned the lesson from “Watergate” that it’s ALWAYS the coverup.

Anyway, after I bombed the jackass on Twitter for criticizing the hiring of a guy whose name he couldn’t even spell correctly, some of my minions messaged the 97.1 “personality” on the social media platform to tell him it was spelled “Nussmeier” and not “Nussmeir.”

Here is a screen grab of the article in its original form ………

Clearly, you can see that Foster misspelled the coach’s name each time he mentioned him.

This led to Twitter banter between African-American Matt Prentice and one of my fans ….

@KeeptalkTruth I did not touch a thing

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 9, 2014

@KeeptalkTruth I did not change anything. I don’t even know what you wrote.

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) January 9, 2014

“I didn’t change anything.”

“I did not touch a thing.”

Why lie about something so insignificant, especially when it could be proven in approximately two seconds that you aren’t telling the truth? I guess it’s because Terry Foster is a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.

Here is a screenshot of the Foster article as it currently appears on his site …..

“I didn’t change anything.”

“I did not touch a thing.”

I guess that every instance where Foster misspelled Nussmeier’s name magically edited itself without the barely-literate author doing anything about it. EXCEPT, of course, in the third-to-last paragraph, where Foster let the mistake fester.

“I didn’t change anything.”

“I did not touch a thing.”

What a fucking liar. But, it gets worse. Much worse.

Another one of my devotees actually went to the trouble of posting a “Comment” on Foster’s blog that “The Truth” didn’t spell the OC’s name right.

Foster’s blog is set up so that ONLY Foster can authorize comments to actually appear on his page. If you make a comment, you have to wait for the doofus to read it and then “approve” your post.

So, take a look at this screenshot from “Colin” ……..

As you can see, “Colin’s” comment was awaiting moderator approval.

Terry, come one, man. You’re better than this. The guy’s last name is “Nussmeier” not “Nussmeir”. Please do some editing before you post.

Clearly, Foster read this comment and deleted it because it doesn’t currently appear on his blog. After getting this heads-up from “Colin,” Foster obviously went and edited his horrible article.

“I didn’t change anything.”

I did not touch a thing.”

Why would anyone believe ANYTHING this guy has to say? If this was the first time the DSR caught this lunatic red-handed, maybe it wouldn’t be much of a story. But this is a constant pattern of deceitfulness.

And all over what? Because he can’t admit that he misspelled a proper name?!?!??!??

And Nussmeier/Nussmeir-Gate totally obfuscates (look it up Terry) the awful CONTENT of Foster’s post.

Foster makes many horrid points in his “article,” (including a straw-man argument that Nussmeier might not be a good hire because a few rednecks in Alabama are happy to see him gone) but his pièce de résistance is his final take:

Now that Michigan has made the next move in trying to catch Ohio State and Michigan State it now needs to make another change.

Let the Sugar Shane Morris era begin.

Yep, Michigan should bench their fifth-year senior for a sophomore with 47 career pass attempts.

So U of M can compete with OSU. Even though in his last game against the Buckeyes, Gardner THREW for 451 yards and accounted for FIVE touchdowns.

Against his school’s biggest rival.

I am curious, has anyone in the history of football LOST their starting gig AFTER throwing for 450-plus yards and five touchdowns in his team’s biggest game of the year??!!!?!??!!?

Not to mention, part of the reason that Al Borges is out and Nussmeier is in is because Borges struggled all year trying to figure out a way to utilize Gardner.

I am not sure why I am so worked up by Foster’s asinine Morris/Gardner take. Some commenter will probably tell “Liar Liar” that it was a moronic position and he will quickly edit it out.

And then deny he ever wrote it at all.

“I didn’t change anything.”

“I did not touch a thing.

[Update: After completing this post, Foster published another blog.  This article detailed the torment T-Fos suffered when deciding to vote Peyton Manning or Charles Woodson for the 1997 Heisman Trophy.

In the end Foster cast his ballot for Woodson.  And what was the final deciding factor?

"I finally chose Woodson because he won a national title and changed things on the field in ways I’d never seen a defensive player do."

The only problem with this latest fabrication is that Woodson didn't win a share of the national championship until January 1, 1998.  The Heisman Trophy was awarded on December 13, 1997.  19 days EARLIER.

So unless Foster had a 1984 DeLorean with a flux capacitor, Foster had no clue who was going to win the national title when he turned in his ballot.

You know why I voted for Ronald Reagan over Jimmy Carter in the 1980 Presidential Election? Because Reagan freed the Iranian hostages.  Wait? What?!?!?!?

Foster then goes on to tell a story about how Peyton Manning asked him the next summer who Foster voted for in 1997.

And if you believe that occurred, I have a Smokehouse in Fraser to lease you. Have you met my friend, Ryan Thierry?]

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 11, 2014

Earlier today,  I wrote an article explaining why it was long past time for Tom Gores or Platinum Equity or Palace Sports and Entertainment or Anthony Pellicano or whoever is running the Pistons to fire Joe Dumars as President and General Manager of the organization.

