By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
August 21, 2016
In case you haven’t heard, Red Sox slugger David Ortiz is retiring after this season is over. Although I am actually dubious that the 40-year-old designated hitter will actually pull the trigger and submit his retirement papers since he currently enjoys a 4.2 WAR and a slash line of .321/.413/.637.
The most recent baseball players to retire with those sorts of numbers were Barry Bonds and Roberto Clemente. I can’t see “Big Papi” getting blacklisted by MLB this offseason and air travel to Central America has become much safer over the last 44 years.
But opposing teams around the league have been taking Ortiz’s retirement announcement at face value and have been feting him when the Red Sox make their final trip to their city. This is a terrible practice that started in recent years (Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter’s names come to mind) but I guess it’s not incredibly offensive IF your team doesn’t have some sort of ugly history with said retiring player.
That last statement does not apply to Ortiz’s relationship with the Detroit Tigers. Not only has Ortiz absolutely CRUSHED Tigers’ pitching over the years (in 122 games he has hit 36 HRs, knocked in 119, put up an OPS of .994 and an OPS+ of 112), he is also the poster boy for the worst moment in recent Tigers history.
In 2013 the Tigers had their absolute best chance to win their first World Series ring since 1984. They had a 1-0 series lead against the Red Sox and a 5-1 edge in the bottom of the eighth inning with the bases loaded and Ortiz at the plate.
The Tigers were THAT close to taking a 2-0 ALCS series lead and heading back to Detroit when the following occurred ….
New Yorkers get nightmares thinking of video images of the World Trade Center Towers coming down. Colombians can’t get over highlights of Andrés Escobar’s “own goal” during the 1994 World Cup. And Canadians still can’t bear to watch the 1997 match between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels from the Molson Centre in Montreal.
In Detroit we have Joaquin Benoit serving up that meatball to David “Fucking” Ortiz — which makes the Bill Laimbeer phantom foul on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar look palatable in comparison.
If you don’t get sick to your stomach watching that ball — which nearly killed Torii Hunter — rocket out of Fenway Park while that Boston cop celebrates over the homophobe’s lifeless frame …. well …. then I don’t know what to tell you.
I’d prefer to watch a well-lit sex tape of 97.1 host Scott Anderson with Pitch Perfect’s Rebel Wilson over subjecting myself to that game-tying grand slam one more time. As we all know, the BoSox eliminated the Tigers in six games.
Are you picturing that pair 69’ing? Good, try to get that mental image out of your head for the rest of your week life. Because that’s how I feel about Ortiz murdering that Benoit offering.
Which brings me to last evening in Downtown Detroit where Al Avila, Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez honored David Ortiz with a commemorative framed photograph ….
Congratulations, David Ortiz, on a great 20-year career. pic.twitter.com/TZwBx0AUNf
— Detroit Tigers (@tigers) August 21, 2016
What the fuck is that? Why are you celebrating this man who only hours earlier hit another two-run bomb against your organization and was just a couple of hours away from DOING IT AGAIN?!??!?!?!?
(It appears every team is honoring Ortiz is some fashion. Well, most of those franchises didn’t get anally raped by “Big Papi” in the same fashion as the Tigers. If anything, they should have had a low-key video tribute between innings like they did in Atlanta. And even that would have been torturous.)
I have seen husbands in cuckold videos on TubeGalore with more dignity than Avila, Miggy and V-Mart.
This happened in the MIDDLE of the Tigers’ season collapsing, which almost guarantees the franchise will miss the playoffs with a $200 million payroll. Thus probably cementing the fact that this current era of MVPs, Cy Young winners, Triple Crown achievers, batting titles, ERA leaders and insane divisional payroll advantages is all going for NAUGHT!!!!!
In the midst of that meltdown against their former General Manager’s squad, the Tigers thought the optics of honoring David Ortiz would be fine. Ya gotta believe me.
I am absolutely livid about this for a number of reasons, but can someone explain to me why some accused PED cheats are vilified and others, like David Ortiz, become dignitaries on fields where they dominated your organization?
Last time I checked, the Lions didn’t have a celebration at the Silverdome when Sterling Sharpe called it quits.
I don’t recall the Red Wings having a “Nikolai Borschevsky” evening at the Joe when the former Maple Leaf retired ….
And I sure as shit don’t have ANY recollection of a Robert Horry commemoration when the former Spur hung up his sneakers for the final time …
Have you downed a gallon of Clorox bleach with a chaser of turpentine yet? Well, what the hell are you waiting for?
I mean, Olympia Entertainment had a “celebration” for David Ortiz which was more respectful than the one they had for Sergei Fedorov last November (which, shamefully, was more barebones than the one the Tigers gave beat writer TOM GAGE when he was unceremoniously dumped by the Detroit News).
What is WRONG with these people? They honored a man who TOOK AWAY a championship from this city more respectfully than a driving force behind THREE Stanley Cup parades.
If these fucks wanted to really celebrate Ortiz they should have gone the whole way. Really done it right. Instead of a framed picture of Ortiz at the 2005 All-Star Game at Comerica Park, they should have handed him this gift that I worked up at Frameology.com …..
I hate this town.
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