By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
September 12, 2016
When I started this website almost 14 years ago, a primary reason for doing so was to bring cogent thought to a Detroit sports landscape that was sorely lacking whether the medium was print, radio or television.
There has always been a total lack of intelligence among sports fans and a main part of that problem was the ignoramus sports media in this town feeding misinformation to the dopey masses.
From day one of this experiment known as the DSR, we have attempted to shift the old sports axiom that EVERYTHING can be judged by wins and losses. That just because a coach’s decision works out, it doesn’t mean it was the correct choice.
Could the Tigers win a game with Jarrod Saltalamacchia batting leadoff? Of course. Would that make it the right move? Obviously NOT.
From the earliest days of this portal, we have tried to convince folks that just because it “worked,” doesn’t mean that a decision was supported by math. We illustrated our thesis with the following Blackjack comparison …
Everyone knows hitting on a hard 18 versus a dealer’s up card of 6 is fucking moronic. If you ask to hit on that hand and pull a three that doesn’t make you any less dopey. Unfortunately, 98% of sports fans can’t make that leap when it comes to sports decisions by team management.
The other argument that you can only judge a coach or manager on the performance of his team is another asinine myth we have tried to debunk with virtually no success. Hell, we currently have three coaches in this town whose records in 2016-17 will most likely determine whether they will remain employed.
Never mind the fact that there are probably 10 trillion better ways to judge a coach than their team’s final record. And if you don’t believe that, tell me if you believe Phil Jackson would have been considered a “great” coach if he spent his entire career in Sacramento or what your opinion of Scotty Bowman would have been if his tenure involved manning the Harold Ballard Maple Leafs.
Of course, the reason for this article today is what occurred on Sunday in Indianapolis. Because other than Jim Leyland batting Alexis Gomez second during the 2006 ALCS, I am not sure I have seen absolute coaching malpractice get rewarded like Jim Caldwell’s horrific time management at the end of the Lions/Colts game.
And it would have been bad enough that Comatose Caldwell “got away” with an asinine usage of his timeouts at Lucas Oil Field if the dumbfuck media members in this town didn’t actually agree with Coach Christ’s ignorance.
It’s ironic that Bob Wojnowski Tweeted these messages out on September 11th since it has been 15 years since the man retired from the business. What an ignorant asexual dill weed.
And I could concentrate on this morbidly obese dummy giving more credence to negative stereotypes of the Polish, but his co-worker at 97.1, Will “Ashley” Burchfield, one-upped Wojnowski with an epically awful blog post on Monday.
(And I do feel a little guilty that I am picking on a 15k a year glorified intern when almost everyone at that awful station except Mike Valenti agreed that Caldwell did the right thing. But this dipshit is the only one who wrote a long article about it and you’re fucking out of your mind if you think I am going to actually listen to that station for quotes from Benedict and the Whale.)
The title of Burchfield’s post was “Why Jim Caldwell Is To Thank For the Lions’ Game Winning Drive” — which is basically the equivalent of posting an article headlined “Why Charlie Wilson Is To Thank For the Freedom Tower.”
Listen, just about EVERYTHING Caldwell did during the last two minutes of the Lions’ 39-35 victory in Indy was the exact opposite of what he should have done. And if Colts’ head coach Chuck Pagano was not a bigger moron than Caldwell, GM Bob Quinn would probably already be on the hot seat for bringing this stooge back.
In moment, I am going to break this down for all of you imbeciles who still believe Caldwell did the right thing. But first, I want to share Michael David Smith of ProFootballTalk’s take on the timeout fiasco ….
With the Lions leading 34-28 and 1:15 remaining in Sunday’s game, the Colts had the ball deep in Detroit territory and should have wanted to run as much time off the clock as possible, hoping to score a touchdown and extra point to win the game, and not leave the Lions any time to mount a game-winning drive of their own.
The Lions, conversely, should have wanted to stop the clock to give themselves as much time as possible for a last-minute score.
So it was odd, to say the least, that it was Colts coach Chuck Pagano, not Lions coach Jim Caldwell, who called a timeout with 1:15 remaining. Pagano said after the game that he called timeout to get the right personnel on the field.
But that raises another question: Why didn’t Caldwell call timeout so that if the Colts did score, the Lions would have as much time as possible for their offense to execute a game-winning drive?
Neither coach used his timeouts properly, but the two coaches basically canceled themselves out, and the Lions had just enough time to kick the game-winning field goal at the end.
Now, juxtapose those dead-on comments about the situation with this child Burchfield’s ignorant words:
They had three weapons in their back pocket.