Well, late on Friday, I spoke to two sources with connections inside the Palace who told me there have been recent rumblings that the Pistons and Dumars will part ways as early as next week.

It is the worst kept secret in town that the Pistons had to make the postseason in 2013-4 for Dumars to keep his job, but it appears that the team’s recent struggles coupled with ownership’s unhappiness with first year coach Mo Cheeks’ performance might have accelerated the process.

According to my sources, a number of factors are at play for why Dumars might not make it through the season ….

1) The biggest issue seems to be that neither of Dumars’ two headlining offseason moves have worked out as planned.  There was intense pressure on Joe D. to hire the right leader for this team as there has been a head coach revolving door at 6 Championship Drive over the last few years.

Gores’ people even brought in the winningest coach alive Phil Jackson in as a consultant on this crucial hire.

The Cheeks Era didn’t start well before the Pistons even played their first game with allegations that the former 76ers great was involved in a domestic dispute.  Charges eventually were never filed by prosecutors, but the ugly details of alleged abuse still became a national story.

What has occurred on the court hasn’t gone much better for Cheeks as his team is sitting at 15-22 in the pathetic Eastern Conference.   The Pistons currently occupy the ninth spot in the East which means if the season ended today they would not qualify for the postseason.

Before tonight’s victory against the lowly 76ers in Philadelphia, the Pistons had lost six straight games to teams under .500.   After a humiliating loss at home on Sunday to the Memphis Grizzlies, Cheeks basically admitted he was at a loss for what ailed his team.

Not exactly the start that Gores and his people could have envisioned when Cheeks took the helm this season after Lawrence Frank was fired after the end of last year.  And given a three-year contract.

2) Dumars’ marquee free-agent signing of Josh Smith hasn’t paid the necessary dividends either.  The Pistons inked the Atlanta forward to a $54 million, four-year contract over the summer and not only has Smith’s play been a disappointment, but he has had multiple run-ins with Cheeks.

In a year where Dumars’ team had to make the playoffs while the players and coaches peacefully coexisted — unlike the “buffoonery” of previous regimes — the new head coach and headlining free-agent acquisition are the ones who are at loggerheads.

3) It is no secret that Smith and Cheeks haven’t gotten along.  The Pistons coach has benched Smith a couple of times this season including a highly publicized incident where a miscommunication led to Smith missing a practice.

But the situation between the two is even worse than we have been led to believe according to one of my sources INSIDE the Palace.  Apparently, Smith and Cheeks have gotten into such intense arguments that on at least one occasion the dispute ended in items being thrown at one another.

The last time the DSR received a rumor that contents items were being tossed around the Palace, the accusation was that Rick Carlisle had thrown a vase or plant at a member of the secretarial staff.  And a week after our report, Carlisle was fired.

So, to summarize the first half of the 2013-4 season, the Pistons are off to a miserable start, the two key components brought in to turn things around haven’t done their job and instead are at each other’s throats and the team is well on its way to the worst possible scenario imaginable.

A franchise that has made several shortsighted decisions with the sole intent of making the playoffs in 2014 coming up short while not being bad enough to get a top eight draft selection which would result in the Charlotte Bobcats obtaining the Pistons first round pick in a very deep class.

Joe Dumars was drafted by the Pistons in the first round of the 1985 draft.  He has been here ever since as a great player and then transitioned into management and eventually became President and GM.  His number has been retired and he has won three championships as a member of this organization.

But after 29 years, the Joe Dumars Pistons Era could be over in the next few days.  The last connection to Bill Davidson’s ownership out the door.

I have reached out to Platinum Equity partner Mark Barnhill for comment about this story, but I am still awaiting a response.

Stay tuned …….

DSR Staff
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 13, 2014

On tonight’s DSR Podcast, Jeff Moss and Michael Bochenek discuss the disastrous Detroit Lions coaching search, marijuana, Tom Lewand’s professional future when he gets fired by Lions, circumcisions and Bat Mitzvahs.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 14, 2014

The other night, I experienced one of my favorite things in the world — going to a movie theater to view a new Coen Brothers movie. Unlike the Detroit sports teams I cover on this website, Joel and Ethan Coen NEVER disappoint me. Not even with Intolerable Cruelty.

I spent nearly two hours in a theater watching Inside Llewyn Davis

As the closing credits rolled, a couple of elderly ladies sitting near me started discussing why NOTHING good ever happened to this poor, struggling folk singer.

I responded by blurting out, “Is this your first Coen Brothers film? In comparison to A Serious Man — where the protagonist’s 13 year-old son ends up dying in a tornado as the move fades to black — this was fairly uplifting.”

Well, having learned of the Lions latest awful coaching hire as I was refreshing my Tweets on Tuesday, I finally figured something out. The Detroit Lions are a fucking Coen Brothers production without the T-Bone Burnett accompaniment.

How else can you explain the misery and emptiness of following this franchise? One playoff win in 56 years. The only current non-expansion team to have NEVER made the Super Bowl. Players dropping dead on the field. Players and coaches dying while mowing the lawn. Their best player in the history of the franchise quitting on them because he couldn’t handle the losing.

