By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag.com
May 29, 2013
So, last night DSR co-founder Gregg Schultz was sifting through all of our DetroitSportsRag.com emails and he found another gem that NOBODY at the site remembered receiving.
I am not sure if I took one of GOB Bluth’s “Forget-Me-Now” pills after receiving the following note or what the fuck happened, but I have ZERO recollection of this ……
(Click on image to zoom)
Yes, you read that correctly. Almost ten years ago to the date, Mike Valenti, sent an email asking me for a DSR writing gig. This was when he was still working in Lansing and eating six Jersey Giant subs a day and washing them down with a box of desserts from the Grand Traverse Pie Company on Grand River and Hagadorn.
Not to go all Jimmy Devellano on ya, but I am totally flabbergasted by this revelation.
I am not sure what is funnier, that Valenti loved the site and in particular the cracks on the media or his atrocious grammar.
It kind of reminds me of the famous poem, “First they came for the Jews …..”
I mean, the dude was emailing me for a WRITING JOB and dropped the following:
freinds
poeple
oppurutnities
hillarious
Like, did Hotmail NOT have freaking spellcheck in 2003?!!?!?!?!?!
Maybe this is why AM1270 decided to pair Valenti with Foster way back when. They pulled the two resumes from the pile with the most spelling and grammatical errors and said, “Yep, this is a good match.”
Anyway, Valenti eventually submitted an article to me which he wanted posted on the DirtSpurt. I am not sure why he wanted me to post it on MY site since he had his own website, “The Sports Inferno.”
But, here is the third trimester of an abortion that Valenti sent to me:
I dare you to read that without getting a corneal ulcer yourself. This guy wanted a WRITING gig at a site that was constantly mocking the AWFUL Detroit Sports Media and THIS is what he came up with?
And you want to be my latex salesman?
Like, I double dog dare you to get through the whole damn thing. And who the fuck was supposed to edit that? A plastic surgeon working on the chick who had her face eaten off by a gorilla would have an easier task.
Needless to say, we never posted this excrement. And eventually I forgot that Valenti submitted anything to us at all. When the Studio Gangsta got his WXYT gig, we immediately went at it and I didn’t put two and two together that Ass Clown Pocket Square Douchebaggery was the guy who wanted in at the DirtSpurt.
Valenti must have spent the last ten years wondering if I was ever going to remember this correspondence. And hoping that I would not.
And I wouldn’t have if Schultz didn’t start email diving recently and discovered these golden nuggets.
So, to summarize, both Valenti and Foster were desperate to write for THIS site.
Fortunately, the DSR has higher standards than Infinity/CBS Radio.