“Seeing the situation we had with 37 seconds, three timeouts left, I knew we had the guys who could get it done,” said [Ameer] Abdullah.
The sophomore running back was speaking from experience. Thank Jim Caldwell for that.
Yep, thank Jim Caldwell for that. You neophyte.
I will go through this abomination of time management step-by-step, but before we do, please review that last Colts touchdown drive.
So, with under two minutes to go in the game and the Colts driving for the go-ahead TD, Caldwell let 30 seconds evaporate off the clock without calling a TO. Those were precious seconds that the Lions could never get back because while a team can OBVIOUSLY stop the clock on offense, you can’t do it on defense without calling a timeout.
So why didn’t Caldwell call a timeout in that situation?
This wasn’t about saving timeouts for the final drive, as Caldwell claimed after the game. It was about his foolish notion that his torched defense was going to prevent Luck from putting the Colts in the end zone — while having to work through four downs to do so.
Now, on the first play after Caldwell refused to call a timeout to preserve those precious moments, Caldwell claimed he WAS going to use a TO if Pagano hadn’s beaten him to the punch. And what occurred on THAT play?
Luck threw a short pass to Ty Hilton. FOR NO GAIN. So why was Caldwell claiming he’d use one of his sacred timeouts in that situation? Wouldn’t that give Luck “more time to look around.” Unfortunately, we will never know if Caldwell would have stopped the clock there since Pagano REMARKABLY did it for the comatose wonder.
Of course, in reality, nobody in the world knows when Caldwell will or will not call a timeout. Including Peyton Manning.
But back to Sunday. After the play to Hilton for no gain, Luck completed a pass to Donte Moncrief for six yards. Once again, NO TIMEOUT. But this time Pagano didn’t bail out Caldwell, the Replay Official did with a “Booth Review.”
But that wasn’t the end of the good fortune for the Lions. Not only did the replay officials stop the clock, but look at the following Tweet:
Yep. Even though the Colts Swiss cheese defense had demonstrated no ability to stop the Lions from getting into field goal range, Luck had his offense rush up to the line of scrimmage instead of milking some more clock.
Even though it was 3rd-and-4 from the six yard line and the LEAST of the Colts problems was the god damn clock.
So let me summarize what a miracle it was for the Lions to get the football back with 37 seconds left. Caldwell needed Pagano to take an insane timeout. He needed a booth review. And on top of ALL OF THAT, the Lions needed Luck to rush to the line AFTER said review and rush the snap. The one that culminated in a TD pass to Jack Doyle.
Pope Francis should be recognizing this series of events in Rome as I type this shit.
Oh, do you want to know who else was frustrated with Caldwell’s epically awful decision to not utilize his three timeouts? The franchise’s bought-and-paid for mouthpiece ….
Instead of that toddler Burchfield’s headline of “Why Jim Caldwell Is To Thank For the Lions’ Game Winning Drive” it should have read …
There was no Caldwell masterplan. His claim that his decisions are based on some algorithm program is effing hilarious. What computer told him to refrain from stopping the clock on defense when spiking the ball on offense has the same effect? A detonated Samsung Note 7?
Only an incredible turn of events that will never, ever be duplicated led to the Lions having 37 seconds left with a full compliment of timeouts.
It’s hilarious to think that when Quinn took this gig, he KNEW that Caldwell couldn’t handle these types of situations. So the organization hired former University of Maryland head coach Randy Edsall to assist in getting these decisions correct.
Which is like engaging Scott Anderson as your personal trainer. If you want to bring in someone to figure out the best usage of timeouts and when to go for it on 4th-and-1, you hire a 26-year-old Jewish kid from Harvard or M.I.T. Not a failed 58-year-old career coach.
The bottom line is this, the only reason that the Lions had ANY chance to win that game at the end was due to a cosmic set of events that will never occur again — and which Caldwell had NO CONTROL over — while using his timeouts on defense would have GUARANTEED the Lions a legitimate shot to kick a winning field goal.
And if you’re a dummy who STILL believes that Caldwell was in the right simply because the Lions won the game, I’d advise you take your ignorant ass to Motor City or MGM and play some Blackjack with that exact thought process.
Hit 16 against a 5. Ask for a card on hard 19 versus the dealer’s King. Actually, better yet …
Let me take your action. You will soon be as broke as you are philosophically bankrupt.
(You can follow the writer of this piece on Twitter @JeffMossDSR. Also, you can join in on the discussion of this article on Facebook by clicking here.)