I could go on forever listing all of the travesties that this organization has suffered, but try to tell me that Matt Millen isn’t the kind of buffoon that would appear in a Coen movie played by John Goodman.

Unfortunately, unlike a Steve Buscemi character in a Coen production, we don’t get out of this so easily. And trust me, I think I’d rather get tossed into a woodchipper or suffer a massive heart attack in a bowling alley parking lot than continue rooting for the shitshow down at Ford Field.

Jim Caldwell? Jim FUCKING Caldwell? Are you kidding me?!??!?!?! Even for a franchise that has employed the likes of Darryl Rogers and Rod Marinelli, this hiring is an ALL-TIME LOW.

Seriously, the Detroit Lions just hired a head coach who, if he didn’t get this gig, was going to be FIRED as the Offensive Coordinator of the Baltimore Ravens. WHO DOES THIS?!?!!?!? A competent organization that has won two Super Bowls this century had enough of Caldwell’s lousy play-calling and were trying to figure out a nice way to show him the door; they were SAVED from that potential awkwardness by the Lions providing him a PROMOTION!!!!!

How do you even explain this to your fan base unless you just don’t give a flying fuck about them?

This is Jim Caldwell’s resume. During eight seasons in the ultra-competive ACC (hahahahaha), the man put up a record of 26-63 at Wake Forest. The season before this dolt arrived in Winston-Salem, the Demon Deacons had gone 8-4. Caldwell took over that team and led them to a 2-9 record.

In his final season at Wake Forest, the Deacons went 2-9. AGAIN. Yep, bookends. After this loser got fired, the team rebounded to a 6-5 record.

You couldn’t make this crap up if you tried.

Jim Caldwell’s career record as a head coach when Peyton Manning is NOT his quarterback? 28-77. A winning percentage of .266. Fuck, Jim Caldwell makes Matt Millen’s NFL record look like Vince Lombardi’s.

This is YOUR football team’s new head coach. Even for the Detroit Lions this is remarkable. They just handed the reins of the team over to a guy who was about to get axed … AGAIN … and who must have the worst head coaching record in the history of sports of anyone to have been given ANOTHER SHOT.

Even when you include his two seasons with a top-five quarterback in league history, Caldwell’s overall winning percentage is still only .379. This is fucking insanity!!!!!

The least embarrassing thing on Caldwell’s resume is that he worked for seven years in the same locker room and shower stalls as Jerry Sandusky.

And Lions fans who will just accept this latest slap-in-the-face with a shrug of the shoulders and a renewal of their season tickets are even crazier.

I suggested on Twitter earlier today that we should round up any Lions fan who actually renews their season ticket package and toss them into an internment camp. I am not even joking. These enablers should be locked up somewhere. I would use the old Silverdome site and force these selfish bastards into some sort of slave labor.

And while they are stamping out license plates or making an iPhone or building the Pyramids of Pontiac, I would FORCE them to watch a “highlight” reel of the Darryl Rogers and Matt Millen Years.

When will enough be enough for these jackasses who continue to spend their hard-earned dough on an organization that continues to give them a golden shower?

Look, if the allure of getting drunk and tailgating eight times a year on a Sunday is so great, can’t you do it somewhere else that doesn’t lead to the lining of the pockets of the Ford Family?

Get shitfaced at The Church of the Holy Redeemer for all I fucking care, but STOP supporting a franchise that continues to let your fellow alcoholic (Tom Lewand) make these types of crucial football-related decisions.

But Moss, Tony Dungy gave this career nothing a huge endorsement. Look, just because Dungy won the bare minimum of Super Bowls with Manning as his QB doesn’t mean he is a guru on the rest of life’s mysteries.  [Radio Edit.]  This just in …. TONY DUNGY DOESN’T HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS!!!!!

Oh, and let me jump up and down and grab my ass cheeks because Caldwell’s CLOSE FRIEND told Bill Ford, Jr. That he would be a great coach. That’s like Ben Affleck telling a director that Matt Damon would be a perfect fit for a movie. What the hell is his good friend going to say? “Did you check out his record at Wake Forest?”

Oh, and Peyton himself supposedly put in a recommendation for Caldwell as well. Well, I guess Manning forgot that we have video evidence of what he really thinks about Caldwell’s awful coaching ….

Yep, the Lions’ new coach — who is awful at clock management and conserving timeouts, according to numerous reports — probably called the WORST timeout in the history of The Shield. But it wasn’t like that asinine decision occurred in a playoff game or anything.

Oh, that’s right. It did.

And that wasn’t even the only horrid usage of timeouts that occurred during that forgetful Colts season. Dummy did something similar against the Jaguars during regular season.

I guess you could look past a couple of timeout blunders when a new head coach comes to town. But when you couple those brain-dead errors with his record at Wake Forest, you ask yourself … HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HIRING OCCUR?

Did I mention that in the dog-eat-dog world of the ACC, this loser had a conference record of 12-52? As DSR correspondent Justin Spiro pointed out, a winning percentage of 19%. And his best ACC result was 3-5. To put it differently, if Caldwell could have stayed another season in Winston-Salem and ONLY lost four of his first five conference games, he would have actually IMPROVED his record?!?!!?!?!!!?

Honestly, when will the people of Detroit FINALLY revolt against this goddamn nonsense? If this isn’t your boiling point, what will be? I’d go as far as to suggest boycotting all Ford products while you’re at it. When your lease is up on your Edge or MKZ, go get a GM or a Chrysler product.

I’d purchase a Toyota or a Lexus before driving around in anything that has The Blue Oval on it at this point. Hell, I still hold the German automakers somewhat culpable for the Holocaust, but I’d lease a Volkswagen or Mercedes-Benz before driving around in a Explorer with “FORD” stamped on the grille.

And yes, I am aware that six million of my people were systematically annihilated by the Nazis and their sympathizers, but the Lions embarrassing performance during my lifetime has hit a lot closer to home.

And do you know why the Lions keep ending up in this predicament? How they are one of only four franchises to have never made make a Super Bowl appearance? Why they haven’t won a playoff game in 22 years? Well, other than the fact they have an incompetent alcoholic for an owner who hired his attorney’s son — who might even have a bigger issue with the bottle than Sr. — as Team President?

[If that last paragraph confused you, I suggest that you watch this informative video: Tom Lewand Had A Few Too Many Breath Mints]

It’s because they are ALWAYS overreacting to their last bad hire. The Lions are like a driver who hits a patch of ice and totally overcompensates by jerking the wheel in the opposite direction, causing even further trouble.

When they fired Wayne Fontes, they HAD to hire a new man who wasn’t a player’s coach. A guy who wasn’t a buffoon who commanded so little respect that his quarterback thought dressing up like the “Big Buck” on Halloween was a good idea.

So they brought in a hard-ass in Bobby Ross, who promptly ran Barry Sanders off to London.

When Ross quit on the team because he couldn’t overcome their stench of losing, the Lions brought in an offensive-minded coach who ran the West Coast Offense.

And when Marty Mornhinweg was canned in part because he sounded like an idiot when interacting with the media, Millen replaced him with a smooth-talking used car salesman in Steve Mariucci.

The only problem with Mooch was he didn’t really want to put the time in any longer as a head coach and was more concerned with racing off to do Local Ford Dealer commercials, so Millen axed him and replaced Mariucci with Rod Marinelli.

Marinelli — a Vietnam veteran who ate, shit and breathed football — was the exact opposite of Mariucci. Unfortunately, like all the rest before him, he wasn’t a good head coach either.

And finally, when replacing Joe Barry’s father-in-law, the Lions hired a young, brash, seemingly intelligent defensive coordinator.

And now that Jim Schwartz has flamed out, the Lions decided they needed the exact opposite of Gym Shorts; a no-nonsense OFFENSIVE coordinator who could tutor Matthew Stafford and who once had been a head coach in the NFL. So instead of opening up the interview process to college coaches, defensive coordinators and anyone who might be able to get this team to the next level, they basically pigeonholed themselves into one class of frontman.

Ken Whisenhunt, Gary Kubiak, Mike Munchak and Caldwell all basically had the same M.O. And when “The Whiz” eased on down the road to Nashville — instead of supposedly taking the “best available coaching position” — the Lions just went down the list to the next cloned candidate.

The ironic part of this coaching search is that Mayhew ran it exactly OPPOSITE the way he handles the draft. Supposedly, Mayhew doesn’t draft for need. He takes the most talented player on the board because that is HIS philosophy.

The same jackass who takes THAT approach to the NFL Draft didn’t think it was necessary to expand his extremely narrow head coaching criteria and maybe fly in Gus Malzahn, Brian Kelly or David Cutcliffe for a sit-down.

Nope. Because he had to have the Bizarro Jim Schwartz and that is what he got. Schwartz is white. Caldwell is black. Schwartz was a defensive coordinator. Caldwell was an offensive coordinator. Schwartz wears his emotions on his sleeve and has killed many a headset. Caldwell keeps everything inside and, for all we know, could be in an Ariel Sharon eight-year coma.

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE LIONS DO. They fight the last war and not the upcoming battle. They are always reacting to the past and never looking to the future, which is why they will never find their Jim Harbaugh or Chip Kelly.

Although, I am not sure why I am taking this Caldwell hire so poorly. So he can’t properly manage the clock. And he clearly has zero clue about how to properly use timeouts. Even in retrospect. Or that one national writer labeled his tenure in Indianapolis “amateur hour.”

How can you not be excited about his new offensive coordinator Bill Lazor and defensive coordinator Teryl Austin????

If those two names don’t get the blood pumping, I don’t what know to tell ya.

WHO??????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

When Lewand announced the firing of Jim Schwartz a few weeks ago, he stated that his goal wasn’t to win the next press conference. Well, don’t worry about that, Tom. You have done the impossible with this hire. You’ve awakened the local media out of its collective slumber and even THEY are incredulous.

The Lions can’t win on the field. It would appear — because they are still worried about the bottom line — they couldn’t even win over their top candidate. And hopefully, tomorrow at 4 pm when the team announces this retread as their new coach, there is a bloodletting of epic proportions and they lose the presser as well.

This is all a fucking cosmic joke and nothing is ever going to change while the Ford Family runs this putrid NFL franchise.

This isn’t The Hudsucker Proxy, and Jim Caldwell ain’t no hula hoop.

After writing this article, I think I need a drink. Maybe I will Direct Message my Twitter buddy Tom Lewand and see if he wants to go out for some “Tic-Tacs.”

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 16, 2014

I had fully planned on attending yesterday’s Detroit Lions press conference announcing the hiring of their incompetent new head coach Jim Caldwell.

Mainly, because it has become painfully obvious that unless a DSR emissary shows up for these dog-and-pony shows, not ONE good question will get asked of the Detroit sports organization decision makers.

I had already planned out my wardrobe, received specific instructions from someone in the know where I should park and enter Ford Field and had plans to purchase a lanyard and create a fake credential from the Jewish News on Wednesday morning.  Part of the ruse included sporting a yarmulke, wearing my Bar Mitzvah tallit and speaking Yiddish to beat writers Josh Katzenstein and Michael Rothstein.  I felt carrying my shofar into Ford Field would been a little over-the-top.

But my hopes of crashing this #1PlayoffWinIn56Years shindig were dashed as soon as I checked my iPhone when rolling out of bed Wednesday morning as I received the following Tweet photo in an email from Oakland University basketball statistician Jeremiah Fick:

Yep.  On the day that I was going to make my Lions press conference debut, the team COMPLETELY changed their credentialed media security protocol!!!!!

All because they obviously caught wind that I was going to attend their little welcoming party.  And if you don’t believe this was done with the specific purpose of keeping Poor Jiff Myst out of Ford Field … well ….  I don’t know what to tell ya.

How odd was this sudden change in approach? Gregg Henson — who has run several radio stations over the last 20 plus years as a Program Director — called this move “unprecedented” with the Lions.

Another member of the Detroit Media said that the heightened security for Caldwell’s presser was at a “Super Bowl level.” 

Former WDFN employee Rob Otto — whose job required him attending hundreds of these events — said he had never seen that type of security for a non-game.

How bad was the extra scrutiny? MLIVE.com Lions beat writer compared it to the Jennifer Lawrence’s movie vehicle:

@JeffMossDSR I feel like I’m getting ready to go to the Hunger Games lottery or something.

— Kyle Meinke (@kmeinke) January 15, 2014

Here is the actual alert the Lions sent out to the media warning them about the new measures to keep me out of their sandbox:

Attn: Sports Editors, Sports Directors, News Editors and News Directors

Due to Ford Field stadium security protocol, all media (including all reporters who cover the team on a regular basis) requesting to cover today’s press conference must pre-register by submitting an e-mail request to Detroit Lions Director of Media Relations Matt Barnhart (Matt.Barnhart@lions.nfl.net) by 2 p.m.

Editors and news directors should provide all names of reporters, producers, photographers and technicians who need access to today’s press conference.

Media should enter Ford Field Gate G and proceed to the media check-in table.

Media will be required to present either their pre-distributed Allen Park Season Media credentials or two forms of identification that include both company and government identification.

Check-in will begin at 3 p.m. and close at approximately 4 p.m.

For any further questions regarding logistics, please follow up via e-mail with Matt Barnhart.

LIVE TRANSMISSIONS

Any electronic media outlets who need to request live transmissions of the press conference should contact Director of Broadcasting and Production Bryan Bender (bbender@detroitlions.com; 313.262.2355) no later than Noon today.

PARKING

Following approval, media can park in the Ford Field Parking Deck located off St. Antoine and should proceed to enter Gate G on street level. Parking for media will be validated at the media check-in table.

# 30 #

Well, I  still figured it was worth a shot to email Barnhart and ask for a credential even though Ayman al-Zawahiri would have a better chance of getting access to the White House’s Briefing Room.

Mr. Barnhart,

Hello there. I would like to request a media credential for today’s press conference announcing the Detroit Lions new head coach.

I work for a website called the DetroitSportsRag.com. Maybe you have heard of it. Since it would appear you have changed your entire press credential media security protocol to keep me out of today’s festivities.

Anyway, my site is pretty popular in Detroit. For example, my article on the Caldwell hire already has 3,000 unique page clicks this morning which I am sure is way more hits than credentialed media like Dave Hogg, Dana Wakiji and Bill Shea get on their posts. Also, I bet more people know who I am than David Solano. Do you even know who David Solano is?

Finally, your team President follows me on Twitter. Tom Lewand only follows 241 people on that particular social media platform so I must be pretty important.

If you don’t believe me that Mr. Lewand follows me on Twitter, I have attached photographic evidence that he does.

Anyway, sorry for the late notice, but I figured I was going to be able to just walk in to this presser without all of this hullabaloo. Like I did a few weeks ago at Comerica Park for a Tigers related PC.

Since there are only about three hours left before the press conference commences, your immediate response would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey Moss
DetroitSportsRag.com

As referenced above, I attached this photographic evidence of my importance to the Lions President and well known Mentos enthusiast.

Alas, my case wasn’t very convincing to Bill Keenist’s bitch.  Shockingly enough, I received this response from the Ford Field Gestapo:

Mr. Moss,

Thank you for your interest in covering today’s press conference at Ford Field. Due to the numerous requests submitted to cover Detroit Lions throughout the year, including several from online-based outlets, we use a very specific formula for accrediting media. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate your request. We classify your website as a non-traditional outlet, and you do not qualify for accreditation at this time. I have provided our Media Credential Guidelines below.

Thank you.
Matt Barnhart
Director of Media Relations
Matt.Barnhart@lions.nfl.net

Unfortunately, I didn’t qualify for accreditation like such journalistic stalwarts Tim Twentyman, Mike O’Hara, Matt Shepard and Dan Miller who all earn a paycheck from this putrid franchise.

They have a specific formula because they couldn’t find any room for me on a 120-yard FOOTBALL field ….

Photo Credit to Kyle Meinke -- @KyleMeinke

And while the DSR was excluded from the introduction of Jim Caldwell, the Lions did have room to invite a bunch of their slapdick fans and corporate partners to give Caldwell a warm Detroit welcome.

That’s the explanation for the applause you might have heard when listening to the presser.  Well, the fans wearing Lions jerseys, the advertisers in attendance, Roary and of course …… Twentyman.

While I had Barnhart’s attention I figured I would send a few more emails to the Director of Media Relations.   Unfortunately, the following missives didn’t elicit a response:

I am shocked.  Can you please just admit you have changed the security protocol today for the specific purpose of keeping ME out? Which is fine.  But why not just tell security to keep this Jeff Moss character out of here? Instead you have created total aggravation for the media.  I have heard from three media members already today bitching about this new practice.  One person who was already out for the day and who had to return home to get a piece of ID.  I am quite honored that you have taken these post-9/11 security measures for Poor Ol Jiff Must.  Also, if my websight TM (Terry Foster) is so inconsequential, why does Tom Lewand follow me? There are plenty of people in attendance today who he doesn’t follow on Twitter.

Nothing …..

Also, can I appeal this decision to a higher-up? How about Bill Keenist? Ask him.

You know the hack that besmirched Tom Kowalski’s ethics years ago.  And then apologized for it at Tom’s memorial service? When it was TOO LATE.  Cause, you know, Tom was dead.  That Bill Keenist. Get an answer from him please.

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Nada.  Guess the Director of Media Relations didn’t like me bringing up the time his office lied about Kowalski’s credibility to the public.  You know, the guy they named their media room after in Allen Park.

Tim Twentyman and Mike O’Hara are allowed in the press conference, right? Do they have Direct Deposit from the Detroit Lions or do they have to actually cash a check signed by Bill Ford, Jr.?

By Justin Spiro
spirojus@msu.edu
January 18, 2014

Last week was rough. After being banned from the DetroitSportsRag for the 43^rd time, I was certain I would never return. Three days later I was back. So it goes at the DetroitSportsRag.

I have enjoyed the work the DSR has been churning out lately, but this place needs a different voice from time to time. It is time for Jeff Moss to drop the Chazz Palminteri one-man show and share the stage.

For those of you who don’t know me, congratulations.

I love gambling as a topic of discussion. The subject of gambling is interesting in all forms. Podcasts? Sign me up. Analytical articles about unique wagers? I am in.

And in honor of my first gambling winning streak since a 2^nd grade Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament, I am launching the “DSR’s Official Gambling Column.” It has been years since the site’s creators had their pets pick games (yes, literally).

It is time.

I cannot guarantee the sustainability of this endeavor. My volatile relationship with Moss means I am one bad sports take away from him insulting my family and me posting a picture of Jerry Maguire and his goldfish on my way out the door. But in the meantime, I am looking forward to sharing tons and tons of winning picks with you. Tons.

I can make one promise. If my record is really bad, I will not be taking the Bill Simmons route. If you are unfamiliar with the thin-skinned Simmons approach, allow me to provide a step-by-step breakdown.

1. Write a self-serving intro that opens by bragging about the length of column, even though 82% of the words are provided by reader e-mails.
2. Make a joke about the awful record of the picks. “Billy Zima is in the house, and he is ready to lose again! Yeah!”
3. Name drop a celebrity.
4. Post a bunch of stupid and wholly irrelevant YouTube clips and bask in the glory of every loser in the universe commenting “SIMMONS!!!” on every video
5. Name drop a celebrity.
6. Make an extensive argument for both teams covering the spread before settling on one. That way he is either right, or he is wrong but can tell everyone on his podcast that he “just knew” the other team would win and “should have trusted his gut” based on all of the arguments he had made for the winner before ultimately choosing the loser.
7. Name drop a celebrity
8. Name drop a different celebrity
9. Call Magic Johnson a “good friend”
10. Post several e-mails from people clearly lying and fishing to receive the “Yup, these are my readers” designation before ultimately choosing the biggest of the lies.

That is pretty much it for Simmons these days. A bunch of humblebrags, just plain brags, and YouTube clips. He would make one helluva Huffington Post contributor.

The sworn followers of this guy are the worst. Anytime Simmons posts a YouTube clip, there is a stampede of losers rushing to post “Simmons!” in the comments section. These are the same people who love commenting “First!” after any Facebook update from Simmons.

Is anything better than these wannabes typing out long, elaborate e-mails to the nasally-voiced Simmons in the hopes of receiving mention in a column? Does anyone read the “Yup, these are my readers” e-mails and actually believe what these people are saying? I would venture to guess 90% of them are complete fabrications. Unless you believe every dude on earth is extremely popular, goes to Vegas four times a year, and has a wife that will do anything in bed while resembling a hotter version of Kate Upton.

The problem with Bill Simmons is his handling of success. He carved out a spectacular niche as a normal guy who loved sports. He was the anti-sportswriter. In many ways, other miserable fans were able to relate to him. Believe me, there was no bigger fan of “The Boston Sports Guy” than me.

Then Simmons became very popular. And next came the name drops and constant references to floor seats to games in Los Angeles.

This is a man who laments the misfortune of his sports teams. You know, the Patriots, Celtics, Bruins, and Red Sox. All of whom have won titles in the past decade. Yet Simmons still plays the role of the tortured fan. The guy has readers from Detroit and Cleveland yet has the nerve to complain about how the Patriots should have two MORE titles in this era.

It is the same card Mike Valenti plays. “The Yankees stink” was Valenti’s cry in April 2009. Yes, they won the World Series 6 months later. Valenti also whines about the New York Giants incessantly. He proudly boasted that he was “Giants free” 15 months after the biggest Super Bowl upset in history (Super Bowl XLII). I would argue Valenti is even worse than Simmons. At least Simmons has a national platform. John W. Creasy is on the DETROIT AIRWAVES and complains about the ineptitude of the New York Giants organization. NICE SELF-AWARENESS.

After the longest digression in the history of journalism, let’s get to the first of many picks.

San Francisco 49ers + 3.5

San Francisco 49ers ML + 165

Before the playoffs began, I placed a healthy wager on the San Francisco 49ers to win the Super Bowl at 8-1. It was not just about the perceived value. I have felt for some time now that the 49ers were going to hoist the Lombardi Trophy at season’s end.

San Francisco is the best team in the National Football League. The Seahawks are probably the 2^nd best team and are playing at home, so this will be as big a challenge as any road team can face. Seattle has covered 68% of their home games since 2005, an insane number. They are 52-25-1 in that span. They are also 15-4 ATS against teams with a winning record. The trends are scary if you are on San Francisco.

These concerns aside, the 49ers also have impressive backing. They have only lost 2 of their last 15 games ATS. Jim Harbaugh is 11-1-1 ATS against teams with a win percentage above .700. While the overall trends slightly favor Seattle, there is plenty to like about the 49ers.

With both teams sporting eye-popping ATS numbers, handicapping this game is more dependent on old-school analysis and the eyeball test. Russell Wilson had a fantastic year overall but has been up and down the past several weeks. He struggled in both games against San Francisco this year, including a pitiful performance early (8-19, 142 yards) that was overcome by a profound rushing attack and swarming defense.

The 49ers know how to game plan for Wilson. He will not beat them. While Colin Kaepernick has had his ups and downs, his play the past month has been better than his counterpart in Seattle. This is a quarterback and coach league. San Francisco has the hotter quarterback and the better coach. Jim Harbaugh took his 40-point underdog Stanford Cardinal into the Coliseum and clowned Pete Carroll’s USC Trojans.

The finally healthy Michael Crabtree has been a significant addition to this 49ers team late in the season. Anquan Boldin has elevated his play in the postseason (8 catches, 136 yards last week) much like he did with the Ravens a year ago. This is a healthy team with more weapons than Seattle, which was the case even before the impactful Percy Harvin was ruled out for the Seahawks on Sunday.

The 49ers are a very good pick to win this game outright. As for the spread, getting more than a field goal is huge in a game between two great defensive teams. I strongly recommend taking the 49ers money line and with the 3.5 points in two separate bets, with the larger money going on the latter of the two.

I am going to the game with a guy named Gore. That’s gotta be a good sign.

49ers +3.5 is a winner. Go make some money. Gregg’s Guy is a real jerk.

ATS Record: 0-0

Money Line: No money yet, first bet, glad we’ve met, gotta jet

(You can follow Justin Spiro on Twitter @DarkoStateNews)

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
January 17, 2014

The moment that Joe Dumars idiotically passed on Trey Burke last June, I knew there would be at least one Pistons game that I would attend during the 2013-14 season.

Utah at Detroit.

I used to be a regular at the Palace during the glory days of the Aughts when the team was competing for championships year after year, but since the rebuilding era commenced a few years back, I have done all of my viewing from my sofa. Not because I am a bandwagon fan — I have continued to regularly watch this abortion of a product on Fox Sports Detroit — but because going to games isn’t my thing any longer.

But tonight was going to be different. I wanted to watch the point guard who should be playing for the Pistons right now in person. And I also wanted to bomb Detroit News beat writer Vincent GoodShill in the flesh. Ya know, so the pussy couldn’t open a can of blocking on me.

So DSR co-founder Gregg Schultz, his seven year-old son Jack and I traveled out to Auburn Hills sans tickets. We showed up early and trekked our way to the box office and selected three seats in the section directly behind press row.

Walking around the Palace before the game was hilarious. You couldn’t go ten feet without seeing a fan wearing a Trey Burke Jazz jersey or a #3 Wolverines uni. There weren’t many people in attendance on Friday evening, but the ones at the game were clearly there to see the 2013 NCAA’s Most Outstanding Player.

Now, I am not going to get into a rehash of Dumars’ awful decision to take Kentavious Caldwell-Pope over Burke in the draft and the slapdick, bought-and-paid-for beat writers’ hilarious defense of that pick this evening. That will come over the weekend. If you must read an excellent takedown of Joe’s horrid choice, you can read Jamie Samuelsen’s excellent Freep blog here:

Jamie “Tapioca” Samuelsen FINALLY gets something right

Anyway, once the game started, I screamed a few bombs at GoodShill when the nearly silent crowd was napping (when Burke wasn’t doing something exciting or Automotion wasn’t on the floor), but my plan was to wait for the fourth quarter to really let the clown have it.

But I found myself facing a predicament. One of the DSR’s biggest fans (14 year-old Jake Weiss) was located in Section 110 and alerted Schultz that the Pistons General Manager was sitting just a few feet away in a suite looking suicidal as the Jazz were running the emotionless Pistons out of Oakland County.

Should I stay in my seat and go after Canada’s Most Wanted Beat Writer or move over a few sections and let Joe have it? Being a man of the people, I put the decision up for a vote on Twitter.

The most influential response came from THE Brian Cook, the founder of MGoBlog.com.

@JeffMossDSR Dumars

— mgoblog (@mgoblog) January 18, 2014

Welp, I couldn’t let MGoBrian down, so Schultz, his young son and I made our way to Section 110 near Dumars.

I started slowly in my verbal attack on Dumars. Since I couldn’t bomb GoodShill, I figured I would give a shot to Dumars about his lapdog Vinnies always protecting his ass and going the extra mile to defend the 2013 draft.

I then proceeded to berate Dumars with a “You didn’t want that guy” reset. That guy being the kid who put up 20 and 12 on Friday night while Joe’s team basically quit on Mo Cheeks. Again.

And then another shot at Goodwill ……

Now, you can see from the videos that I wasn’t swearing. I am a crazy person, but I wasn’t about to use profanity in front of a seven year-old kid and another adolescent who is only one year removed from his Bar Mitzvah. I was just taking this opportunity to blast a GM who made a short-sighted decision to draft a dime-a-dozen two-guard instead of a potential franchise point guard because the exec was trying to save his OWN ASS and not worried about the overall future of the organization.

So, when Dumars is soon shown the business end of Lapeer Road, WE THE PEOPLE™ (Jack Swagger) will have to deal with the Burke/KCP nuclear fallout for the next decade-plus while his agent, Adrian Wojnarowski, lands Dumars a cushy new GM gig in another NBA town.

For the record, Dumars never looked at me. Never moved a muscle, really. A pyscho to his left kept staring me down while I voiced my displeasure and someone must have alerted the Palace Guards to the disruption in Section 110.

So, here is the video of me getting thrown out of the Palace. I did take one last opportunity to BOMB Dumars for comparing his passing on Burke for KCP to the Indiana Pacers drafting Reggie Miller instead of Steve Alford — a comparison that has no basis in reality, mind you.

A possible ejection? A possible ejection? Like they thought I wanted to stay and watch the rest of that garbage?

“We might ask you not to come back.”

Oh, what will I do? I mean, do the Pistons really have the luxury of keeping people out of the building who want to attend?

The Palace was half-empty on a Friday night and many in attendance were only there to see the guy the Pistons passed on. I can’t imagine the crowd if the Bobcats were in town. I thought venture capitals were smarter businessmen than that.

After I got tossed, Schultz and his son were escorted out of the building as well. They were leaving anyway, but Gregg wanted to get one more shot in at Dumars. Schultz asked security why I was ejected since I wasn’t saying anything profane or derogatory.

Gregg was informed that you can’t talk to the GM like that and get away with it. Which means I should only have to wait another 48 hours before yelling at Dumars in that fashion is okay.

I wrapped up the evening by interviewing Jack on the way home to see how he enjoyed the game.

Hopefully, Social Services won’t be visiting the Schultz home anytime soon.

It’s been an eventful week. On Wednesday, the Lions changed security protocol in order to keep me out of Ford Field for Jim Caldwell’s introductory presser. Tonight, I was given the boot at the Palace.

This coming Wednesday, I have tickets at the Joe to see the reigning Stanley Cup champion Blackhawks take on the Wings.

Shall we start a pool?

(You can follow me on Twitter @JeffMossDSR)